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Entries in Divided by a Common Language (26)

Sunday
Oct302011

Divided by a Common Language - Scrooge-o-ween

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's that time of year again.  The time when what was once a pagan festival, then a sweet neighborhood tradition, rears it's ugly, commercialized head.

Yes, that's right.  I mean Halloween.

How can I not love Halloween?

Well, firstly, I'm not American.  We didn't have Halloween when I was growing up in South Africa, and so I have no nostalgia about this event at all.  I see it for what it is, not what it once was.  

Second, those of you who know me will know that I am not that into children.  Beef has more flavor, lamb is juicer, chicken is lower calorie and pork makes better crackling

Last but not least, I have dogs.  Energetic, loud dogs who take it upon themselves to defend the den.  Brats knocking on my door for three hours stresses them out more than the fireworks on the 4th of July.

And I'm not the only one who feels this way.

On my last minute run to Safeway to get supplies, I saw a guy filling up his trolley with a lot of candy.  A woman next to him, waiting to reach over and grab a bag of sugary toothrot, made some joke about how much he was buying.

 

"Do you live around here?" he asked her, shoving more bags on the pile.

"Yes," she replied, "but I'm in an apartment block, so we don't get many trick or treaters."

"Well," he said, "last year I just stood at the door, from 5pm to 9pm handing out candy... (he started making a repetitive throwing gesture with his right hand)... We handed out $300 worth of the stuff."

"Three hundred dollars?" she gasped.

"Yeah," he sighed.  "I live on ______ street between ____ and ______.  They just keep coming."

"I hear ya," said an older gentleman, who'd joined our impromtu chat circle.  "It's like that around here."

"Do you think it'll rain tomorrow?" I asked, hopefully.

"Nope," said the older man ruefully.  "They say it'll be dry."  

And we all reached for more colorful corn syrup pebbles.

 

And that conversation pretty much summed it all up.  This is real pain for adults.  Oh sure, there are fun parties where you get to dress up and be silly, but the actual day?  Pain.  In.  The.  Arse.

I felt, after the chat broke up, completely vindicated in my Scrooge-o-ween plan.

And so I have put up my defences in readiness for tomorrow's suburban urchin assault.

 

Defence No. 1 - Crap decorations

I didn't bother to photograph them, because they are so bad.  There's one skeleton hanging on the wall by the door.  That's it.

 

Defence No. 2 - Crap candy

 

Defence No. 3 - Table 15 feet from the front door

 

Defence No. 4 - Lots of half-filled receptacles to put on the table

This way, it'll look like I bought a lot of candy, but other kids got to it first.

 

Defence No. 5 - Fire

Trying jumping over my 100 (I'm not kidding - not all are pictured) tealights to get to my front door, and that cheapass Chinese-sweatshop costume you're wearing is going to light you up like friggin' firework, brat.

 

To read more in this series, click here.

You might like:

 

 
Sunday
Oct092011

Divided by a Common Language - Why the USA needs the World Cup

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The Rugby World Cup is currently being hotly contested in New Zealand.
 
Last night, South Africa's Springboks were eliminated from the competition in an amazing match against Australia's Wallabies.  
 
I am thus somewhat depressed today, and feeling that we were robbed.  If you look at all the stats, it was South Africa's game:
 
Australia forced to make 147 tackles, South Africa 53
South Africa had 84% of territory
South Africa had 55% of possession of the ball
 
South Africa were the better team all the way through the match.  But that doesn't matter, because the final score was Australia 11, South Africa 9.
 
Fluffy Bear is also pissed that South Africa lost, because England went out of the competition last weekend and so he switched his support over to my team.
 
We had a great time watching the rugby.  Because New Zealand is West of us, the games were at 10pm our time.  Our friends came round, we all wore our South African rugby jerseys, we made nachos and sausage rolls and, of course, there was gallons of beer.
 
We yelled, we cheered, we jumped up out of our seats.  We tweeted and Facebooked with South African friends and family back home, in Belgium, in the MidWest, in the UK.  And, when we lost, we held our heads in our hands and then spent half an hour bitching about the referee, who had overlooked several infringements by Australia, and disallowed a try (like a touchdown) that we felt should have been allowed.  
 
But then we got over it, and started talking about who we should support for the rest of the tournament, switching gears to yell for Argentina in the next game.
 
And that's when it hit me.
 
American's don't have this.
 
There is NO sport that unites the USA as a nation.  Every day, in small ways - laws, politics, eductation system - I am reminded that the place I currently call home isn't a country.  It isn't a nation.  It is the United States.  A bunch of places - large enough to be countries in the their own right (even the little ones are comparable to places like Luxembourg) - that have chosen, in some areas, to cooperate with each other.  In some areas.  That is all.
 
In fact, you could argue that nothing unites the USA as a nation.  
 
But wait, war unites a nation, right?  Hmmm, not in this case.  The current wars being waged by the US are so far away, and based on such questionable justifications, that many US citizens do not support them.  The US has never waged a war on it's own soil, like France, Germany, etc. and so has never been united against a common threat on the home front.
 
What about cultural unity.  Sure, the US has that to some degree, but the diverse ancestry of the citizenry is another thing that ensures there is a lack of unified identity.  While there may be regional differences, an extra thousand years of history have allowed England or Germany or Italy to develop a strong culture.  We all know - even if we cannot describe it in ten words or less - what it is to be Italian or French or even Swiss.  But what is it to be American?  This is something that is still, in some ways, being formed.
  
I think that the USA could really benefit from getting behind their national teams in worldwide competitions.  You have the Olympics, of course, but they are not a team sport, really, and they are so diverse that we aren't really united behind them, all watching at the same time on the same day and cheering for our team.
 
There are so many things that really supporting your teams in the the rugby or football (the original) world cups would give you:
 
  • The opportunity to really unite as a nation.  Flags fly, strangers gather in pubs to watch the sport and make friends over it.  Everyone is discussing the same thing, even if they are expats dispersed all over the world
  • The opportunity to face, and have to accept, defeat 
  • The opportunity to learn that you may lose even if you shouldn't have, and that life is not fair
  • The opportunity to understand the multiplicity of things.  Do you support the team of the country you live in or that your parents come from?  Once your team is knocked out, which other team should you support?

 

And, most of all, you get to experience all of this in the arena of sport, which is fun and good natured,

The USA needs to get behind their rugby and soccer teams and join with the rest of us in embracing world cup fever.  

You won't regret it.

 

To read more in this series, click here.

You might like:

 

 

 

Monday
Jun272011

Divided by a Common Language - Ethical ignorance

 

 

 

 

 

I've had a lot of medical expenses this year.

Some were perhaps due to my own stupidity - like slitting my throat with a potato chip - others seemed to be caused by capricious gods toying with me - two bumps inside my lady lumps - and, last but not least, The opportunity to morph into a human pipette while we try to figure out what chemicals will still my sea of insanity.

And so we find ourselves balancing bills.

So many factors to consider. How old is this bill? How high is this bill? How soon will I be seeing this doctor again and therefore need to pay to avoid being unable to look them in the eye?

I've never had to do this much juggling... while walking a tightrope at the same time. And I've definitely never had to do it with medical bills.

I spent over ten years living in England where, apart from paying £6.30 per prescription I got filled, I never received any medical bill at all.

Flash forward to the now.

I'm sick. It's not flu or a cold or a migraine where all I need us bed rest and to not think about the meetings I've had to delay to the following week. No. This us viral. This keeps me from sleeping. This hurts at night.

So I call the doctor to get an appointment.

 

"Before I make an appointment for you," chirps the Receptionist, "I just need to transfer you to billing!"

"Why?" I ask.

 

I know why. I owe them $150. But I don't see how that's relevant to making an appointment.

 

"I just need to transfer you to billing to talk about your account and they'll transfer you right back and we can make an appointment!"

 

I know that my chances of getting an appointment today are diminishing with ever three minute window as the second receptionist cycles through calls.

 

"I'm sick. Please can I just book an appointment, and then you can transfer me."

"Don't worry! We'll be able to book you an appointment, I'll just transfer you to billing!"

 

And so my humiliation is complete.

Those of you who are in the US may not get why I'm even telling this story. Those of you who live in Europe will be either bemused, confused or appalled.

And herein lies one of the many things that widens and deepens what we affectionately call "The Pond" betwixt us.

