Depression and ECT 2

I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html
#depression
#ECT

I woke up with a sore neck and shoulder on the right side. When I got up I realized my right butt cheek felt like I had been doing one sided squats yesterday.

Apart from neck and shoulder discomfort it was a relatively OK day until I went to yoga. There was another teacher on the mat next to me and she seemed to think that, because she is also a teacher, she could do whatever she wanted, irrespective of what the whole class was doing. Not only that, but she kept sighing audibly, like a porn soundtrack.

At the end of the class I asked her if she was likely to attend class again and, when she said yes, I asked her to not sigh so loudly. She got very defensive and I tried to explain why it was distracting: "You know when you're with someone who's snoring," I said, "and you don't know when the next snore is coming, but just as things quiet down and you start to relax to go back to sleep, there comes another loud snore."

She looked at me as if I was completely certifiable.

She kept defending herself vociferously until I finally looked her right in the eye and said "I'm not trying to hurt you." She was responding as if I was attacking her personally when all I was doing was asking her not to sigh loudly if she came to class again. I opened my body language up to her and made her see that I was not trying to go to battle here, I was just making a request.

It seemed to calm her down but I have to admit that I played the confrontation over and over in my mind and berated myself for approaching her in the first place. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?

My brain began to spiral into self-recrimination, replaying the incident over and over, and pin point analysis of each thing said.

I had to take a Xanax on the way home.

Depression and ECT 1

I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

#depression
#ECT

First ECT treatment down.

The whole thing was very stressful, starting with finding that the parking garage, once you drove past all the special pick up and doctor parking, had less than 20 parking spots. Checkin at the main reception was a pain - they didn't have me in the system properly. Finally we go to the ECT checkin where I found I was the last out of the three scheduled for that hour. The woman in the intake chair opposite me was very loud, as were her two companions.

The cycle of building anxiety was broken by the intake nurse who, while explaining the process, stroked my arm. She put in an IV and I went through my intake questions (meds I'm on and when I last took them, whether I was wearing any jewelry, had I used any flammable hair products, etc.) with intake nurse 2. I didn't have to change into a gown, which was nice, and in fact none of them were wearing scrubs. It was all very casual and welcoming. I was asked to fill in a mood assessment form, which I'll have to do each time I come.

I was transferred to a waiting room from the intake area, and then finally invited into the treatment room. The psychiatrist and anesthesiologist greeted me kindly, and asked if I had any questions. The psychiatrist explained, as the treatment nurse put them on me, that the electrodes were to monitor EKG and EEG and that the blood pressure cuff on my right calf was to stop the muscle relaxant flowing into my toes, to enable them to see twitching as an indicator that I had begun seizing.

The nurse put the oxygen mask over my mouth and stroked my hair as I took deep breaths.

"It hurts!" I said as the anesthetic pumped into my vein. Both the nurse and anesthesiologist assured me that it would pass, and I could feel it softening.

And then I was waking up in the recovery room. I had a headache in my temples that was so bad that I started to cry and couldn't stop. The recovery nurse was very kind and gave me some medicine through my IV to help with the pain. When she first asked me, I rated my pain at 7/10. A few moments later it was at 4. The nurse brought me cranberry juice and, because I had had to fast prior to the treatment, offered me a muffin or banana, which I declined. I was able to get up and walk, assisted by the recovery nurse, back to the intake room.

The intake nurse explained that, now that they knew I got headaches from the treatment, they would give me medicine prophylactically to deal with that.

Fluffy Bear materialized and seeing him made me start crying again. The intake nurse stopped me as we left to reassure me that the first treatment was the worst and that it would get easier. She told me to rehydrate for the headache and that next time we would chat about the years she spent living in England.

We went to Walgreens and bought some coconut water for rehydration.

An hour or so after getting home, I felt tired and a bit slow. I had a huge amount of goop in my hair from where they had put the conductor thingies - one on the top of my head and one on the right temple. They avoid the left side of the head to try to minimize memory loss.

My Uggs must be creating static because I shocked myself and Puppy Girl when I reached for her. I decided to see the humor in being sparky.

Puppy Girl came and lay with her head on my lap, which is very unusual for her. Dogs know, don't they?