My week in tweets - 27 June 2010

 

• Germany is the only surviving Old World team. Another indication that the economic dominance of Europe/US is over #worldcup
• One key difference between English and US teams: the US NEVER gives up #worldcup
• One good thing about no video reffing: football teaches you that life isn't fair #worldcup
• Gotta admit, this #worldcup  has been very clean. Then again I haven't watched an Argentina game...
• The English defence is laughable. #worldcup  This is turning into a depressing day
• Another four letter word England need to learn: MARK #worldcup
• Gerard and Lampard need to learn that four letter word. PASS #worldcup
• Crowd booing the ref, and rightly so #worldcup
• #FIFAsucks Its time for video reffing you bastards
• This is bullshit. FIFA fuck with the ball and don't give us video refereeing. They better improve next #worldcup
• In America the crazy weather makes you pray. In England it's the sport. #worldcup
• NO! NO! NO! #worldcup  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
• A little disturbing when the most attractive man on the England side is their Italian coach. We miss you, Becks. #worldcup
• My TV just switched channels to Good Morning America from the football by itself. The gods are taking the piss #worldcup 
• Love seeing Mick Jagger at the #worldcup . Nice to see a millionaire who does something cool with his money. Exactly what I'd do
• Oh fuck-fuck fuckity FUCK! #worldcup
• Your cereal smells good Mama http://tweetphoto.com/29480906
• Less than 15 mins into German game & English commentator has made an oblique reference to WW2! #worldcup
• England are basically playing in front of a home crowd. #worldcup
• Goddamn I'm jonesing for a good British-Indian made Lamb Pathia
• Sometimes it's hard to watch the #worldcup http://tweetphoto.com/29417319
• Watching Green Zone. Reminded what a fucking waste of time and money & lives Iraq war is. To what degree root cause of recession, I wonder
• FBear: "Granny Weatherwax has nothing on you." High praise, indeed
• Seattle Pride tomorrow! Come on out and play!
• Ag shame, USA. But good performance through the tournament. #worldcup 
• USA!!!! USA!!!! USA!!!! #worldcup
• COUCH POTATO: Just watched Black Dynamite. Sheer genius.
• Just watched Book of Eli on Pay Per View. Denzel Washington owes me $6
• Movie The Book of Eli belongs here: http://tweetphoto.com/28989073
• Note to self: check the toilet paper situation before starting yo bizniz
• Italy's out?!???!? Oh, merda! #worldcup
• Whoever is in charge of the Port Elizabeth pitch needs to be fired. Whipped. Then fired. It's worse than my high school field #worldcup
• #LieToMe quotes. Lightman's ex-wife to him as he stands in a jail cell: "You know, a room like this could've saved our marriage!"
• #LieToMe quotes "Seems there's a lot of chemistry between you & your ex-wife."  
• Bafana bafana!!!!!!!!! Don't advance but beat France!!! #worldcup
• Correction: it's a place in Ireland giving out free pizza whenever France concedes a goal. Revenge for the hand ball in last #worldcup
• There's a pizza co in South Africa giving away free pizza everytime France scores a goal. Ha ha! #worldcup
• Mama? WTF? http://tweetphoto.com/28495175
• I gotta bunny! http://tweetphoto.com/28494872
• #Goodguys quotes: "This guy can't go to jail! Look at his face! It's got Be My Wife written all over it!"
• #Goodguys quotes: "Your daughter's dating a drummer? That's disgusting."
• #Goodguys quotes: "Women are like kittens. They just want to be taken care of."
• #Goodguys quotes: "There are some smells you can't unsmell." 
• Ham on #SavingGrace to his pregnant Captain: "Maybe donuts aren't such a great idea." Men, NOTE: This is very, very stupid
• After the NKorea Portugal game, I hope the poor NKorean goalie doesn't get sent to a work camp

My week in tweets - 13 June 2010

 

Read from the bottom up... 

"You wanna really fuck somebody's life up, tell the truth about them." #Trueblood quotes

7:52 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

"I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight Pam!" #Trueblood quotes

7:43 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

"I need to see a lot less conscience and a lot more cohones and I need to see it pronto!" #Trueblood quotes

7:41 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

"I've finally seen fans come through my meet & greet line who are my height rather than coming up to my heel." Miley Cyrus on new image

6:52 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

Graham Norton on the last Big Brother on the UK: "Where will hideous no hopers go to become tragic has-beens now?"

6:39 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

Celebrities who get other people to run their Twitter, with post that talk about them in the 3rd person, are missing the point.