The Receptionist definitely wasn't, in what, for her, were annoying moments with me on the phone, able to bridge that cultural gap. And I think that's what - once the embarrassment has abated - irks me the most.

She doesn't get it.

She doesn't get that healthcare should be a right. She doesn't get that, if someone really is sick, you should consider their welfare over 150 fucking dollars. And she definitely doesn't get, at 22-some years old, what it's like to sit and look at blisters on your stomach and legs and have to stop and think about what other expense you can avoid this month and, if no obvious candidate springs to mind, whether you could just get through this thing without racking up more debt at your family physician.

She doesn't get where I'm coming from at all.

And I'm coming from way, way across The Pond.

 

To read more in this series, click here.

You might like:

 

 

Friday
Feb042011

Divided by a Common Language - Perception Deception

 

 

 

 

 

The next time an American pokes fun at the blandness of British food, I am going to reply:

 

"Well, you have to remember, we don't have slaves to cook for us. Are yours good in the kitchen? I'd love some recipes for traditional American dishes!"

 

Then, when they ask what I'm talking about I'll say:

 

"Here's the deal. You let go of your ridiculously outdated perceptions of England, and I'll return the favor about your country."

 

To read more unnecessary invective (and occassional humor) in the Divided by a Common Language series, click the Tag below or the Category link on the left.

You might like:

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday
May262010

Divided by a Common Language - Eurovision 2010 Semi Final 1

 

 

Watching the first semi final of the 2010 (55th) Eurovision Song Contest.

Hosted this year by Norway, from Oslo, there are 39 countries competing.  There are two semi-finals.

This year they have combined telephone votes with a Jury, presumably to avoid the completely racist voting to date.  Basically, every country votes for a) another country that they have emigrants from, b) another country they are close to or c) a country they have political ties to.

So Germany - with a large Turkish expat population - votes for Turkey.

And Ireland and the UK always vote for each other.

And, of course, Malta and Greece vote for the UK to say thanks for saving us in WW2.

I'm not kidding.

If you want to see any of these, check YouTube or Eurovision.tv.

As we go through I'll include quotes of the British commentators.  They will be bitchy, beware.

 

Moldova

The lead singer is an outfit which is hybrid Lady Gaga and Britney Spears.  The trumpet soloist is jutting his pelvis as he plays.  The male lead singer has a mullet.  The beat is Europop, the accents make the English words unintelligible.  The musicians are dressed like bad 80s throwbacks.

It's camp, tacky and so very, very delightfully Eurovision.

 

Russia

Commentator: "This isn't so much a pop song, it's three minutes of misery."

FBear:  "This is turgid shite!"

FBear:  "This is like you're watching a bad musical Act 1, halfway through the story, when the hero is down, facing issues."

Oh my holy God, this song necessitates a wind machine.  That about sums up how shit it is.

 

Estonia

Commentator: "This is a very interesting act from Estonia.  Kind of the anti-Eurovision song. The band is called Malcolm Lincoln, named after the wrong answer in a Who Wants to Be a Millionaire question when the person should have said Abraham Lincoln."

The lead singer is skinny and has tight pants on.  He's jumping around the stage like one of those pictures in children's Christmas books where there are "Seven Lords a Leaping".  He's wearing a pink scarf with a black velvet jacket.  If he was in a bar in Michigan, he'd be beaten up.

OK it looks like one of the backup singers fainted at the end of the song.  Trying to steal the limelight from the lead singer.  Nice try, buddy.

 

Slovakia

FBear: "What is she WEARING?"

OK they are dressed like tree nymph people in a bad high school production of some fantasy play.  Basically this is a rehash of the winning song, Dum Tek Tek, from a few years ago.

It's got one of those Eastern European drumming beats, 'cos dey bringin' de ethnik, man.  

Now the male dancers are dancing around the leader singing lady with ribbons.   She has leaves on her dress, in her hair, on her wrists.  Seriously.

Commentator:  "Well, she's organic Enya."

 

Finland

Two blonde Finnish women.  Now there's a shock.

One has a white accordion, prompting the commentator to say that "she just gave us a whiff of her squeezebox."

Ah, more ethnic drumbeats.  Clap!  Clap! Clap along, peasants!

Aw, they are barefoot.  How very virginal.  Nice try, ladies, but we all know what you Scandinavian lassies are like.

Now we have two male backing singers/dancers, wearing beige vests (waistcoasts), inadvisedly.

And what are they singing in Finnish, we ask?

 

What tune should I strike up now feeling glad inside?
How to best adorn it not to make this mood subside?
With some puffy clouds and sunlight beaming in the skies,
some of that to market vendors and their laughing eyes.
Hear me singing/And I sing:
Let the Sun shine, glide away my Moon
I labour for a living, soon commerce fills my purse.
  
 
Latvia
 
Apparently the singer's dad is a big rock star in Latvia. 
 
Oh dear, she didn't inherit an ability to carry a tune - not for the first line, anyway.
I asked my Unlcle Joe but he can't speak
Why does the wind still blow and blood still leaks
So many questions now
What for do people live until they die?
For God's sake, why do they sing in English if they can't make sense in it?
 
Oh, brother, her voice is as flat as her chest.
 
And she appears to be wearing a satin sheet.
 
Commentator: "It's like deep root canal, the musical"
 
 
Serbia
 
Commentator: "He's dressed like a toothpaste tube."
 
Oh my GAWD it's a POLKA song!
 
He's a skinny androgenous blonde wearing white pants with a belt so low on his hips that it must be brushing his family jewels through the pants.
 
One of the backing dancers (male) is wearing a fingerless pink leather glove.
 
I WISH I was kidding.
 
He has pink socks and blue flat shoes.  
 
OK, this is BEYOND crap.  Even the choreography is bad.  Seriously!
 
OK, just make it stop.
 
Commentator: "I am going to make a hair appointment tomorrow morning.  I want that hairdo."  I don't think she was serious.
 
 
 
Bosnia Herzegovina
 
Why are all these men so damn skinny?  This is a rockish song, apparently the only one in the competition.  The electric guitar and real Western drums make a nice change.
 
FBear on the backing singers: "Well, THEY'RE very short skirts!"
 
Oh dear, in spite of the rock beat, this is pretty boring stuff.  Like a Bryan Adams album filler.
 
Like many Eurovision songs, this one has a message.  "This is the time to overcome our past," in this case.  Clearly Bosnia is still healing.
 
 
 
Poland
 
Oh dear, girls in ethnic costume.  The main singer's bodice is so low there is a major nipple danger.
 
OK, this is the kind of song you would hear at the icecapades.
 
Me: "OK, it's just been pure unadulterated shit so far."
 
FBear: "Isn't that the point, Baby?" 
 
WTH?  The male lead singer has the female lead singer in a headlock, then a backing dancer pulls her top off revealing a white boob tube bra top.  Is this abuse on stage?  What IS this?
 
 
  
Belgium
 
OK, blue pants, blue waistcoat (vest), light blue shirt and a blue and white acoustic guitar.
 
Um... what?  Is this actually OK?
 
Well, he sounds a little like a street busker, but at least his English lyrics make sense, and he can actually play guitar and sing.  As Simon Cowell would say, though, it's no better than good karaoke.
 
Yawn.
 
HAH!  He came second in the Belgian X Factor.
 
  
Malta
 
Commentator: "They often send strong women from Malta."  Too true.
 
Poor Malta.  They take this competition so seriously and try and try and try so HARD to win every year.  But they never quite make it, which is a pity, because at least Malta is a nice place to go to for the competition.  
 
OK, it's a ballad from a young girl with a big voice, bigger than her 21 years.  You could find this girl in any church choir or Glee club in America.  
 
OH MY GOD!  There is a man hiding behind her dress flapping big angel wings as if she is an angel...  It's disturbing!
 
She finished on a big soprano note... surprise, surprise, surprise. 
 
Commentator:  "Good grief!  That Maltese bird man!"
 
  
Albania
 
A good old fashioned pop song!  At last!  Ooh, 80s shoulder pads on the female lead singer!  YAY!  A happy, clubby, summer song!  Easy lyrics, a chorus you can sing along to... NOW we're talkin'!  Happy drivel, that's what we want from Eurovision!
 
They are trying to bring in some class and seriousness by having a guy on a fiddle (everybody always copies what the last winner did, and there was a violinist last year), but it's just bubble gum through and through, Baby.
 
