Quote Unquote - The Silver Lining

Bill to me:

"You can find the cloud in any silver lining."

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We were watching an episode of Castle and the key characters were playing poker. Beckett, the female lead, had an ace and a king. Which prompted this little nugget from Fluffy Bear:

"You know what an ace and a king hand is called in Poker? An Anna Kournikova. Wanna know why? Looks great, wins nothing."

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Nuggets from Carrie Fisher:

"Celebrity is often just Obscurity biding it's time."

Quoting her grandmother:

"A fly is just as likely to land on shit as on pie."

"Go ahead and cry! You'll pee less!"

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"You so dumb you think Roe v. Wade are two ways to cross a river."

John Stewart, The Daily Show

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To be fair, this is probably a misquote, but it's the best I can do from memory.

I was flicking through the channels and ended up in the middle of an episode of Wife Swap.

In this show, wives from very different families swap over for a week or two. For the first part of the stay with their guest family, they abide by the rules of the lady of the house. For the second part, they can impose their own rules.

To make it "good" TV, the producers tend to choose very different families for the swaps. In this episode, a very hippy dippy family had swapped wives with a down-home cowboy family.
When I turned to the channel, Hippy Mama was telling her host family her new rules, and was addressing the Cowboy Dad, who was slouching on the couch sporting blue jeans, a Southern drawl and - of course! - a cowboy hat.

Hippy Mama explained that her husband walks around the house in a sarong and, now that the family had to follow her rules, the Cowboy Dad would do the same. And this is how she justified it:

"You need to feel the breeze of inspiration blow accross your loins."

He said something rude, stood up and walked out.

You gotta love dat trash TV!

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For obvious reasons, the source of this quote is anonymous.

"My father went on a date with a woman who turned out to be a
grifter and got arrested in front of him."

Quote Unquote - Drinking the Kool Aid

Fluffy Bear to me, after I defended one of my company's products:

"Do they give you your own straw for the Kool Aid?"

Quote Unquote - Dowry

Dinner party conversation (clearly post-alcohol consumption).

Person I don't know but want to meet:

"I don't get this foreskin thing. I keep finding things down there. Bits of string... buttons..."

Bill:

"Bitch, that's your dowry!"

Quote Unquote - Cream

"We don't want cream on top of manure. We want cream on
top of apple pie."

Trainer in online Project Management workshop.

Quote Unquote - Flushing meds

I told Bill the story of Puppy Dog being high while we were on vacation because I gave him a Vicadin by mistake. I told him all about calling the Vet and how Puppy Dog was totally manic and running up and down the hills and how worried I'd been and he said:

"You wasted a Vicadin on the dog?!?!?"

Quote Unquote - The Decider

A Senior Exec that Fluffy Bear knows well was yelling at one of his underlings... let's call the employee Bob.

" We're all on this bus together, Bob. But you have to understand, I am the bus driver. I decide where the bus goes. And if you don't like where we're going, get off the bus."

True story.

Quote Unquote - The Ruck

Rugby Commentator speaking about a ruck (where they all pile on top of each other, on top of the bal) in the final of the 6 Nations Rugby tournament:

"It's just a cocktail of hands down there!"

Hmmm.... indeed.

Quote Unquote - Prince Phillip

Prince Phillip, the Queen's husband, is known for his gaffes, and today was no exception.

They were discussing jet lag...

Queen to Obama: "You had to go to breakfast?"

Obama: "I had breakfast with the Prime Minister, I had meetings with the Chinese, the Russians, David Cameron. And I am proud to say I did not nod off in any of the meetings."

Prince Philip, laughing:  "Can you tell the difference between them?"

Michelle got her own back, probably unwittingly, by breaking protocol and putting her arm around the Queen.

One does not touch the Queen....

Oy vey....

Quote Unquote - BBC humor

"It's a kind of Oscar night for world leaders, and there's no doubt who the biggest star is.

Every overseas leader wanted to be the first to welcome President Obama to their country. The prize, though, went to Gordon Brown.

And, auditioning for the part of [G20] Summit Villain, arriving late, and having threatened to walk out, is France's Nicholas Sarkozy.

12 Presidents, 11 Prime Minsters and a King sat down to their pre-Summit dinner tonight. Never before have so many leaders of so many countries from so many continents come to London. Never before has the problem on their menu been greater.

Earlier, the President of the United States came to call. Who else would have a limousine that big or a cavalcade so long that it can't fit into Downing Street?"

 

BBC America World News

 

By the way, a friend of mine on Facebook commented on the G20 Summit today. And one of their friends replied "What's G20?"

Watch the fucking news, Moron.

Quote Unquote - Sci Fi

"(Sigh...) The annual Quahog Star Trek convention. Where once a year sci fi buffs can take their lips off the barrel of a loaded gun and spend half a day adjusting their eyes to sunlight."

Brian Griffin, Family Guy

Quote Unquote - Problem?

"First World problem"

What my friend H tells people when they blab on about a minor issue that would only be considered a real problem in the first world, like bitching about your admin not booking exactly the travel plan you wanted.

Quote Unquote - Gift from the heart

"A few years ago I bought my wife a rifle for her birthday. That year, for my birthday, I got a sewing machine."

Guy at work

Quote Unquote - Support

"There's support - and then there's encouragement."

(Bill... About us attending an amateur theatre play and then walking out at interval and feeing guilty about not supporting the arts more)

Quote Unquote - Fire me

"You can fire me but, Bitch, don't think you can take me."

Eliza Dushku, Dollhouse TV Series.

Quote Unquote - The Rules

"My buddies and I back in ________ had a rule. You don't date any woman who wears underwear that's bigger than yours."

Some guy calling in to a talk radio show.