These are my first impressions of the Eurovision Song Contest entries. This is in reply to Everywhereventually’s posts, which you can find here.
For more on what Eurovision is, click here.
MOLDOVA
EIGHTIES FLASHBACK!
This is like Adam Ant meets Madness meets Debbie Harry meets Spandau - except their love child turned out a little retarded.
Not sure if I like it or not.
RUSSIA
My computer refused to stream the YouTube of this song... bad sign straight away.
Yawn.
...
Did he just say "Lord of Mercy?"
...
Yawn
OK. Enough.
My verdict: Crapsticks, deep fried.
ESTONIA
Does this lead singer have Tourettes? Epilepsy?
Why does he keep lifting his mic to his left ear?
OK, Sweetheart, don't dance.
He needs some MAJOR stage presence coaching. From someone who isn't high.
This song will be good if and when someone does a dance remix.
For now, not good enough.
SLOVAKIA
This lady dresses funny.
Is this another Dum Tek Tek?
Then again, I found myself turning the volume up.
Ah perfect Eurovision fodder - a dancey beat for rhythm and a little ethnic sound overlay for some supposed credibility.
Still, it doesn't stand out.
FINLAND
Well, this should be fun. Those crazy Fins usually are.
Oh dear, they're going the blonde in a ballgown route.
Ethnic Abba meets celtic fusion!
Oh shame. the men singers are too ugly to be allowed up front. Oh but look, they get to dance in that Russianey kicking way.
It's all Agnetha and Anna.
I feel like I'm at a Greek restaurant and there's a wedding party in the back.
Whatever
LATVIA
Oh boy, another song with God in it. He gets everywhere, that bugger.
"Why are the skies so blue and mountains high?"
"I asked my Uncle Joe but he can't speak"
The singer really is a dumb blonde, then.
Ah an accordionist and women washing clothes in bowls. How ethnic.
Chorus: "What for how we living what for how we crying what for how we losing only Mr God knows why."
Well, I just had a revelation in bad grammar.
To read more in the Divided by a Common Language series, click here.