All it's missing is cheesy backing dancers.  Damn!  Where are they?  She should have shirtless men gyrating, not an ugly violinist!
 
Commentator reading a viewer email: "If this song doesn't qualify, I'll declare myself straight!"
 
 
 
Greece
 
The song is called OPA!  Pass me a plate, dear, I need to smash it.
 
Ah yes, I smell kebabs, kleftiko and dolmades.
 
Disturbingly, the male singer and his dancers are hot, with open shirts.  I was expecting a Zorba type.
 
The men keep going "oof!" in the background - a good, sexy sound.  Or constipation, depending on how you look at it.
 
Fantastic!  Lots of yelling "HEY!" and "OPA!"
 
Seriously, where's my waiter?  I need some more olives, taramoussalata and hummus.  And some ouzo!
 
OK I am LOVING THIS!  They men are throwing big drums around and there's some guy with a vertical fiddle thingy.  And the backing singer/dancers are so hot/camp!  FAB. U.  LOUS!
 
 
 
Portugal
 
Oh, bugger.  Back to a young girl with a big voice in an even bigger dress.  18 years old, making lots of zsh sounds, so you are in no doubt that it's Portugese.
 
Yawn.
 
Her boobs are so flat, her bodice is so tiny and her skirt is so huge she looks like a doll cake.  
 
Clearly Portugal doesn't want to win.  They couldn't afford to host this anyway.  Sometimes countries lose on purpose, because hosting the contest the next year can be draining on the coffers.
 
 
Oh my holy God the commentator is in the Green Room and went up to one of the women and her skirt was made of BUBBLE WRAP and he popped some of it!  Seriously, kids, only Eurovision.
 
 
 
FYR Macedonia
 
Well this sounds 80s, right off, until the guy starts crooning in a foreign language.
 
They are trying to pep this up by having three female backup dancers gyrating in leather bikinis. 
 
FBear: "Dancing is a loose term for what those girls are doing, because dancing usually means being in time with the music."
 
OH SHIT!  Now we have a guy in silver suit with trainers rapping in Macedonian!  
 
Now we have a rocker guitarist going electric on our asses.  WTF?
 
Commentator: "There's something disturbing about that.  That's a song about heartache and it's an old guy getting pawed by a woman half his age.  That's not much heartache now is it?"
 
 
 
Belarus
 
I've just been blinded by the gold and silver and bronze sequins of the women's dresses!  
 
There are five singers in a row, two men and three women, trying - and failing - to harmonize. 
 
Kinda like Il Divo, but more El Shitto.
 
If my life was this song, I'd jump off a bridge.
 
You'll have to take my word for it, because you can't hear me, but I am moaning audibly, in pain.  Find this on YouTube and suffer with me.  Then again, don't.  I like you.  You came to my blog.  You read this far into a very long post.  Don't torture yourself.
 
OH NO I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.  THE WOMEN NOW ALL HAVE BUTTERFLY WINGS!
 
 
 
Iceland
 
Ah here we go - the obligatory large lady.  She's the last song of the night and as they say, it's not over till...
 
Ah, a rave beat in the background.
 
"I am standing strong..." she starts to sing.  "Unlike your economy, Love!" quips Fluffy Bear.
 
Why are Iceland singing in English and French?  Pandering to the voters, that's why.
 
Good Lord there is a lot of swishing fabric in this woman's dress.  I envy her.  If you want a bosom for a  pillow, Mate, she's the one you need.
 
Jesus, didn't the techno backbeat go out over ten years ago?  That's why you gotta love Europe.  They are always a decade behind the UK in music, poor little possums.
 
Interestingly, the backing singers are all curvy women too.  Kinda refreshing.
 
 
Well, that was the last song for tonight.
 
The three presenters are back.  An older lady, a young blonde guy and a Black lady.  Do you thing Norway is desperate to promote it's "diversity"?
 
Commentator: "Here's a shout out to the kids at the University of Sheffield.  A whole living block is watching.  That's cos you don't have the money to go out, that's why!"
 
Commentator: "After the winner last year, many countries have jumped on the folk song band wagon."  Told you so, didn't I?  They all copy the last year's winner, like we all want the same damn thing again.
 
And now a preview of the next semi-final...
 
The Dutch song is written by Grandfather Abraham, inventor of the Smurfs!  Is this a joke?  It's called Sha la lie Sha la la.  I can't wait for the next semi final!
 
To read more in the Divided by a Common Language series, click here.  

Monday
May172010

Divided by a Common Language - Eurovision 2010 No. 1

 

 

These are my first impressions of the Eurovision Song Contest entries.  This is in reply to Everywhereventually’s posts, which you can find here.

For more on what Eurovision is, click here

 

MOLDOVA

EIGHTIES FLASHBACK!

This is like Adam Ant meets Madness meets Debbie Harry meets Spandau - except their love child turned out a little retarded.

Not sure if I like it or not. 

 

RUSSIA

My computer refused to stream the YouTube of this song... bad sign straight away.

Yawn.

...

Did he just say "Lord of Mercy?"

...

Yawn

OK. Enough.

My verdict: Crapsticks, deep fried. 

 

ESTONIA

Does this lead singer have Tourettes? Epilepsy?

Why does he keep lifting his mic to his left ear?

OK, Sweetheart, don't dance.

He needs some MAJOR stage presence coaching. From someone who isn't high.

This song will be good if and when someone does a dance remix.

For now, not good enough. 

 

SLOVAKIA

This lady dresses funny.

Is this another Dum Tek Tek?

Then again, I found myself turning the volume up.

Ah perfect Eurovision fodder - a dancey beat for rhythm and a little ethnic sound overlay for some supposed credibility.

Still, it doesn't stand out.

 

 

FINLAND

Well, this should be fun. Those crazy Fins usually are.

Oh dear, they're going the blonde in a ballgown route.

Ethnic Abba meets celtic fusion!

Oh shame. the men singers are too ugly to be allowed up front.  Oh but look, they get to dance in that Russianey kicking way.

It's all Agnetha and Anna.

I feel like I'm at a Greek restaurant and there's a wedding party in the back.

Whatever

 

 

LATVIA

Oh boy, another song with God in it. He gets everywhere, that bugger.

"Why are the skies so blue and mountains high?"

"I asked my Uncle Joe but he can't speak"

The singer really is a dumb blonde, then.

Ah an accordionist and women washing clothes in bowls. How ethnic.

Chorus: "What for how we living what for how we crying what for how we losing only Mr God knows why."

Well, I just had a revelation in bad grammar.

 

To read more in the Divided by a Common Language series, click here

 

Sunday
May162010

Divided by a Common Language - Devaluing the Special

 

 

I am really happy living in the US of A, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things here that irritate the living shit outta me.

And one of those things is the devaluing of the special over here.

 

Clap Clap Woo Woo

Holy Mother of the Christ, people clap their hands for ANYTHING here!

I was at a Flash Mob dance rehearsal a few months ago and every time the dance teachers showed us a few steps everyone would applaud and yell "Woooooo!"

Then, after we learned a few steps, they'd put the music on and we'd dance.  After getting 12 steps correct in sequence, everyone would applaud and yell "Woooooo!"

What the FUCK?

Why do we have to clap all the time?

We are at a TWO HOUR DANCE REHEARSAL, people!  Conserve your energy!

At our monthly meetings at work, people who have won awards are called out.  Everyone claps when their name is read out, everyone claps as they come up to the stage, everyone claps when they get their handshake.  And this for up to ten people.

Read ALL the names out, get them all up at once and let's clap once!

Applause is a sign of appreciation, admiration, respect.  Making a sound like "Wooooo!" is a sign of excitement, of real enthusiasm.  

Why devalue it?

You want me to clap, earn it, or my hands stay right by my side.  I am not a fucking trained seal.

 

 

Everybody UP!

 Everyone here gets a standing ovation.  

No acting is too lame, no singing is too offkey, no dancing too out-of-time to not warrant everyone jumping up like the spawn of a synchronized swim team and a colony of prairie dogs.

If you get a standing ovation in a London theater, it means one of two things: you did an incredible job, or the audience is loaded with American tourists.

If locals have packed the seats that night, the only way you're getting them to stand is to do something exceptional.

So if you want me to stand up, earn it, or I'm keeping my fat ass right where it is.  I am not a fucking jack-in-the-box.

