AWE. SOME. - All I want for Christmas

   

   

   

   

   

   

 

I don't want this for myself.  I want to buy it for Fluffy Bear.

 

But I can't.

 

For one thing, I've already bought him 4 Christmas presents and I am up to the budget we set for Christmas.

  

DAMMIT!

  

  

http://www.onepiece.co.uk/store.php?cPath=136

Did I say that out loud? - Thanksgiving

 

Today was the first day back at work after the Thanksgiving holiday.

As is always the case with these things, everyone I saw asked the same question: 

"How was your Thanksgiving?"

Eventually, I began to get a bit sick of it.  My tolerance of the question went through four phases:

1) Participation - acknowledge and share some tidbit of your life.

"My Thanksgiving was great, Thanks!  We had a fun day with amazing pumpkin pie and cherry pie!"

2) Deflection - make it about them.

"My Thanksgiving was great, Thanks!  How was yours?"

3) Attrition  - create some friction.

"Thanksgiving was fascinating.  I am amazed at how you Americans can take an innocent vegetable and turn it into a killer by turning it into a dish that can cause a heart attack."

4) Aggression!

"Well I was thankful that y'all didn't kill of all the native Americans, so at least we can have casinos."

To read more of the Did I Say That Out Loud? series, click the category link on the left.

Quote Unquote - Fran Liebowitz

 

 

Audience member: "What's the best source for unbiased news?"

 

Anne: "Here's the problem.  Here's what news used to be: information.  That's what news is.

 

Now every article in the New York Times - no matter what it is - it starts with, like: 'On a rocky road in Afghanistan...'  

It's, like, three paragraphs till you get to 'a bomb blew up in Afghanistan.'  The bomb is the news.  The beginning is the writing. 

 

Facts are what's important in news.  But no-one's interested in facts anymore.  People are interested - and this I find astonishing - they're interested in other people's opinions.  

 

So, unbiased news, I don't think we'll have [it] anymore, because no-one seems to know what news is.

 

They turn on the news and they watch people give their opinions.  That's what they see on the news, that's what they see on the TV, that's what they see on the internet, that's what they participate in.

 

Here's how I feel when someone on CNN says 'And here's our twitter number' or whatever - I'm not really up on technology - 'We wanna hear what you think.'

 

And I think: Really?  I don't."

 

 

 

"The media has replaced every institution.  It's the only authority.  I mean, it seems to be an authority.  It's replaced all other institutions.

 

When they first invented TV, people thought TV would be a failure.  They thought that, if people could see around they screen, they wouldn't be absorbed by it, because they would be distracted.  

 

They would see, like, the lamp and the sofa and they wouldn't be absorbed by it.

 

...

 

But no-one could have imagined what really happened, which is that the world went inside the television and became the world."

 

   

From: Public Speaking (2010) Documentary about Fran Liebowitz made by Martin Scorsese.

   

  

  

To read more in the Quote Unquote series, click the category link on the left.

  

  

 

Update on Sunday, November 28, 2010 at 5:34PM by Ittybittycrazy

ABC World News Sunday, November 28th topics:

• Wikileaks scandal
  • Interview with the reporters about the topic
• US and South Korea starting war games
• Voting in Haiti
• Bomb attempt in Portland, Oregon
• President Obama going to sit down with Republican's this week + current Lame Duck session
  • Interview with Snr Washington Editor about the Lame Duck session who told us how the Republicans and Democrats "feel" right now
• American Holiday sales
• Struggling US home owners scammed
• Alcohol in whipped cream - Whipped Lightning
• Couple in Pennsylvania hid the existence of their 5 children
• Dr Jim treating the homeless in Pittsburgh

So ABC World News has exactly three items of news to do with outside the US.

BBC News website front page:

• Wikileaks
• Irish bailout agreed
• China calls for Korean talks
• Brazil forces take over Rio slum
• US Mosque ablaze after bomb plot
• Candidates denounce Haiti voting fraud
• Swiss pass foreign convict vote
• Egypt votes
• Ivory Coast votes
• Arrests before Bangladesh strike
• Cosmos has pre-Big Bang marks
• Train wreck in Colorado

He Said She Said - Dog Day Afternoon

  

  

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

"How was your day?" she asked, getting into the car.

