I'm jus' sayin' - Dance fever

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even as a pre-teen, I knew, when I watched music videos, that they were edited.  Snipped and spliced so that the band members dancing only ever looked uberkewl.

All the inbetween parts, where they looked like idiots, where the sweat drop fell off the end of their noise, or the wardrobe malfunctioned, ended up on the cutting room floor.

 

Now, whenever I dance, I think: "Damn! I wish there was somebody who could edit me!"

 

To read more in this series, click here.

 

 

I'm jus' sayin' - Toilet rolls

You know when toilet rolls are squished and then the middle is oval and then when you pull the paper the roll turns and goes KADONK-KADONK?

I hate that.

Jus' sayin'

For more vignettes of bullshit in this series, click here.

I'm Jus' Sayin' - CBS = Conservative Bullshit Society

 

The Super Bowl was last Sunday.  

30 second ad spots sold for around $3 million and, in theory, helped the advertisers reach the most people a TV show has ever reached: 106 million people.  

CBS, who screened the Super Bowl this year, rejected an ad from the United Church of Christ five years ago which featured a gay couple, citing that they do not allow advocacy ads.  

But, in a strange volte-face, they allowed a group called Focus on the Family to air an ad showing the mother of a famous football player talking about her lovely son.  It's not overt, but it's generally being seen as a pro-life commercial.   

Focus on the Family's website makes it pretty clear that they have a pro-life bias:

"Our mission is to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with as many people as possible by nurturing and defending the God-ordained institution of the family and promoting biblical truths worldwide."

They offer free counselling:

"Focus on the Family has Care Specialists, Referral Assistants and Counselors who are available weekdays to talk with you, provide information and encouragement, suggest resources, give referrals and pray with you."

CBS giveth with one hand, but with the other they taketh away.  

They refused to air an ad by a Gay Dating site, Mancruch, which shows two men watching the game, whose hands touch as they both reach into the chip bowl.  Suddenly, they both pause, then start to kiss.  Well - they aren't really kissing if you look closely, but that's not the point.

So, according to CBS, it's OK to take a religious stance, but it's OK to be homophobic.

Fucking ridiculous.

Seriously people!  If you want to live in a country run by the Church, go live in the Vatican.  But, out here in the real world, the Constitution offers protection under the law to ALL, and that includes homosexuals and women who want to have a choice when it comes to childbirth.

I'm jus' sayin'.

To read more I'm Jus' Sayin', click here. 

I'm jus' sayin' - Grit your teeth...

Not what you want to see coming out of the elevator on way to dentist: man with tears in his eyes pressing an ice pack to his left cheek.  

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - www.holyshitthatcantberight.com

 

I found out yesterday that someone has created a porn site that has a URL that's very similar to our intranet web address.

That's gotta be one pissed off ex-employee...

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Say it like it IS

 

When you're having brunch with two medical professionals, it probably isn't the best idea to refer to your dog's vagina as her "foo-foo."

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Befuddledypuppy

 

I know I should close the lid, but watching the puppy's befuddled little face as she tries to understand the toilet flush is just too funny.

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Upsidedowny kiss

 

When my husband leans over the back of the couch and gives me an upside down kiss, it feels kinda funny and kinda yummy all at the same time.

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' saying - MyTwitFace

 

Was Jesus the world's first social networker?

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Swine Flu

 

If you are on the toilet, blow your nose in toilet tissue, then fold it over and wipe your patootie, can you get Swine Flu?

I'm jus' sayin'...

I'm jus' sayin' - Hack! Hack! Yank! Yank!

Hacking away at ivy and then pulling the long strands off the wall while cussing up a blue storm is very, very satisfying.

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Interview

 

The interview question you don't want to hear when you've been unemployed for 6 months:

"Why haven't you been snapped up already?"

I'm jus' sayin'

I'm jus' sayin' - The nose knows

 

Picking your nose can feel really satisfying sometimes.

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' - Happy

 

I'm not sure I should be this ecstatic about getting Puppy Girl to poop in her potty place in the yard this evening.

How priorities change in life!

I'm jus' sayin'

I'm jus' sayin' - Can I get one?

 

Hey "Customer service" person, can I get one of those?  You know, that invisible leash that is holding you to the end of this aisle, so you can only point in a vague direction instead of showing me where I can find what I need?

See, here's the thing...

I'd love to be out and about, walking my dog, have people think he's out of control, then reel him in with the invisible leash, like a magician.

I'm jus' sayin'

I'm jus' sayin' - Marketing morons

 

You know what, Marketing Moron?

I'm sure the pale blue text, the picture of the puppies that takes up half the page and the mustard yellow background looked great when the art people brought it to you on glossy paper but - guess what? - that text prints out so faint that I can't READ my pet's insurance policy document, and that background and the cute puppies are a waste of my toner!

So instead of trying to make everything "synergistic," and able to "tell the story of the brand," how about you just make it so that I can print the shit I need, and read it when I need to?

So now I want you to do three things for me.

1. Read "The Nordstrom Way"
2. Print that shit out and see if YOU can read it, and 
3. Get your fucking head out of your arse!

I'm jus' sayin'

I'm jus' sayin' - You ask for it, you get it

Taking the noisemaker out of a squeaky, putting it in your mouth, running around the dining room and blowing to make high pitched noises, is going to get you smacked in the teeth with your 70 pound dog's rock-hard skull.

I'm jus' sayin'

I'm jus' sayin' - Luddites

 

How can someone who works in a large corporation, in their IT department, not have a profile on LinkedIn?

And, if you don't have a profile on LinkedIn, how am I supposed to find information about you so that I can be ready to interview with you?

And no, I don't feel comfortable looking you up on Facebook, where you ought to protect your profile, because photos of you drunk-dancing at a wedding are none of my business.

I'm jus' sayin' 

I'm jus' saying' - Adapt or die

 

Dear Hotel Manager

Charging us $51 for a mediocre breakfast for two, that didn't even include any alcohol, is why y'all ain't got no business no more.

And another thing...

If I'd known I was going to have a hand in my pocket through my stay in this hotel, I'd have walked around wearing just my bathing suit, wriggling occassionally, so that at least I could've enjoyed it a little.

I'm jus' sayin'.

I'm jus' sayin' -Turning 40

 

40th birthdays should be spent somewhere sunny, next to a pool with bar service, mildly inebriated. 

I'm jus' sayin'.