 

 

Say what?

Words are completely devalued in the USA.

Everything is "awesome."

Some dive next to the old highway claims to offer "Fine Dining."

And, worst of all, everyone "loves" everyone else.

The most important word in the world gets bandied about like it's a box of matches...  

As Shannon Osbourne leaves the Boardroom in Celebrity Apprentice, she and Holly exchange "I love yous" as if they are going to be BFFs for life.

Love is not something that is found every day in every situation.  It takes time and work and patience and kindness and all those things that they talk about in that Bible reading you have to sit through at every fucking wedding you go to.

If you use the most extreme words for everything, what vocabulary do you have left to describe something that is truly amazing, a restaurant experience that is silver service or a feeling that is true and deep and meaningful?

Or is the average person's life here so bland that these mediocre things inspire awe and are, therefore, truly awesome?

If the latter is true, how sad, and how utterly tedious.

Words are important.  

Save them, treasure them, look after them.

So if you want me to describe what you did as incredible, earn it, or I will choose words that match the few notches above mediocrity that your deeds deserve.  I am not a fucking cheerleader.

 

To see more Divided by a Common Language, click here.

 

Monday
Feb082010

Divided by a Common Language - The Elephant in the Room

 

 

"Ello ma Breeteesh chooms"

For those of you who might not know what the big Healthcare row is all about, I thought I might give you some insight into how things work here.

 

Hospitals

I was confused, when I got here, to see that Hospitals do fundraising.  Why would a company, often part of a network, need to ask for donations? I never understood until this evening.  

I was watching an episode of House, and it concentrated on a day in the life of Lisa Cutty, Head of the Hospital.  She was in a difficult negotiation with a Health Insurance company, who she was trying to get to pay an increased rate.

Here's the thing.  

Insurance Companies rate hospitals and put them on payscales.  Every procedure has a price which the insurance company pays and it is also dependent on the way the insurance company rates the hospital, and the contract they have with them.  

So if you have an appendix removed, that's priced (by the insurance company) at, say $1000.00.  If the hospital's costs are $900, they make $100 profit.  If the hospital's costs are $1200.00, then they lose money.  The hospital may choose to charge the patient with the difference.

So hospitals have to negotiate their contracts with health insurance firms to get paid for the services they offer at a reasonable rate.

 

Administrative costs

With all sorts of codes for every procedure, dependent on the contract between the institution and the healthcare insurer, as well as the patient's level of cover, the administration of the whole system is garguantuan.

Administrative costs for private healthcare insurance firms are estimated at between 5 and 6% (Washington Post).

 

Understanding your own insurance

At my previous employer, insurance cover was extensive.  There were no deductibles and no copays.

First, some definitions

Deductible:

"This is the initial dollar amount you must pay before your insurance company begins paying for health services. Usually, the higher the deductible, the lower your premium. However, do not choose a deductible so high that you cannot afford to pay it. The contract will dictate the specific amount you pay per year for your family. You must pay a deductible each year, which will vary depending on the number of people covered by the policy."

 

Copay:

"A copayment is a specified dollar amount you pay, as a subscriber to a managed care plan, for covered health care services. It is paid to the medical provider at the time the services are rendered."

 

In and out of network:

An in-network provider is one contracted with the health insurance company to provide services to plan members for specific pre-negotiated rates. An out-of-network provider is one not contracted with the health insurance plan. Typically, if you visit a physician or other provider within the network, the amount you will be responsible for paying will be less than if you go to an out-of-network provider. Though there are some exceptions, in many cases, the insurance company will either pay less or not pay anything for services you receive from out-of-network providers.

 

So, basically, each year, you have to pay: 

  • The first amount of any type of service, dependent on whether the service provider is in or out of network
  • A percentage of the cost of the service, depending on whether the service provider is in or out of network.

 

For example, if I want to go to a Chiropractor: 

  • In the network - $300 deductible, after which I pay 20% of every visit and I am restricted to 24 visits a year
  • Out of the netwok - $600 deductible, after which I pay 40% of every visit and I am restricted to 24 visits a year.

 

 

Medication

Medication costs depend on whether or not the medicine is "Brand" or "Generic."  Essentially this refers to the time period that the drug company has a patent on the medication.  While they do, they charge high prices.  

Once the patent has expired, a bunch of companies produce knock offs of the drug and, even though they may not be exactly what the brand medicine was, and may not work for you in the same way, your insurance company will want you to take the cheaper drug.

For my insurance, which I am told is pretty good, I have to pay 40% of Brand and 24% of Generic medicine costs.

Not only that, but the insurance companies do not let you get your drugs from the pharmacy.  You can get your first 30 days of pills, but after that you have to go through their mail order service and you get 90 days of pills sent to your home.

So, when you get a prescription, they tell you to get two copies, one for your immediate needs, and another to send to the mail order service.  See "Administrative Costs", above.

So here are what my drugs are going to cost me:

 Asthma pill - $360 per year

Asthma pump 1 - $20 per year

Asthma pump 2- $75 per year

Antidepressant 1 - $250 per year

Antidepressant 2 - $450 per year

Hayfever medicine - $1300 per year

TOTAL - $2,455 per year

 

Needless to say, I'm going to shelve the hayfever stuff and go back to the over the counter medicine, which doesn't work, and cough and sneeze my way through summer, sleeping on the couch whenever lying down is so uncomfortable that I have to angle my head to control the post-nasal drip.

There must be so many people that have to think through these kinds of choices with healthcare very day here.

My colleague was telling me today that she and her husband had to consider the costs before they decided to get pregnant.

I could go on and on, but I hope this has helped give some insight into why healthcare is so broken here.  And I HAVE insurance, unlike 46 million people (1 in 6) here.

 

To read more Divided by a Common Language, click here

 

Monday
Nov302009

Divided by a Common Language - Homesick again

 

A month or so ago, I wrote about a day when I felt that I didn't want to live here.

I feel like that today too.

Ironically, Fluffy Bear and I are going to look at shipping quotes today to bring all our stuff out of storage and over to the US - making a real commitment to living in this country.

I like the USA, and I have so many wonderful friends here - people who have become like family.

But there are times when I feel that I am different, that I don't belong.

 

I am a member of an online list of people who have been introduced by other people, and discuss all sorts of things.  I have seen people on this list support each other, share their lives and show real online friendship.

But, of course, people also have differing opinions.

And that's fine by me.  I mean, imagine if we all thought the same way?  How tedious.  

It is through the differing opinions of others that we also learn to question our own beliefs and keep ourselves balanced and honest.

I like to debate issues, and I like to see different sides to any story.

I embrace grey areas.  For me, nothing is ever black or white.

 

Growing up brown inside black and white

Perhaps it is because I grew up in a country where a division between black and white was written into law and caused so much pain and destruction.  

I personally heard a speech by someone who said that the Bible and evolution shows that black people are more primitive than white people and it's no use educating them - they were put on earth by God to do the manual work, to be our servants.  Ridiculous.

Within my country, where black was kept divided from white - by separate education, separate living areas - I grew up mixed-race, but legally identified as white.

Therefore, deep within me, there is a recognition of the complexity of things, the history of things, the underlying reasons for things.

 

Taught to question

I had an amazing English teacher in High School.  I'm not sure I really got it at the time but, as I look back, I can see how he, along with my mother, helped to open my mind.

He asked us one day what it would take for us to shoot someone, intending to kill them.  He didn't want us to answer him, just think about it.  I knew exactly what it would take for me to shoot someone... self-defense, or the defense of my family or any person I loved.  I wasn't scared that I would kill someone, I was scared that, when it came down to it, I might fuck it up and fail to stop the attacker, especially if that attacker was a rapist.

My English teacher also asked us how many bad things would have to happen to us for us to end up homeless on the street.  Even today, I ask myself this question, and I try to give money to every homeless person selling newspapers to try to get back on their feet.  Becoming homeless would be so, so simple: 6 steps, that's all it would take.

Estranged from my family --> Fluffy Bear leaves me --> I get depressed and piss off my friends, who turn away from me --> I lose my job --> I can't pay rent or get motivated to get another job --> Homeless.

 

The ultimate question

So if you combine those two things, our ability to kill and hurt other human beings and the simple steps that could completely change our lives, then the ultimate question is:

If everything is a gray area, is anyone out there evil, or could I have ended up where they are, doing what they did?