 

"Good," he replied.  "I got some stuff done."

 

"How are the babies?" she asked.

 

"They're fine," he said.  "I walked Puppy Dog to the coffee shop and I walked Puppy Girl into town to take back the DVDs."

 

"Awesome!" she said.  "What did they do the rest of the day?"

 

"Honey," he said, "you worked from home this week, you saw what they're like.  They did some lounging, some loafing and then some slobbing about.  

 

"Puppy Dog moved from his cushion in my office to his cushion in front of the TV, and then he sat at the front door for a bit and growled at anyone who had the cheek to be out on our block.  

 

"Puppy Girl lay on the couch and, when she got sick of that, she went and lay on our bed and, when she got sick of that, she moved back to the couch again.

 

"They had a very busy day," he finished, as her giggles burst into full blown laughter.

 

To see more in the He Said She Said series, click the categories link on the left.

 

 

I am Woman - Hear me Whine

 

I haven't been blogging much lately.  I haven't felt like it.  I haven't felt like much of anything.  It's time to say it - I'm middle aged.  

And... HORROR OF HORRORS!  I think I might be going through THE CHANGE.

It's early, and it's not full-on, which makes me think I am peri-menopausal rather than menopausal.  Apparently you can get lower grade menopause symptoms for years before you actually have the climb the big mountain.

Oh, joy.

Some nights I sweat, I am horribly moody and, worst of all, my skin is exploding with deep, sore, scarring pimples.  It's like being 14 again, except nobody's given me my virginity back, I'm not surrounded by tight-butted teenage boys and I don't have my whole life ahead of me.

So what's good or funny or noteworthy about this?  Why am I blogging about it?

I have no fucking idea.

Having conversations with female colleagues about where to buy cheap, breathable pillows isn't fun.  Constantly having to wash my PJs isn't fun.  Slathering foundation with a trowel on my face to hide yet another angry, red protrusion isn't fun.  

I think I'd feel better if I was rich.  If I was rich I could say "Fuck you, 22 year olds!  You can barely afford to eat baked beans on toast.  I raise my toast smothered in pate, my glass of Bollinger and I say... Fuck you!"

But, sadly, I have yet to win the lottery, so there is no Bolly, although we do occasionally have pate.

Go see a doctor?  Sure, I'll go see a doctor.  If you pay for it.

The last time I ordered a 90 day supply of three of my regular medicines, it cost me $268, so adding more pills to the bill sounds like a fine idea.  Oh, and did I mention there's cancer in my family?  I don't want to jump on the good ship HRT quite yet.

Naturopath?  I'd love to.  I'll just not put gas in the car this month, and then we'll be able to afford that, too.  And don't get all huffy with me about the car, vegan hippies!  Public transport isn't free either!

No.

What I really need is for you to start a fight with me.

Let me thrown an uppercut to bonk you under the chin, a sideswipe to connect with your left eye and a swift kick to crush your left testicle.  Let me watch you slowly go down, roll you on your side with my left foot and then kick you repeatedly in the kidneys with my right.  I want to hear the air expelled from your lungs at force, softening your screams to a barely audible moan.  I want to lift your head up by your hair and smash your nose into the tarmac.  I want to lift your head again and spit in your face.  I want to steeple my fingers, bringing my hands together, swing my arms above my head and, grunting with pleasure, slam my double fist into your ribs and smile as I hear one crack.  I want to grab a baseball bat and swing it round in the air three times before, completing a perfect arc, I let it crash into your shin.  As you double over and reach to grab your knee, drawing your injured leg up, I want to slowly place my shoe on your toes, increasing the pressure and twisting your foot, then transfer my weight forward all at once, forever destroying your ankle.

I want to hear you cry, hear you beg, hear you finally stop making any sound at all because you simply can't.

And then I want to walk away leaving you there, broken.

And this is when your real job starts.  

