I am really happy living in the US of A, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things here that irritate the living shit outta me.
And one of those things is the devaluing of the special over here.
Clap Clap Woo Woo
Holy Mother of the Christ, people clap their hands for ANYTHING here!
I was at a Flash Mob dance rehearsal a few months ago and every time the dance teachers showed us a few steps everyone would applaud and yell "Woooooo!"
Then, after we learned a few steps, they'd put the music on and we'd dance. After getting 12 steps correct in sequence, everyone would applaud and yell "Woooooo!"
What the FUCK?
Why do we have to clap all the time?
We are at a TWO HOUR DANCE REHEARSAL, people! Conserve your energy!
At our monthly meetings at work, people who have won awards are called out. Everyone claps when their name is read out, everyone claps as they come up to the stage, everyone claps when they get their handshake. And this for up to ten people.
Read ALL the names out, get them all up at once and let's clap once!
Applause is a sign of appreciation, admiration, respect. Making a sound like "Wooooo!" is a sign of excitement, of real enthusiasm.
Why devalue it?
You want me to clap, earn it, or my hands stay right by my side. I am not a fucking trained seal.
Everybody UP!
Everyone here gets a standing ovation.
No acting is too lame, no singing is too offkey, no dancing too out-of-time to not warrant everyone jumping up like the spawn of a synchronized swim team and a colony of prairie dogs.
If you get a standing ovation in a London theater, it means one of two things: you did an incredible job, or the audience is loaded with American tourists.
If locals have packed the seats that night, the only way you're getting them to stand is to do something exceptional.
So if you want me to stand up, earn it, or I'm keeping my fat ass right where it is. I am not a fucking jack-in-the-box.
Say what?
Words are completely devalued in the USA.
Everything is "awesome."
Some dive next to the old highway claims to offer "Fine Dining."
And, worst of all, everyone "loves" everyone else.
The most important word in the world gets bandied about like it's a box of matches...
As Shannon Osbourne leaves the Boardroom in Celebrity Apprentice, she and Holly exchange "I love yous" as if they are going to be BFFs for life.
Love is not something that is found every day in every situation. It takes time and work and patience and kindness and all those things that they talk about in that Bible reading you have to sit through at every fucking wedding you go to.
If you use the most extreme words for everything, what vocabulary do you have left to describe something that is truly amazing, a restaurant experience that is silver service or a feeling that is true and deep and meaningful?
Or is the average person's life here so bland that these mediocre things inspire awe and are, therefore, truly awesome?
If the latter is true, how sad, and how utterly tedious.
Words are important.
Save them, treasure them, look after them.
So if you want me to describe what you did as incredible, earn it, or I will choose words that match the few notches above mediocrity that your deeds deserve. I am not a fucking cheerleader.
To see more Divided by a Common Language, click here.