I really believe there is no such thing as evil.  There is no Axis of Evil, there are no evil people.

Would would it have taken for me to be a serial killer? To be Aileen Wournos, the serial killer played by Charlize Theron in Monster?

Aileen was the progeny of a child bride and a convicted pedophile, who committed suicide.  She was abandoned by her mother, left with her grandparents.  She was sexually abused, pregnant at 13 and gave her child up for adoption.  At 15, she was kicked out of her house and started supporting herself as a prostitute.  She lived in the woods for a time.  Who knows what abuses she suffered as a prostitute, what mental issues she may have inherited genetically and what psychological issues she may have gathered over the years of this awful life? 

If I had gone through the same experience, would I have killed men?

The answer is: I don't know.  But I might have.

I might have.

And I believe anyone might have.

 

So why am I going on about all this?  

Yesterday someone went into a coffee shop South of Tacoma, WA, and shot 4 Police officers who were sitting down, working on laptops and apparently planning their day.  Coming a few weeks after the fatal shooting of Officer Brenton and wounding of Officer Sweeney on Halloween night in Seattle, WA, this is a horrible event to happen in a community that is already hurting.

A man called Maurice Clemmons is a "person of interest", and the Police are searching for him.   Last night they surrounded a house but, we are now told, they didn't find Clemmons there.

While the SWAT team standoff was in progress, I sent an email to my online community saying that I hoped that everyone came out of it OK, including the suspect.

Someone replied that they hoped the suspect died a slow and painful death.

I made the point that evil does not exist, everyone is born in innocence and that criminals do what they do because of:

  • religious indoctrination
  • mental illness
  • factors in their past
  • desperation.

 

I was told that there is evil in the world, and asked how I explain serial killers, the Holocaust or pedophiles.

I said that serial killers have a mental illness, that "The Reader" is a good movie to watch to understand the Holocaust (from the point of view of the German people who took part in running the concentration camps), and that research and debate continues about whether or not pedophiles are mentally ill or not.

I got two replies that were very rude, even abusive, basically telling me that I had obviously never experienced evil and I didn't know what I was talking about.

 

So what?  Grow up!  What's this got to do with being homesick?

"So what?" is right.  I usually enjoy hearing opinions that differ from mine.

But I honestly believe there is a cultural difference here.

Some of the people on the other side of the email debate genuinely seemed to want this man, this as-yet unconvicted suspect, killed.

Maybe the English are less inclined to engage in that kind of rhetoric because they remember times in their history when they were the bad guys - concentration camps in South Africa, quelling uprisings in India.

Maybe the English are more into legal due process because they've been doing it for so much longer, while the US comes from a history of small towns of local Sherriffs who had to do whatever it took to retain order (no blame in this statement, just historical fact). 

Maybe it's because there is less of a gun culture in the UK.

Whatever it is, I just don't remember this kind of lynch mob mentality during the 13 years I lived in England.

And it really saddens me that this man, who has not yet been tried and convicted, is in real danger of being killed a law enforcement officer who may think the way that the people in my email community do.

 

And right now I'd rather be back in England than here in the USA.

I know this feeling will pass.  I'll wake up tomorrow loving the wonderful traditions and amazing landscape and warmth and friendship of all the American people around me.  I'll be grateful again for this place that has given me a new home, a new job and two amazing furkids.  I'll admire the incredible talent all around me, on TV, in public office and in the workplace.

But that's tomorrow.

Not today.

Today I just feel sad.

 

Friday
Nov202009

Divided by a Common Language - Getting emotional

 

 

Being unemployed, I sit around at home a lot with the news channels on.

I was shocked by King County Prosecutor Dan Satterberg’s press conference detailing the charges against a Mr Monfort, who had killed a Police Officer in Seattle, Washington.  Although he started well, praising the Police Officers for their bravery and the public for help in finding the alleged killer, I think he used too much emotive language describing the charges.

Please don’t think that I am in any way siding with Mr Monfort, or that I don’t think that the murder of Officer Brenton was a tragic event.  

I just think that the Prosecutor has an ethical responsibility to leave emotive language out of a press statement, especially one before a trial.  I simply cannot see how a jury can be selected that isn’t prejudiced after this press conference.

I have copied, for contrast, the transcript of a Scotland Yard press conference held after a terrorist bomb attack in London.

I have underlined what I consider to be overemotional language in both press statements.

 

EXTRACTS FROM SATTERBERG’S PRESS CONFERENCE

Today we have charged Christopher Monfort with 5 separate criminal charges:

  • 1 count of aggravated first degree murder for the murder of Officer Brenton
  • 1 count of attempted first degree murder for his attack on Officer Sweeney
  • 1 count of arson in the first degree and attempted first degree murder for his attack and his booby trap that he laid at the Charles Street facility, and
  • 1 count of attempted first degree murder for trying to kill Sgt Nelson on the day of his arrest.

If convicted of aggravated first degree murder – the murder of Office Brenton – the defendant faces one of two possible penalties:

  • Life in prison, without possibility of release, or
  • The death penalty.

...

Today our public peace officers can take a deep breath and relax – just a bit – before they put on their uniforms and go about serving the citizens of this community.

Today the friends and family of Officer Brenton can properly mourn their loss, knowing that other Officers are not at risk from a known assassin

...

In the end, dedicated Police Investigators, working as a team with the citizens they serve, were able to put an end to the defendant’s war on law enforcement.

...

Our charges today allege that Christopher Monfort is responsible for planning and executing a one man war against the Seattle Police Dept.  The evidence that we will ultimately present at trial will show that Monfort is responsible for a series of attacks aimed at the Seattle Police Dept, resulting in the murder of a dedicated Police Officer, and the attempted murder of other officers.

First we allege that, in the early morning of October 22nd, Monfort broke into the City of Seattle Vehicle Maintenance Yard (located on Charles Street, just South of this building) and, inside that lot, Monfort stared a fire in a Seattle Police Mobile Precinct Vehicle – one of those large vehicles that was parked at that scene.

But Monfort’s goal was not simply to cause property damage.  He had placed a number of home made bombs under nearby patrol cars that were fused to explode after the Mobile Precinct Vehicle caught on fire.   The initial fire was deliberately to lure the first responders in to fight that fire within the range of those bombs that were set underneath the gas tanks of nearby patrol cars.  The intent was clearly to kill those officers and first responders.  

We allege that Monfort’s intent to kill at the Charles Street Maintenance Yard is made even more clear by several notes that he left at the scene.  In these notes that Monfort left near the fire – so that investigators would find later – he declared that, quote, “these deaths” were the result of his anger over acts of Police brutality.   And he further warned the Police that they, quote, “better get ready to attend a lot more Police funerals,” unquote.

His anger towards Police was punctuated by a large hunting knife, with an American flag fixed to the handle, which was plunged through the roof of a patrol car.

Second we allege that, just nine days later, Monfort fulfilled his threats to kill with a much simpler and more cold-blooded attack.  At approximately 9:45 on Halloween night, Monfort sat in his 1980 Datsun 210 hatchback, watching and waiting for Officer Timothy Brenton and Trainee Officer Britt Sweeney to finish conducting a routine traffic stop.  He continued to watch and wait as the officers parked their car at 29th and Yesler.  Unaware that they were being stalked, Officer Brenton went about the business of a diligent field training officer, teaching Officer Sweeney the art of good policing. 

We allege that Monfort then drove his car up to the driver’s side of the marked Seattle Police Officer Patrol Vehicle, and immediately opened fire with a high powered rifle.   From just a few feet away, he shot directly at the Officers, killing Officer Brenton immediately, and wounding Officer Sweeney. 

And with the same cold precision with which he approached his victims, Monfort reversed his car, to turn around in a nearby driveway.   But, before he sped from the scene, we allege that he dropped an American Flag bandana out the window.  The same calling card that he had left at the Charles Street scene.

Finally, as the Memorial Service for Officer Brenton was underway at Key Arena on the afternoon of November 6th, we allege that Monfort was making plans for yet another showdown with Police.  His Tuckwila apartment was stockpiled with at least three high powered rifles, including the one used to kill Officer Brenton.  Also, he had a pistol grip shotgun and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, and numerous explosive devices. 