1:25 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

FBear & I currently laffin' our asses off at a movie where the hero takes a black cab from Heathrow to Stonehenge. At least $400

1:22 PM Jun 13th via TweetDeck

1:1 = A win for the USA. Sigh.

12:26 PM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

Just got shat on by the bar ownerfor yelling "Get up you diving bastard". Americans have NO idea how this works #worldcup

12:14 PM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

I think the ref had BP shares #worldcup

12:11 PM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

Well done US goalie... You bastard

11:41 AM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

Cappello is going to send his boyz round to Green's house

11:37 AM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

Green is dead. The press vultures are circling already #worldcup

11:19 AM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

EN-GER-LAAAAND!

10:33 AM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

We let her lick the lasagne dish last night and now Puppy Girl has a tiny vuvuzela up her bum

9:11 AM Jun 12th via TweetDeck

Businessman walking towards on the street just did huge loud burp. What does one say in these situations?

11:14 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Colleague noisily clears throat. Me: You sick? Him: No, just getting ready to speak Yiddish.

10:19 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

My colleague: "1:1? That's like kissing your sister!" #worldcup

8:48 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Life's little mysteries: How does dog hair get into my iPhone cover?

8:29 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Oh boy oh boy. South African hospitals are going to be very busy in 9 months time

7:54 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

God must be deafened with all the praying #worldcup

7:47 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Desmond Tutu looks hilarious in that hat #worldcup

7:44 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Apprently my South African accent is getting stronger and stronger as the game progresses #worldcup

7:13 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Dear Lord. Help me to change the things I can, accept the arrogant ignorance I can't and the wisdom to know the difference.

7:01 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

OK this lighter ball is fucking everything up #Worldcup

6:48 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Why don't they have the option to appeal to video ref re Mexico goal? #Worldcup

6:44 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

BAFANA BAFANA!!!

6:39 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

These bullhorn thingies could get a bit annoying. #Worldcup

6:25 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

Aw COME ON Pienaar! You just gave that goal away!

6:23 AM Jun 11th via TweetDeck

I'm too old for pubs with loud music and yelled conversation

3:41 PM Jun 10th via TweetDeck

There is a World Cup fixtures chart up in my office. Hearing the ignorance of some if the comments is astounding

8:47 AM Jun 10th via TweetDeck

Whitman spent $71m on Gov race. English national election: electoral commission sets max £30K / constituency. USA excess revolting

9:21 PM Jun 9th via TweetDeck

Well so much for the anti-incumbent "wave". Only ONE incumbent lost in election. Pffffft.

9:03 PM Jun 9th via TweetDeck

Watching #Justified makes me appreciate my family.

6:39 PM Jun 9th via TweetDeck

Losing weight is great but when you're wearing a dress and your panties start falling down as you walk home... Not so much

5:47 PM Jun 9th via TweetDeck

There are far too many people on the bus. I must be running late. Sigh.

6:47 AM Jun 9th via TweetDeck

You know that girl in the bikini in the Carl's Jnr Teriaki Burger ad? What she consumed during filming is the only thing she ate that week

9:57 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Jon Stewart on Job numbers: "New jobs! That's the 3rd best kind, after Hand and...."

9:40 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Whoa! Obama's honeymoon with Jon Stewart is SO over!

9:39 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on growing up in the UK: "I played on oil soaked beaches all the time and I'm fine!" (too soon to joke?)

9:31 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Man in Seattle gets his girlfriend to sign a contract saying he can abuse her. Asshole AND stoopid

9:21 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

It's going to be a long summer for the agents of the #Glee kids... Renegotiate!

9:17 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on #Glee: I wonder how many takes some of Will and Sue's scenes take.

9:14 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

#Glee: "I remain unmoved by your nattering of tripe platitudes to your ill shapen students that life can be improved by singing about it."

9:13 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

#Glee quotes: "Oh please! Brunettes have no place in show business!" Olivia Newton-John

9:00 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on the baby being brought to Quinn in #Glee: Thats not freshly hatched! That's been around the block!

8:57 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on Bohemian Rhapsody in #Glee: Nobody will ever do this as well as Wayne's World

8:52 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

The first Show Choir is called Oral Intensity. Bwah ha ha! #Glee

8:41 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Yeah! Back to #Glee roots! "don't stop believing... Hold on to that feeling..."

8:34 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

"... I keep waiting to see racist Disney characters pop out and start singing about the Bayou!" #Glee

8:30 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

"I am having a hard time hearing what you're saying because your hair looks like a briar patch..." #Glee

8:29 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Starting #Glee on the DVR... Get ready for tweets which are 25 mins behind!

