Right, children! Sit up nicely, hands on desks, chin up, shoulders back.
Here we go...
Lesson No. 1
Say "New."
NEW.
Good. Now say "Clear."
CLEAR.
Right. Now say it like you are being rude and making fun of a Southerner. "Klee-ah."
KLEE-AH.
Good. Now put it all together with the emphasis on "New". "New-klee-ah"
NEW-KLEE-AH. NEW-KLEE-AH. NEW-KLEE-AH.
That's correct! Not "Nucular" but "Nuclear!"
Well done!
Lesson No. 2
Say "Norm," like our favorite character in Cheers.
NORM.
Good. Now say "Al" like our favorite Earth Warrior, Al Gore.
AL.
Right. Now say "Itty" like your favorite bitch, Ittybittycrazy.
ITTY.
Good. Now put it all together with the emphasis on "Al". "Norm-al-itty."
NORM-AL-ITTY. NORM-AL-ITTY. NORM-AL-ITTY.
That's correct! Not "Normalcy" but "Normality!"
Well done!
Lesson No. 3
Say "Herbert," like your uncle Herbert.
HERBERT.
Good. Now say "Herbie" like our favourite racing VW Bug.
HERBIE.
Right. Now say "Herb" like you're all grown up and can address your uncle by a nickname without seeming cheeky.
HERB.
That's right! Not "Erb" but "Herb."
Now let's use it in a sentence. "Cilantro is a Herb."
CILANTRO IS A HERB. CILANTRO IS A HERB. CILANTRO IS A HERB.
(Well, actually, it's Coriander, but let's not split hairs.)
Well done!
That concludes our lesson for today.
Keep trying it out at home, children. Practise makes perfect!
Ittybittycrazy