His arsenal of weapons suggested both that he was ready to continue his attacks, and that he was preparing to make a final armed stand should he be discovered.  As most of their colleagues were honoring Officer Brenton at Key Arena that afternoon, three members of the Seattle Police Dept – two Sergeants and a Detective – were outside of Monfort’s apartment in unmarked Police cars.  They’d received a tip from a concerned citizen who had recognized that Monfort’s 1980 Datsun V210 was now covered by a tarp, and that it resembled the car that Police were looking for in connection with the Halloween murders. 

When Monfort left his second floor unit, the plainclothes Officers identified themselves and asked to speak with him.  Monfort started to run towards his apartment, simultaneously turning and producing a handgun.  He ducked into a stairwell.  As one of the Officers, Detective Sgt Gary Nelson, ran after him, Monfort aimed his gun directly at Sgt Nelson and pulled the trigger. 

The gun did not fire.

It was fully loaded, but Monfort had apparently failed to chamber a round, and this oversight saved the life of the pursuing Police Officer, who was standing only a few feet away. 

Monfort ran further, this time chambering a round into his handgun.  He ran directly to his apartment, where guns, home made bombs, grenades, barricades and booby traps were strategically placed and ready. 

But, just before Monfort could reach his apartment door, Officers caught up to him.  Again he pulled his handgun and turned to fire – but Officers fired first, dropping Monfort just steps from his apartment.

Monfort was hit in the stomach and in the face.  He is currently in a stable condition in the hospital, and is expected to recover to face these charges. 

Investigative Officers later searched the defendant’s apartment.  Not only did they find several guns, including the high powered rifle used to murder Officer Brenton, but they found a number of home made bombs, and bomb making material – an intent to kill. 

Police discovered a bomb with a fuse connected to the kitchen stove, ready to explode at the turn of a dial.  They also found hand grenade-type bombs, built with very short fuses, filled with nails and wire, that could be lit and thrown at Officers. 

They also discovered a wall of automobile tires stacked near the entrance of the apartment.  These were mounted on rims, clearly designed to act as a barricade and as a bunker for an impending standoff. 

The evidence that’s outlined in the Certificate for Determination of Probable Cause that supports these charges today sets forth in even greater detail the fruits of this extraordinary investigation.  These details include a ballistics match between the rifle found at the Monfort apartment and the slugs recovered from the murder scene of Officer Brenton.  The details also describe a DNA profile match.  A match between Monfort’s profile, DNA found off the American flag bandana and the American flag left hanging at the Charles Street bombing. 

 

 

SCOTLAND YARD PRESS CONFERENCE

Press conference 25 July, 14:50

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Peter Clarke, Metropolitan Police Service Anti-Terrorist Branch said: 

"A few days ago we made a public appeal. The appeal was for help in identifying the four men we needed to urgently trace in connection with the attempts to set off four bombs on the transport system in London, last Thursday the 21st July. 

We still want to question them about the incidents at the Oval, Shepherd's Bush and Warren Street underground stations, and on a Route 26 bus in Hackney Road, at the junction with Colombia Road. 

I can tell you that since Thursday there have been developments in the investigation. 

I hope that by setting out some of what we have been able to learn over the past few days, the public may be able to contribute even more to the progress of the investigation. 

Three of the men we wish to trace all entered Stockwell underground station just before 12.25pm, last Thursday, 21st July 2005. 

The first man got onto a Northern line northbound train and shortly afterwards attempted to set off a bomb between Stockwell and Oval stations. The train stopped at Oval station and he was then chased from the station by extraordinarily brave members of the public who tried to detain him. He left the Oval station at about 12.35pm and ran along Brixton Road, towards Brixton. He went into Normandy Road, Cowley Road, Gosling Way, where at the junction with Mostyn Gardens, he threw away his top with the New York logo. He then went into Cancell Road, Frederick Crescent and Langton Road. He was last seen at a quarter to one in Tindall Street. 

The second man also went into Stockwell underground station. He was seen walking towards the platforms. We know that at 12.53 he got on a number 26 Bus in the Bank area of the City. He was carrying a grey & black rucksack and sat on a seat towards the back of the bus with the bag next to him. He too tried to set off a bomb. He got off the bus in Hackney Road at about five past one. 

We now believe the man on the bus who attempted to set off the bomb to be: 

Muktar SAID-IBRAHIM, also known as Muktar Mohammed-Said. We believe he was associated with, and has recently visited, 58 Curtis House in Ladderswood Way, London, N11. He is 27 years old and today I am also releasing another photograph of this man. 

As I speak we are currently searching a number of addresses in London including 58 Curtis House. 

A third man entered Stockwell underground station at the same time as the others with a small purple rucksack. He tried to set off a bomb on a northbound Victoria line train between Oxford Circus and Warren Street underground stations. Shortly afterwards, at about 12.40pm he was seen without the rucksack in Warren Street station. He then left the booking hall by vaulting over the ticket barrier and running towards the exit. We believe this man to be Yasin Hassan OMAR. He is 24 years-old. 

A fourth man involved in this series of attacks entered Westbourne Park underground station just after 12.20pm last Thursday. He was wearing a dark blue baseball cap and carrying a small rucksack. He then got on a train travelling towards Shepherds Bush. A short while later he too tried to set off a bomb. He then got off the train, probably by climbing through a window at the end of the carriage. He then made his way along the track for about two to three hundred yards, before climbing down into back gardens and making good his escape. He went along McFarlane Road, past the BBC building in Wood Lane, and was last seen running under the A40. 

Initial forensic examination of the four partially detonated devices has revealed clear similarities with yet another bomb which was found by a member of the public on Saturday 23rd July. This had apparently been abandoned in an open area at Little Wormwood Scrubs, in west London. 

All five of these bombs had been placed inside dark coloured rucksacks or sports bags. All of them were made using the same type of plastic food storage container. These were manufactured in India, and are exported through one company into this country and then sold in approximately 100 outlets across the United Kingdom. The type we are interested in is this six and a quarter litre sized container with a white plastic lid. It has a label describing it as a "Delta 6250 with Lid", and also has another coloured label with the description "Family Containers, Delta, Superior Quality." Please note that we are only interested in the white lid variety. They are also produced in other colours. 

My appeal is to any shop keepers and shop workers who may have sold five or more of these identical food containers in recent months, perhaps to the same customer. Do you remember selling a number of these white topped containers at the same time? Do you remember selling them to men you perhaps recognise from the CCTV images we have released?

I would appeal to anyone who has information about where these men currently are should immediately call 999 for an emergency urgent police response. The public should not approach them. 

Anyone who believes they know the identities of these men, or has any other information about them or their movements should contact the confidential Anti-Terrorist Hotline on XXX XXXXX."

 

Tuesday
Oct062009

Divided by a Common Language - Today, I don't want to live here

 

I was at Costco today, and I passed the table of books for sale.  There, in the middle, were three piles of books by Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck is a radio and TV personality on the much vilified Fox News channel (called Fucked News, Fox Skewed, Faux News, Fox Noise, Fox Spews) which is blatantly conservative. 

Glenn Beck, too, is blatantly conservative, famous for reports like his finding "Communist" art on the buildings around where he works in Manhattan.

Needless to say, I don't share his political views. 

But, so what?  

That doesn't explain why I found myself stepping over to the table, grabbing the books next to the Glenn Beck stack and trying to cover up all his books so no-one would buy them and muttering "No-one should give this man any money!"

As I was being completely irrational, an older woman, perhaps in her 60s or 70s, well groomed, came up to the table and started moving the books that I was using to cover Glenn Beck.

 

"Have you ever actually listened to him?" she asked me.

"Yes Ma'am, I have," I said and, realizing I was being completely nuts, walked away.

 

As I left, I felt a sadness, a weight bear down on me.  

Fluffy Bear had heard the exchange.

 

 "What's up, honey?" he asked me.

"These are the times," I told him, "when I am not sure if I want to live here."

"Aw honey," he replied.  "Don't worry about it.  Uber-Conservatives ran this country for the last 8 years and they managed not to break it."

"OH YES THEY DID!" I screeched.  "The financial collapse, the war, the national debt..."

 "OK, honey, take deep breaths..."

 

I did, but the sadness didn't lift and here I am, hours later, still thinking about this incident.  

Why am I going against everything I usually believe in and, instead of allowing others their views and opinions, thinking they are wrong?  Why am I so concerned about the vocal rise of the Conservatives since Obama took office?  Why does living in America, where I have a lovely home in a great town, amazing friends, wonderful scenery, feel like a guilty pleasure on a day like this?