8:27 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

Dear VH1: The next series of You're Cut Off better be with MEN

8:13 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

You're Cut Off Quotes: To be beautiful takes money.

8:10 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

You're Cut Off Quotes: My possessions mean everything to me. They're my life!

8:09 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

You're Cut Off Quotes: I don't believe in violence but I can slap a bitch if I have to

8:07 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

You're Cut Off Quotes: Cooking and cleaning is not stuff I do, because a Diva needs her soft hands

8:04 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

You're Cut Off Quotes: I'm used to popping bottles not boxed wine!

8:01 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on You're Cut Off: Boxed wine? They may be pushing these poor women too far!

8:00 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

FBear on You're Cut Off: Oh come on! This is way better than The OCD Project! These women have REAL problems!

7:59 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

So You're Cut Off is about little princesses who have to learn to be normal and work. So howcome there are no entitled MEN on this show?!?!

7:54 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

I have created a monster. Made FBear sit through reality TV and now he's making me watch You're Cut Off. Look it up. Heinous.

7:51 PM Jun 8th via TweetDeck

"Sounds to me like a quid pro no quo. I want my quo!" The Good Guys

9:09 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

"If anyone makes money off American cars it should be Americans. Made in America. Stolen in America. Chopped in America!" The Good Guys

9:07 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

"We used to celebrate a bust with oysters and beer! You never knew what was going to make you puke first!" The Good Guys

9:03 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

"I have heard tell 'if you love something set it free' then track it down." The Good Guys

8:51 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

"After she took your manhood where'd she put it, in a jar?" The Good Guys

8:45 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

Dear Tom Cruise: Please go ahead and ascend to your higher plane of existence so we don't have to see you in movies anymore

8:12 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

Elton playing at Rush's wedding was "punishment for duetting with M&M" Michael Musto on Countdown

5:01 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

Ridiculous plot points in Waterworld: there are no storms at sea

9:28 PM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

Ridiculous plot points in Waterworld: Moving a supertanker with oars

9:18 PM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

Ridiculous plot points in Waterworld: People have forgotten how to navigate by the stars

9:17 PM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

Watching Waterworld. The show at Universal Studios was fun but not sure about the movie

7:46 PM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

PIC - Dreamland - where bones are big and cats are slow http://www.ittybittycrazy.com/pics/

2:32 PM Jun 6th via web

He ain't heavy he ma bruvva http://tweetphoto.com/25957143

11:22 AM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

The face of hope http://tweetphoto.com/25955222

11:10 AM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

Do you know anyone with OCD? Tell them to watch the OCD project on VH1. Avail on website.

11:03 AM Jun 6th via TweetDeck

My week in tweets - 25 May 2010

Goddamn sunshine making me feel guilty. Bugger off hotgasball! I'm staying on the couch!

No semi naked Uglies in Hot Yoga today, thank God. Been told Hot Yoga is a pick up deal. Not if you see the men at mine! 

Based on the ad, I wouldn't want to be friends with the pretentious bastards who are “Michelob Ultra people”

Heh heh heh! http://reflectionof.me/steve-jobs-and-bill-gates-jokes

Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker #crapyoureallydontneed

Hubby is about to roast veggies http://tweetphoto.com/23717003

The view from the loo http://tweetphoto.com/23716306

"Your knickers headed South so fast you'd have thought they had their own rail card!" Gene Hunt, Ashes to Ashes

"What's that?" "It’s cocktail hour!" "Can I get a drink that doesn't look like it's minced its way over from Mayfair?" Gene Hunt

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/bp-calls-in-costners-26m-vacuum-cleaners-to-mop-up-huge-oil-spill-1979976.html

I swear to God the MINUTE I (finally!) hit the couch, the dogs ask to go out to pee. Flashback to my mother snapping: "I JUST sat down!"

At coffee shop 2 http://tweetphoto.com/23527510

At coffee shop. Baby crying cos she wants to keep walking http://tweetphoto.com/23527362

Young Yeller #LesserBooks

The Mediocre Gadsby #LesserBooks

Gulliver's Gardening #LesserBooks

Sybwell #LesserBooks

Oliver Straight #LesserBooks

Realistic Expectations #lesserbooks

As a South African I feel justified in saying that this insidious thinly veiled Racism rampant in US (Rand Paul, Tea Parties) is repulsive

Macaroni cheese with no cheese is just baked macaroni, even if it's free, Cafeteria!