You have to get away, you have to magically heal, and you have to come back tomorrow and let me do it all over again.

You heard me, Life.

Bring it!

To read more in the I am Woman series, click the category link on the left.

He Said She Said - Dog TV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you coming?" he called, from halfway down the block.

 

"Hang on," she called back.  "He's sniffing.  I think that, for dogs, this is their TV!"

 

"TV?" he asked, after she had caught up.  "That makes sense."

 

"Yup," she said, as they reached a fire hydrant and the dogs sniffed it thoroughly, "TV.  What do you think this episode is?" 

  

"It's a soap opera," he said.

 

"Aaah.  Right.  It has a big cast.  There's the Chihuahua-cross-Alsatian, product of forbidden love, repeating her mother's mistakes by laying down her scent for the dogs of the neighborhood."

 

"Then there's the old dog," he said, looking down at Puppy Dog lifting his leg to leave his mark on the hydrant.  "He was powerful once, but there's room for some young consigliere to rise up and control the gang now."

 

"Ooooh!" she said.  "There'll be snarling and growling when that happens!"

 

"Yeah," he said.  "And that poodle?  He's gonna make her his bitch!"

 

"I think we may need help," she laughed.

 

"That ship has sailed, Honey," he said, and they set off for home again.

 

To see more in the He Said She Said series, click the category link on the left.

  

  

Being a Doggy Mama - Sing Song

Here is a song I sing to my dog, to the tune of Sunrise, Sunset.

Where is the little pup I carried?
Where is the little pup at play?
Why do you keep on getting bigger
Day by day?

Where is your little pinky tummy?
Where are your sweet pirahna teeth?
Why do you suddenly weigh sixty
pounds good grief?

Where's my
Pup-py
Where's my
Pup-py
All that's left is soft ears
Somebody bring me back my puppy
Bring back my little baby girl

To see more in the Being a Doggy Mama series, click here.

He Said She Said - Snippets

 

Arabiatta sauce

"I tried to make an Arabiatta sauce," he said, "but I may have put in too much chili."

"Is it an OW-rabiatta sauce?" she asked.

"Oh HA HA HA." he said.

Kitchen duty

"Can you finish up cleaning the kitchen?" she asked, walking through the dining room with an armful of clean washing.

"I put the dishwasher on this morning, you know," he said, looking up from his iPad in his comfortable spot on the couch.

"I'm so sorry," she said, "I'm currently out of gold medals but, as soon as my new stock comes in, I'll be sure to award you one."

"Was that sarcasm?" he asked.

"SARCASM?  WHERE?  WHERE?" she yelled, as she looked behind her in an exaggerated fashion, threw all the washing onto the dining room table, and then ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

"Let me know when it's safe to come out!" she called.

"Oh, very funny," he said, getting up to go and clean the kitchen.

To see more in the He Said She Said series, click here.

Jeers, Jests and Japes

 

Walk up to a pregnant woman, hold both hands, palms spread out, in front of her belly and, in your best gravelly-voice-of-doom, say:

"It's not whaaaaat you theeeeeenk it issssssss!"

Then walk away, whispering:

"Evil! Eeeeeeeevil!"

For more in the Jeers, Jests and Japes series, click the categories link on the left.

Bookworm - The Sociopath Next Door

 

 

 

 

  

  

I am currently reading The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

  

Martha is a clinical psychologist who has, among other things, treated the victims of sociopaths.  

 

Her book talks about how we encounter sociopaths in every day life - not the serial killers and rapists, but the person who we fall in love with and marry, only to find that they have no real emotional attachment to us; instead they are enjoying a free ticket to not have to work and enjoying our nice big house, thank you very much.

  

I completely agree with the author that any psychological disorder/disease/condition exists on a sliding scale.  What we see in the media and portrayed by Hollywood is the most extreme example of the sociopath phenomenon, but there are many people who function - to some greater or lesser degree of efficacy - in society with schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder or paranoia or OCD or whatever.  Just like Aspergers lies somewhere on the scale to autism.  We just haven't given the half way house for the other disorders their own names.