I am an open-minded person, who is very tolerant of people's views, no matter what they are.

I grew up in South Africa, for God's sake.

I remember staying with friends in the North of the country and going shopping.  In the mall, there was a table with the AWB (Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging), the closest thing South Africa has to the Klu Klux Klan.  

I didn't run up to them and cover up their books.  I didn't go over and argue with them.  

I just felt sorry for them, these people who were at the bottom of the White ladder and therefore having most to lose from the emancipation of the disenfranchised Black community.  

I didn't feel threatened by them.  I didn't feel like my country was in a downward spiral.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Even back in early 90's, we knew that positive change was coming.

Here, in a country that never institutionalized racism into law, the history currently being written is very different to South Africa's.

Unlike the AWB, who operated on the fringes, the right wing here has the might of the Fox channel, and people like Glenn Beck and Russ Limbaugh shouting across the airwaves, legitimizing their views as "news."  

Unlike Mandela and De Klerk, a revolutionary embraced by a member of the old guard - black meeting white with mutual respect - the right wing here refers to a mixed race man as Black and someone takes a gun to a rally where he is appearing.  

Unlike South Africa, where there was one key issue - giving Black people the vote so they could vote in their own representation - the right wing here is jumping on all sorts of issues which it says will ruin their country.  Someone yells at a person in a wheelchair at a healthcare town hall meeting "I am not paying for your medical bills!"  There are Tea Party meetings, referring to the famous incident in Boston, protesting against government spending and taxation.  Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and others cheer when Rio wins the 2016 Olympics instead of Chicago, calling it the world rejecting Obama.

Why this noisy, cruel vitriol?

I wonder if the American culture - so successfully exported worldwide - may now be the very thing that is killing it's maker.

A country that has a very strong ethic of personal accountability and believes in the ability of the individual to achieve the American dream is not a country that believes in personal sacrifice for the common good.  

It's not even a country.  It's a set of "United States" and many say centralized government - whose very existence is to serve the common good - needs to "stay out of people's lives."  

But... here's why I worry.  Because...

...in a world where nature and globalization don't allow each US state to be self-sufficient, working together, for everyone's common good, has to start sometime 

...in a world where jobs can be done remotely and we are all moving towards a knowledge economy, having excruciatingly high university fees, intelligent kids who can't afford education and interference in schooling by Christian fundamentalists is going to affect you economically

...in a world where the USA's economy is intertwined with everyone else's, having people choose their jobs based on healthcare benefits, sending people into bankruptcy due to unforeseen medical bills and strangling new enterprise with over-large healthcare and pension bills, is going to cause the USA to continue to slip and slide into economic chaos

...in a world where we are all suffering economically, having inefficient, over-bloated healthcare system that doesn't take care of everyone is not only unethical, it's doesn't make good financial sense.

 

If things keep going badly, if the USA doesn't make major changes, the future is bleak.  

Really bleak.

And every old lady that buys into Glenn Beck and exercises her vote, keeps the USA headed down it's road to economic, political and environmental doom.

And I love my life here.  I love my friends.  I love the landscape.  I love the humor.  I love the down-home hospitality.  I love the TV.  I love Nordstrom.  I love Ben and Jerrys.  I love hotdogs.  I love waffles.  I love mac and cheese.  I love the work ethic.  Hell, I even love Garth Brooks.  

And there's so much of this amazing, beautiful, diverse country that I haven't even seen yet.

And I don't want it to go down the tubes.

And so I'm sad.

And today, I don't want to live here.

Because I love this place.  I want it to thrive. And instead, I am afraid I'll have to watch it get ruined.

 

 

Glenn Beck quotes:

Would you kill someone for that?...I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore...I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it,...No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus — band — Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure. 
  • The Glenn Beck Program, May 17, 2005
  • Posed question: What would people do for $50 million dollars?

Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization. The goal is global carbon tax.…You need to have fear. You needed to have the fear of starvation. You needed to have the fear of the whole place going to hell in a handbasket. Which — do we have that fear now with global warming?…Then you have to discredit the scientists that say 'That's not right.' And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing].[4]
  • The Glenn Beck Program, April 30, 2007
  • Glenn Beck on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth
Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Glenn_Beck
Friday
Sep042009

Divided by a Common Language - Lesson time

Right, children!  Sit up nicely, hands on desks, chin up, shoulders back.
 
Here we go...
 
 
Lesson No. 1
 
Say "New."
 
NEW.
 
Good.  Now say "Clear."
 
CLEAR.
 
Right.  Now say it like you are being rude and making fun of a Southerner.  "Klee-ah."
 
KLEE-AH.
 
Good.  Now put it all together with the emphasis on "New".  "New-klee-ah"
 
NEW-KLEE-AH.  NEW-KLEE-AH.  NEW-KLEE-AH.
 
That's correct!  Not "Nucular" but "Nuclear!"  
 
Well done!
 
 
Lesson No. 2
 
Say "Norm," like our favorite character in Cheers.
 
NORM.
 
Good.  Now say "Al" like our favorite Earth Warrior, Al Gore.
 
AL.
 
Right.  Now say "Itty" like your favorite bitch, Ittybittycrazy.
 
ITTY.
 
Good.  Now put it all together with the emphasis on "Al".  "Norm-al-itty."
 
NORM-AL-ITTY. NORM-AL-ITTY. NORM-AL-ITTY.
 
That's correct!  Not "Normalcy" but "Normality!"  
 
Well done!
 
 
Lesson No. 3
 
Say "Herbert," like your uncle Herbert.
 
HERBERT.
 
Good.  Now say "Herbie" like our favourite racing VW Bug.
 
HERBIE.
 
Right.  Now say "Herb" like you're all grown up and can address your uncle by a nickname without seeming cheeky.
 
HERB.
 
That's right!  Not "Erb" but "Herb."
 
Now let's use it in a sentence.  "Cilantro is a Herb."
 
CILANTRO IS A HERB.  CILANTRO IS A HERB.  CILANTRO IS A HERB.
 
(Well, actually, it's Coriander, but let's not split hairs.)
 
Well done!
 
 
That concludes our lesson for today.  
 
Keep trying it out at home, children.  Practise makes perfect!
 
Sunday
Aug302009

Divided by a Common Language - Love thy neighbor

 

We are about to go to a Block Party.

This seems to me to be an American phenomenon.  In suburban England, one does not consort with one's immediate neighbors.

I remember talking to a friend in the UK who had met her neighbor and got on well with her.  Then, she said, her neighbor asked her out.  She found a way to refuse.  When I asked her why, she said that being close to one's neighbor's is dangerous. 

"What if we become friends and then have a fight?" she asked.  "Then I have to see her every day."

Although I was initially horrified at her close-mindedness, after I thought about it, I saw her point.  It's a bit like the magazine articles these days that advise women not to shag men who live in their apartment building.

In England, if you happen to see your neighbor you do one of five things:

  • Say "Hello", and smile, no teeth
  • Wave and smile, no teeth
  • Nod at them with small smile, no teeth
  • Duck under your umbrella and pretend you didn't see them
  • Take out your mobile phone and act like you have a call

Any other communication is carried out by letter, slipped through the letter box slot in the front door.  Even exchanging email addresses is too intimate.

I see people on the news here, when they are being interviewed about someone on their street found dead, or whose house burnt down, or whatever, saying things that indicate that, to some extent, they knew the person.

They say things like:

"Yeah, our kids used to play together.  They were a nice family."

In suburban England, the only reply would be:

"Well, he seemed like a nice chap.  Always said hello when we saw each other out gardening."

Or...

"They seemed like a nice family.  Never made any trouble.  No noisy parties or anything like that."

It's three minutes till we are supposed to step out and meet our fellow block dwellers.  We are sitting on the couch, front door closed, watching British TV.  Probably because we need a quick reminder of who we are and where we come from before we have to go out and assimilate.

Wish us luck.

 

Friday
Aug212009

Divided by a Common Language - Resistance is futile

 

"Resistance is futile - you will be assimilated."

The Borg, Star Trek

 

I don't mind taking on elements of the culture of my host country... it's natural that I would.

But we have guests from the UK staying with us this week and, because I am now reminded how Londoners speak, I realize how much my vocabulary has changed.

