That's Life - Elevator Jackass

Last night on Family Guy Peter Griffin broke his neck while doing a Jackass stunt with his buddies. So I got to thinking - what would my Jackass stunt be?

Well, obviously, I wouldn't want to actually injure myself. And I am not interested in being outside in the snow and rain. And I don't want to inconvenience myself in any way so, really, this has to be done in the normal course of my life. At home, no one would see the stunt. So it has to be at work. In front of strangers. So what better than an elevator prank?

So here they are - things I'd love to have the guts to say in the elevator. Some of them need help from a friend. Feel free to add your own in the comments section:

• Oh my God! Who farted?
• [Hold door open when you get in] Hang on, is the meeting on 20? [Press button for 20th floor]. No, hang on, I think she said it was on 23. [Press button for 23rd floor] Oh no, wait! She's coming to my desk! [Get out of elevator and run]
• [Jackass 1] "I can't believe he won't take responsibility for the baby!" [Jackass 2] "Honey, the baby come out of you and it's a different race!"
• [Mutter] I don't think I can take this. I can't take this. I can't. Closed space. ACK! [Start hyperventilating] I'm going to throw up! I'm going to throw up!
• [Sing and dance to I'm coming up] I'm going up! I want the world to know! To my meeting I go! Do-doop! Do-doop! I'm going up! An elevator ride with strangers by my side! Do-doop! Do-doop!
• Do sportscaster commentary on everyone with you in the elevator e.g. "And a man in a blue shirt is getting in. Looks like he could be a contender! Is this the day for him, Bill? Only time will tell!"
• [When it is just you and another person in the elevator]. "OK, dude, this is it. Elevator deathmatch... [put up your fists]... No biting or hitting the crotch area, but kicking, punching, slapping and twisting ears are all ok. Ready? ARE YOU RRRREADY?"