Etiquette for Grownups: Odd Girl Out

 

Yesterday I watched three episodes of the Real Housewives of New York City.  

It's a tacky reality show which follows a bunch of rich women around and shoves them into social situations where they come into conflict with each other, all under the watchful eye of the camera.

Fundamentally, these women are not friends, and they live in a world with no financial worries, no daily work routine, where social standing takes on a massive significance.  

Their world is small, they move in the same circles.  It's a lot like high school.  And they behave exactly as if it is.

They talk behind each other's backs.  They fight.  They make up.  They're friends, then not friends, then friends again.  They form alliances, cliques, pair off as BFFs.  Temporarily.

And someone is always the Odd Girl Out.

Watching the shows last night got me thinking.

How do we, as independent adults, survive the social situations that manifest themselves just like they did in High School?

So, if you find yourself in a situation where you are the Odd Girl Out, here are some rules to help you: 

Rule 1:  Don't be fooled by the Goldfish Bowl.  

Sometimes we get that feeling that everyone is watching, everyone will hear about this, everyone will be talking about us.  

Bullshit.  

Everyone is busy, everyone has things to do and, most of all, everyone has their own inner crap to deal with.  

Stop worrying about being talked about.  Even if someone does decided to express their opinion about you, at most it will be a 20 minute conversation, and then they'll move on to talking about someone else.  

Fuck it.  

And fuck them.

Rule 2: When in doubt, shut the fuck up.

Even if you're feeling left out, hurt and angry, why start an argument and become unpleasant?  If you are at a dinner or lunch or cocktail party and the other women are all getting along famously and you're not part of the inner circle, just keep quiet.  

It doesn't matter.  

It will all be over in a matter of hours and you can go and hang out with your own friends next time.  

If you don't say anything you can't fuck anything up.  Be silent and smile and listen for a change.  You might learn something.

Rule 3: Go to a happy place.

Being nice and smiling when you are being treated badly is hard, I know.  So, in your head, go to a happy place.

Maybe it's somewhere where you once had an amazing beach holiday.  Maybe it's going back, in your mind, to your last spa massage.  Maybe it's bringing up a mental image of your child when he or she was still a baby, laughing and gurgling in your arms.

Maybe it's looking at the women around you and imagining them naked... wait... I haven't finished yet... in their 90s, droopy, wrinkled, looking like hags.  Play with this, like when you were a kid putting paper clothes on a cardboard shape of a woman, folding those little tags over the shoulders and waist to make the outfit stay on.  

Add gray, frizzy, wild hair.  

Choose accessories:  Walker?  Wheelchair?  Colostomy bag?

Now, how about some behavioral quirks?  Asthmatic wheezing breath?  Parkinson's shakes?  Dementia?

See?  No matter what is happening around you, you can have fun in your head.  

Rule 4: Don't let the bitches get you down. 

Ever.

So, now you know.