  

But here is where I fundamentally differ from her position. 

Sociopaths are not, as she portrays them, all villains.  They are simply a type of person and, after all, they can't help it.  Condemning sociopaths for what they are is the same as condemning a gay person, or even a black person.

 

Sociopaths evolved, like the rest of us, for a very good reason.  They are hunters and warriors.  

 

 

 

Predators

 

I figured this out because we watched the movie Predators last night.  

 

In it, the character played by Adrian Brody shows all the characteristics of a classic sociopath.  For example, he deliberately leads the rag tag group of people into a place where the Predators will attack them, so that he can see what they are up against.  One of the group is killed but, from that, Brody learns that the hunters have a cloaking device, that they use laser based weapons, etc.  The others in the group are shocked and horrified that he led them into danger this way, and that he has little remorse that one of their number got killed, but Brody has acted in a strategic way.  He has done what he needed to do for survival.  He has learned more about his enemy.  Perhaps he was thinking only of his own survival but, at the end of the day, his actions benefit the whole group.

     

Thinking this way is necessary - in fact, it's essential - to survival in combat and hunting situations.  Back when we were tribes, the hunters would go out for days on missions to catch prey.  In that time they were in dangers from large cats, boars, bears, whatever.  I am sure that a sociopath led the group, and led them through a successful hunt.

    

The same is true of war.  From tribes fighting each other in Africa centuries ago to NATO troops chasing an insurgent through the streets of Fallujah, an absence of affect and an ability to think and behave completely strategically is the difference between life and death.

  

The problem is that, outside of a war situation, sociopaths are anachronisms.  It is when they try to fit into polite society, where hunting has been replaced by a trip to Safeway, and combat is now a boardroom war of words, that they become outcasts.    

 

They have a certain way of thinking, of operating, and it's different to how most of us do.  But the same is true of the deaf, the blind, the schizophrenic.  

  

Surely we should find some place for psycho/sociopaths in society?  Aspergers kids get all sorts of therapy and care, why shouldn't they?

 

 

 

The love issue

  

Dr Stout says that sociopaths are dangerous because have no emotional affect and claims this is the prerequisite for being able to love.

 

I have two issues with this.

   

First, what is love?

  

Do you know what it is, because I sure as fuck don't.  It has been mapped as activity that takes place in a certain part of the brain, but I highly doubt that we all experience it in the same way.  

  

Stout says that 1 in 25 Americans is a sociopath, yet she describes them as wreaking havoc on the lives of other wherever they roam.  Seeing as there are that many of them, somewhere out there, there has to be a person who would be diagnosed as a sociopath who is functioning as best they can, protecting those in their lives.  

  

If a psycho/sociopath functions in society and does the best that he can to look after his family, is that love?

  

Second, shouldn't we feel sorry for sociopaths?

 

Imagine living in a world where almost every song, every movie, every poem is about something you don't understand?  Everywhere you go people are laughing, connecting, bonding, and you can't feel what they feel.  

 

Wouldn't that be awful?

 

 

 

We need to change our approach

 

Dr Stout makes the point that sociopaths who grow up in Eastern societies, where the good of all and the interconnectedness of all things is emphasized in the culture, are able to function better.  Although they don't feel connections, they learn that connections exist and therefore how to act accordingly.  

 

Can't we turn this into some kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for sociopaths?

 

And why isn't someone working on a drug?

 

We are ignoring an opportunity to treat people and not only mitigate against them potentially becoming a problem in society (and, by the way, a cost, if they have to be incarcerated) but also help them to feel more a part of our world?

 

Wouldn't that be the ethical thing to do?

 

 

 

The one line review

 

Dr Stout's book was informative but, mostly, it's one-dimensionality just pissed me off.  

 

 

 

 

Jeers, Jests and Japes - Elevator

  

Get into a crowded elevator, stand near the door.

After the elevator starts to move, turn around to face the occupants and say:

"You're probably wondering why I called this meeting.

I'm afraid it's bad news. We have to let some of you go."

To see more in the Jeers, Jests and Japes series, click the link on the left