Pic - Naughty puppy

Lookit that face!

Pic - Dawgeez

Heh

That's Life - DMV delights



I just had the most amazing experience.

I went to renew my Driver’s license, fully anticipating a rigmarole wrapped in bureaucracy and frosted with frustration.

Instead, the place was practically empty, with my number called while the annoying little ticket was still scrolling out of the machine.

At the counter, a lovely lady asked me where I was from and it was all fun and games from there. 

“I’d love to go to South Africa someday,” she said.

“You’d love it,”  I replied.  “There’s nothing quite like a safari.  It’s amazing.”

“Well, who has time to travel, these days?”

“I know.  You have to wait for retirement.  It’s crazy.  In the UK I got five weeks vacation a year, and that’s just standard.  Two weeks drives me nuts.”

“Well, I have more than two weeks, because I’ve worked here 15 years.”

“Wow,” I said, thinking that I would have committed Hare Kiri by now.

“I’ve been to Australia.  We were away 6 weeks.”

“Wow.  I’ve always wanted to go there.  But, then again, of all the countries in the world, Australia has the most things that want to kill you.  I mean, South Africa is bad with some snakes and stuff, but Australia’s bugs and reptiles are really scary.  I wouldn’t hike there.”

“Well, I’m not the hiking type—“

“Me neither!”

“—but they do tell you to get all your driving done during the day.  The people who drive trucks – or lorries as you call them – they have these special things on the front.  They look like this – ” Up to this point she had been working on the computer while she talked, but now she started drawing on a piece of paper.  At this point I got a little nervous, thinking the dodgy guy with the baggy jeans and the baseball cap pulled down over his eyes who was still waiting his turn might not appreciate this lady chatting with me. 

“—and they are to knock the kangaroos away.  The kangaroos are attracted by the headlights and run at the cars.  So if you have a normal car without those things, there can be a lot of damage.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.  But you know, we didn’t have problems with bugs or anything.  We saw all the animals in nature reserves.  That’s where you have to go.  We saw kangaroo and platypus and koalas…”  Thankfully, she turned back to the computer screen and started typing again.

“Oh, I’d love that!”

“Yeah.  It’s really interesting.  The koalas were in this deep area with the trees coming up to our level and down on the floor I saw these bowls of kibble and I was thinking ‘What’s that for?’  They have guard dogs.  It’s to stop people reaching over an grabbing a koala and stealing it.”

“What?”

“Yes.  Because you have to go really deep into the wild to find a koala yourself, and they are kinda cute and dopey cos of the menthol stuff they eat.  So people try to steal them.”

“Aw.  I’ve always wanted to hold a koala.”

 “Oh, honey.  Just go home and get some eucalyptus oil and hold that.  Because that’s what koala’s smell of.  OK.   Here’s your receipt.  Head down that way, and they’ll call your name.”

To read more in this series, click here.

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9 to 5 - Bossisms 1

  

 

My boss' boss is a character, and has a great way of observing and commenting on the ridiculous nature of the corporate workplace. We call his sayings "Bossisms."

 

On people in other teams who overcomplicate simple tasks:

 

"They're trying to pole vault a mouse turd here."

 

On a colleague who was trying valiantly to make the best of a bad thing:

 

"Now you're trying to put a marshmallow on a mouseturd and tell me it's rocky road."

 

Following an HR-violation comment which had conjured the idea of a somewhat rotund colleague in the nude:

 

 "Don't you wish your mind's eye had an eyelid?"

For more in this series, click here.