And so I say:

  • "Wah-duh" rather than "War-tuh" (mainly because servers in restaurants don't understand what I want otherwise)
  • "Hey" rather than "Hello," or even "Hi"
  • "See ya" rather than "Cheers"
  • "What's up with you?" rather than "How are you?"
  • "I'm sick" rather than "I'm ill"
  • "Can we get the check?" rather than "Can we please have the bill?"
  • "Good job!" rather than "Well done!"

It's most noticeable when I swear:

  • No longer "Bollocks!" but "Asswipe!"
  • No longer "Pillock!" but "Dickwad!"
  • No longer "Arsehole" but "Asshole"

I wonder if learning how to say "Ass" rather than "Arse" qualifies me for citizenship?

I'm not sure that would have been helpful in my Green Card interview... but you never know...

 

Thursday
Jul232009

Divided by a Common Language - The Tram Tour

England, as you probably know, is a very small place. Imagine Texas farted. That would be England.

Some might argue that, historically, it's the other way around, but let's not go there.

There are malls in England. Some are relatively big, but nothinglike what you have here. We just don't have the space. Thank God.

So there we are in LA and we stumble on a new mall in Glendale. The mall is a hollow square, with a big area in the middle - let's call it a piazza.

The piazza has grass and fountains and little carts where more stuff is sold. In one corner there's a cinema, there are restaurants with patios and lots of high end stores. It's all very clean and nice. Too clean and nice, when you come from Europe and cities are old and dirty.

But, OK, I can live with that.

The fountains shoot spurts of water in constant accompaniment with piped show tunes. On top of the stores, there are condoes. It's a mystery to me who wants to live in a place where "Fly me to the Moon" and similar songs blast out from 9am to 6pm but hey - it takes all sorts to make a world, as my mother used to say. They choose to live there - it's their problem.

I can live with that.

I am starting to get used to the idea of the Mall being a destinationfor the day. Something to look at, to experience, like the beach or the mountains. It's depressing, but it's a fact - families go to the mall as an outing.

I can live with that.

There was a fake San-Francisco-type tram going round the outer edge of the piazza. It was cute and fun for kids with the conductor ringing the bell.

I can live with that, too.

What I couldn't stand was - wait for it - it had a tour guide. I actually heard him as the tram rumbled past...

 

"And here we have Crate and Barrel. There's the Gap on your left and..."

 

A tram tour of a mall?

Are you fracking kidding me?


Saturday
Jul042009

Divided by a Common Language - Independence Day

  
  
Independence Day in the US today.  
 
Fluffy Bear threatens, every year, to hang up a British flag, but we never go through with it.
 
I am satisfied to tell my friends - those who understand my sense of humor - that they don't know a good king when they have one.
 
To those who I know appreciate Monty Python, I yell
 
 "SPLITTERS!!!"
 
 
Wednesday
Jun102009

Divided by a Common Language: Privacy for PeePoops

 

 

Why are the doors on public toilets in the USA slightly too small for the stalls, so that there is a half inch gap on both sides?
If you walk into a public restroom and look at the stalls at the right angle, you can see who is in there and what they are doing.  
Which means, when you are on the other side of the stall door, people can see you.  

Not only that, but restroom doors here don't tend to have those little indicators attached to the latches which say "Vacant" or "Occupied" so you have no choice but to peer through the gap to see if someone is in the stall.
Why?
I want to pee and poop in peace and in privacy!

 

Wednesday
May132009

Divided by a Common Language - Eurovision again


So.... let's see how well Everywhereventually and I did with our scoring.  Remember people in the UK can't vote for the UK, so we are leaving our home country out of our scoring.
I've put our top ten down below according to how points are awarded in Eurovision.  Then I compare them to the songs that actually got through to the Final so we can see how accurate EE and I are.  Don't hold your breath on that one.
Everywhereventually's Top Ten:
12 points to... Ukraine
10 points to... Albania
8 points to...   Estonia
7 points to...   Armenia
6 points to...   Turkey
5 points to...   Norway
4 points to...   Moldova
3 points to...   Greece
2 points to...   Hungary
1 point to...     France
My Top Ten:
Well of course, EE scored his out of 100 and I scored mine out of 10 so I have a bunch of stuff that's rated the same.  So excuse me while I take the time to listen to some stuff again to rank the songs properly.... D'oh!
12 points to... Turkey
10 points to... Belgium
8 points to...   Hungary
7 points to...   Estonia
6 points to...   Azerbaijan
5 points to...   Norway
4 points to...   Ireland
3 points to...   Montenegro
2 points to...   Denmark
1 point to...     Armenia
So let's see if EE and my top picks even got into the Final.  As you know, UK, Spain, Germany and France are automatically in the final, as is Russia, because they won last year.
We'll see what happens soon enough...
Well, actually, I won't see what happens, because it isn't broadcast here, which is annoying.  Not even on BBC America.  I'll have to wait till EE comes to visit and he brings the DVD.

Wednesday
May132009

Divided by a Common Language - Eurovision 4

 

I am soooo behind on this.  I think Eurovision is about to happen and I haven't finished my reviews yet.  So, here goes.
Here are the reviews of the songs from the countries who automatically make it through to the final.  You can find the songs on YouTube or eurovision.tv.

You can find posts which explain what the feck Eurovision is, and two posts reviewing the other songs, if you search under the "Divided by a Common Language" series of posts.

 

I have included the scores of my dear friend, Everywhereventually, a Eurovision aficionado. You can see his take on Eurovision and his reviews on the songs on his site, here

France - S'il fallait le faire (If it had to be done)
The French language has a lot of words that end in soft vowel sounds, rather than hard consonant sounds.  Therefore it is not a language conducive to pop songs.  France also has a tradition of poetry to music rather than pop songs.  Perhaps these two things explain why this is yet another tedious ballad from France as their entry.  
Yawn.
Score: 4/10
EE Score: 86/100
 
Damn, now that I've listened to a French song my brain has started doing it's internal monologue in French and I am struggling to express myself in English.  It will only take a minute or two for it to switch back.  It's amazing how the brain can do that, when you know more than one language.  Mine switches pretty easily - it just doesn't always switch in the right way.  I remember taking my final exams in High School and, when I was in my German exam and I tried to translate a word into German, the French word would pop into my head, and vice versa.
 
Anyway, back to Eurovision.
 
Russia - Mamo
Russia is hosting this year and they obviously don't want to be doing it again next year because this song is just shit.  A  young girl with badly dyed black hair is singing as if she's in a death scene at the opera.  It's a pop song, so why is she acting like she's going to die any moment?
Crap.
Score: 2/10
EE score:  6/100
 
Germany - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang
Upbeat big band.  Interesting and fun.  More America than Germany though... the secret at Eurovision is to do a pop song that is mainstream but still has a flavor - an instrument, a sound, a beat - of your country.  This is nice, but gets point deducted for not evoking Germany in any way.
Score: 7/10
EE score: 71/100
UK - It's my Time
 
This suffers from the same lack of cultural reference as the German song.  This is very Whitey Houston.  The song has some flavors of Andrew Lloyd Webber, which I supposed could be iconically British.  It's reasonably good, but there are other songs that are better.
Score: 7/10
EE score: 100/100 (perhaps a little partisan?)
 
Spain - La Noche es Para Mi (The Night is for Me)
At first I was going to level the same criticism at Spain re this song not having a national flavor, because it is more of a Middle Eastern beat.  But then I remembered that Spain does have a strong North African experience, being very close to the African coat at certain points.  This is a song which will definitely be played in all the Spanish clubs over the summer.  It's pretty good, but it just doesn't grab me in any way.  I much prefer Turkey's.
Score: 7/10
EE score: 66/100
 
So now you have my full two cents on this topic.  
 
We'll soon see who wins!

 

 

Wednesday
May132009

Divided by a Common Language - News

BBC News America is an abomination.  If you can find BBC World News on your local PBS channel here in the US, watch that instead.  
BBC News America is BBC News dumbed down because some cretin clearly thinks that the existence of Fox News means all Americans are stupid.
Quote from tonight's news bulletin:
"Scientists are saying that the polar ice caps could melt in as little as not twenty, not ten but five years.  That's only five Memorial Days away."
This is an insult to the BBC, to the UK and to Americans.  On behalf of the UK, I'd like to apologize to all Americans for the imbecilic editor who is responsible for this drivel.  Mr Rome Hartman, stand up and take a bow, you condescending twit.