Prostitution would be legalized and controlled #ifiruledtheworld

Hummers would be banned #ifiruledtheworld

Birth Control would be free #ifiruledtheworld

Gay Marriage would be legal #ifiruledtheworld

Dammit! Someone's in MY toilet stall at work! WTF? Oh great. I sit down in another stall and NOW she flushes/finishes. Typical!

Bus conversation: "Did you know that in some European countries you just put yr garbage bag out in the street and in the morning it's gone?"

Bus conversation: "What day is today? Is it.... wait..."

Bus conversation: "His dad caught him out and asked him what he was doing." "Dude, what IS that?" "Yeah, he went on his Facebook!"

Note to self: Being late means you get to ride on the bus with kids who talk so loud you can hear them over yr iPod. Tomorrow, be on time!

Sooooooo late for work it's not even funny. Sheeee-yeeeet.

3D TV #crapyoureallydontneed

Goddammit Calorie Counter! I want a Baby Ruth bar! Shut up! Just shhhh! Zip it! Zzzzzzip it! Sh! Sh! Sh!

When FBear talks about Twilight New Moon he never says the name he just says "Mope. Mope. Mope."

Oh God they're already advertising the next Twilight movie. We saw the last one @ adult cinema and I had to drink 4 cocktails to get thru it

There are 5.5 million American citizens whose parents don't have papers.

Hey politicians who tout family values, why support an Immigration Policy that breaks families up?

5th Grader asks Michelle Obama if her mom is going to be taken away cos she doesn't have papers

Stop spellchecking me iPhone! I WANT to type "caca poopoo" because THAT is what the weather IS

Did you know what the month of May is? http://tweetphoto.com/23066329

More badly raised pitbulls on Kiro 7 news giving the breed a bad name. Pitts can be such lovely dogs

Heads roll at Fox 13 News for refusing to run Police abuse footage that was offered to them 1st by a person who was under contract to them

FBear: Did Jaden Smith drop the Pinkett because he saw his mother's career wasn't going anywhere?

Dear Hollywood: tell good stories, make good movies. Fuck 3D

My BFF and I had the whole Rocky Horror Picture Show memorized and sang it daily at Varsity

OMG! I did a Safety Dance Flash Mob in a Mall! And I've done a #Glee Flash Mob. Now there's a Safety Dance Flash Mob ON Glee! Woooo

Note to self: Yelling "Expedite the process!" at your puppy from the back door doesn't make her pee any faster

STILL can't see the telly. http://tweetphoto.com/23023267

I can't see #Glee! http://tweetphoto.com/23022918

#Glee. Am I the only one who wants to see Neil Patrick Harris and Will kiss?

#Glee quotes: "Then... I was introduced to Jesus. He was my Honduran social worker."

My doctor friend on #House: "Vicadin? Really? That's a crappy drug. There are much better ones available..."

Dramatic episode of #House trying to win Emmy is annoying. Haven't laughed once.

Nobody retweets me! I'm going to go and sit in the garden now, and eat worms

Computer Acronyms for Old People @ http://crabbyoldfart.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/computer-acronyms-for-old%c2%a0people

I know I've shared this before but indulge a proud mama http://tweetphoto.com/22955002

Note to self: Never. Delete. Anything.

iPhone shuffle just threw up A Tender Moment by Billy Joel. Never knew this song existed. It's sweet.

Ex-ca-hu-hu-hu-huse ME, Seattle weather! I had AN OUTFIT PLANNED for today. WTF with this rain?

My Barista on being single in Seattle: "Craigslist Close Encounters? Yeah, OF THE THIRD KIND"

"When do U evacuate yr bowels?" "When I have to." "I'm sorry I don't rent to hippies." Sheldon showing Leonard the apartment. #Big Bang Theory

How prostitutes are made early. http://tweetphoto.com/22898666

God save me from Lycra clad suburbanite WASPS http://tweetphoto.com/22898556

The best hand drier in the multiverse http://tweetphoto.com/22898492

"Thor, could you give this lady a tour of the vending machines?" "Of course. They're lovely this time of year. The Skittles are in bloom." #Nurse Jackie

"We're all Arizonans now!" Sarah Palin. Hope you're carrying your papers then, Sarah

"It is Gods finger which wrote the Constitution!" Glenn Beck. I could counter with something about giving U the finger but I can't be arsed

FBear on Sarah Palin: "She's like a high pitched version of the teacher from Charlie Brown."

My gay friends can't put their childbirth on Mummy 2's health insurance because they aren't recognized as a couple. Pisses me off

It's 10:30 and I am eating my lunch sandwich. Yep, it's gonna be a three latte kinda day...

Dear BP: Now that you're not using the Top Hat, could you fly it to Iceland and drop it over the volcano?

There's no way Barney is a guy. Look at those hips for chrissake!

Dear Pale Skinny Jogger Dude: Put your shirt on. It's not that hot, and neither are you

Women are angels. Take our wings and we still fly... On broomsticks. We're flexible that way.

My week in tweets - 16 May 2010

http://twitter.com/ittybittycrazy

Dear Pale Skinny Jogger Dude: Put your shirt on. It's not that hot, and neither are you

Women are angels. Take our wings and we still fly... On broomsticks. We're flexible that way.

They were watching a movie. Her: You don't get storms like that in London. Him: You do... in movies

If you put a box of 12 chocolate donuts in front of me right now, I'd eat them all

Kurt's Dad: "Look, I don't know what that song was about, but fine don't sing like you just sung." Glee

Sue Sylvester: "I checked out of this conversation about a minute ago so good luck with your troubles and I'm gonna remember never to stop and talk to students again because this has been a colossal waste of my time."  Glee

Seriously, do cheerleaders in the US really walk around school in their skimpy uniforms? In the UK that would just make you lame

Dentist didn't numb me enough today. While getting a new crown I felt like the princess who slept on the pea

Marshall: "Goodbye" Mary: "You owe me $9 from lunch last week, so don't get shot."  In Plain Sight

You can't choose your family. You have some choice over yr Facebook friends. But yr tweeps are ALL people you choose to like

Overheard: So... Tell me about you... Where are you from?#flirtingatwork

Tell me what I'm being measured on, and I'll tell you what I'll do#workplacerealities

This meeting would be a lot more interesting if the window washer swinging back and forth outside took his shirt off #meetingmadness

Whiteboarding duel in progress! #meetingmadness

Met 13 month old baby whose parents have taught her basic sign language. Babies can communicate that way B4 they can speak. Fascinating

Fluffy Bear, wanting to describe a guy on TV as superhuman, just called him an "ubermunch" :-)

Shit. I am staring at a blank screen with "140" in the corner with nothing funny to write. Tweeter's block!

Ittybittycrazy is particularly proud that she bought a shirt for a gay friend's birthday present and he liked it! My taste was good enough for a gay guy!

Him: Was that Guy Pierce? Wow, he's not trading off his looks anymore. Her: Yes, unfortunately...

Dear loud, sneezing, snorting and laughing lady two cubes over: I am going to chop you up and feed you to my dogs. That is all.

Have to attend a political Benefit tonight. Sigh. It's of no bloody benefit to me.

If I am with a man who's had an erection for 4 hours, there is no WAY I'm letting him seek medical help

Me: These flowers in everyone's yards are so pretty. I love Spring. FBear: Yes, it's all very Pandora. Me: You just ruined it!

I am dreaming my dog is made of Baby Ruths and I can take huge bites and his bits grow back and I can eat more the next day

Nothing can match the righteous indignation of a hormonally-fuelled teenage boy.

The dogs have been play fighting all day and are covered in each others' spit. They are literally slimeballs

Happy Town (ABC) is the new Twin Peaks. Except I miss Kyle McLaughlan

1 in 5 relationships now begins on an online dating site. I met Fluffy Bear in a chat room in 1998. Yep, we're early adopters

"Hey, I shot people I like more for less." Marshall R Gibbons, Justified, FX Channel

Bought a blouse even though we are poor as churchmice. On sale! It's not about what I spent, people! It's about what I SAVED!

"I know I don't seem like a warm and understanding guy, but this is my warm and understanding face." The Good Wife

"For God's sake, Wilson! You really do span the chasm from wishy to washy." House

iPod shuffle can really wake you up. Sade followed by a Bollywood groove! Hey Brain! SURPRISE!

Sigh. Woke up tired again this morning. The espresso machine at the office BETTER be working today or SOMEONE is going down! Grrrr

Our two dogs are literally chewing two ends of the same bone and growling at each other

If Kagan gets confirmed that will take the historical % of men on the Supreme Court from 97% to 96%.

Amazing what the bus can pull up next to and improve your day http://tweetphoto.com/21883232

Oh, bollocks! I've suddenly become one of those people who desperately wants a Twitter Celebrity to retweet them

Bedtime. To sleep, perchance to dream... Of calorie free donuts, good hair days & my boss actually managing to see what I'm capable of

I need some retail therapy. Sadly, my wallet will not comply.