WELCOME!
This web is where I weave my wacky.
Enjoy.
I write about all sorts of things. To see a specific category,
click a link on the left or the tag at the bottom of a post.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:14PM 
Comments from my cousin's fellow students, at a University somewhere in one of the square states:
"Who's Nelson Mandela?"
"You're from Africa? But, you're white!"
"How come you're from Africa and you speak such good English?"
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 9:44PM 
"My son is so skinny he's envious of a stiff wind."
Colleague, perhaps mis-using a common idiom
Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 2:51PM 
An audience member of the Graham Norton Show on BBC America, telling a story:
"We were invited to meet the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, my son and I. My son is blind, so the Queen asked him how much of his sight, if any, he had left. And the Duke of Edinburgh said 'Not much, judging by his tie!' "
Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 2:16PM 
"If you pray and don't get an answer, that's God tellin' yo' ass NO."
50 Cent on the Graham Norton Show, BBC America
Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 6:18PM 
New Guy: "Are you being sarcastic? Because I'm Canadian and we don't get it. We don't have as big a Jewish population as you do."
Thirty Rock
Monday, November 30, 2009 at 3:34PM 
"Dear Ayn Rand: What if I want to be altruistic for my own selfish reasons?"
My friend, Al
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 10:00AM 
"Oh my God! You're watching The View! YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK!"
Fluffy Bear
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 8:36PM
Except from "By the People - The Election of Barack Obama"
January 2, 2008. Night before the Iowa Caucus.
Barack: "Michelle and I had a really interesting conversation and she said, uh, 'We're not doing this again.'
And at first I thought she just meant - well, you know what? - I'm never home, and it's hard on the family.
And she meant a little bit of that, but what she really meant was, you know, the reason that it is important for us to do it now, the reason that it's better for us to do it now than later, is 'we're still almost normal.'
Which I loved. It was a great line.
[Pointing to Michelle] I attribute it to you. It was a good line.
And what she meant was - you know what? - five years ago, six years ago, we had just finished paying off our student loans---"
Michelle: "Three years ago, what do you mean?"
Barack: "Well, I was actually five or six.
We were still living in a condo. It was a little bit too small for the kids, for our growing family. Uh... We still had credit card debt, we were trying to figure out how to save for college for the girls and save for our retirement.
I mean, the point is, is that we've gone through what people are going through right now relatively recently. We don't forget it.
And so, when I go into the White House, I will be carrying your voices with me.
What it comes down to is, who do you trust?
And - you know - I think that, uh, if you trust me, then I think I'll deliver for you.
All right, I'm gonna go to bed!"
Whether you agree with his politics or not, I really do find it refreshing to have someone in the White House who is close to my age, facing the same financial issues I am (he earns $400 000 as President - a lot less than CEOs of large companies), who remembers what it is like to struggle, to worry, to strive to get educated.
There is no way, if I had met Mr Bush socially and he weren't President, that we would have moved in the same social circles.
The Obamas feel like a couple that I might meet at a friend's BBQ.
And I like that.
Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 10:56AM 
Fluffy Bear to Puppy Girl:
"My den, MY rules!"
Yep, he really said that to our dog. Not that we anthropomorphize our furkids or anything...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 9:25AM 
"I have a suggestion for you. Get the kids a puppy and make them responsible for potty training. When they complain, yell “THIS IS WHAT I WENT THROUGH WITH YOU!” very loudly.
I have so much pee and poop in my life right now I swear I must smell like I have liberally sprayed myself with Eau de Caca cologne."
Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at 5:12PM 
"I'm sorry I'm late. Ten minutes before I was due to leave the house, my husband and I started an argument and I had to stay until I won."
Friday, October 30, 2009 at 2:10PM 
So I'm watching some crappy daytime special on Extreme Halloweens, showcasing people who go totally over the top with their decorations.
One of them turns out to be a producer on the Simpsons who sets up animatronic skeletons, turning his yard into "Bone Island."
After we've had the flashback on how the couple set it all up, the story of how it all started and an aerial view of the whole thing, the presenter asks a visiting kid if she enjoyed the experience, and how she heard about the house.
"Uh," she says, "my sister's agent emailed us..."
Mmmm-hmm!
Friday, October 30, 2009 at 12:51PM 
Ted, to me, on IM:
"I may not hand out candy after all. Ill do what you do and leave it on the steps. Bill reminded me that most of these nasty kids probably have swine flu. I don't want to get sick"
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 10:20PM 
"I've always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness. Me? Never wanted kids. Don't have the time, don't have the uterus."
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 10:07PM 
Sue Sylvester, the cheerleading coach, in Glee, interrupting a conversation between the Glee Club's teacher, Will Schuester, and the Guidance counsellor, Emma Pillsbury:
Sue: "Oh dear God! Please, please stop talking. I am trying desperately to ignore the trickly sweet inanity of your asinine conversation, but now I've got bile in my mouth! And I will hold my tongue no further! [Holding up a clipboard.] You know what this is? It's a list of my cheerleaders. Every week I pick someone at random, and kick 'em out."
Will: "Yeah well, in Glee Club, we do things a little differently."
Sue: "Oh yeah, Will? How's that working out for ya? You have to remember something - we're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly. So if you want results from a kid, you find that competitive element within, and unleash it! OK. [Getting up to leave the room.] Oh, and that blouse [looking at Emma] is just insane."
Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 12:30PM 
"Your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms basket that doesn't belong to you."
Sally, The Evil Cheerleading Coach in Glee, telling Will's wife that her husband is "playing away from home"
Monday, September 28, 2009 at 9:38PM 
Wilson: "But you were enjoying cooking!"
House: "That was before I discovered the Biggest Loser* marathon on cable. (Gesturing at the tub of coffee ice cream in his hand) I like to imagine they can see me eating."
Hugh Laurie as Gregory House, Fox Channel
*The Biggest Loser is a reality show where obese people compete to see who can lose the most weight.
Friday, September 4, 2009 at 10:25AM 
Puppy Dog is in Doggy Day Care today, playing with his pals.
Fluffy Bear, walking into his office and looking at Puppy Dog's empty pillow on the floor:
"Where's the dog? Where's the dog? I can't work with out the dog sitting there and looking at me in a loving and bemused way!"
Friday, August 21, 2009 at 6:24PM 
Last night Fluffy Bear and I were out with Everywhereventually. his Polar Bear, and Dolly, our dear friend.
We were discussing Puppy Dogand how EE and PB, not able to have pets where they live, were enjoying hanging out with a dog. Dolly replied that she had nothing against dogs, per se, just that she preferred 23 year old base players who could, like dogs, be trained - to buy, uncork, pour and bring her Chardonnay.
Much hilarity ensued.
You may remember that I told you Dolly is very pretty, and she ain't kidding about hot base players. Us Old Marrieds need friends like her that we can live vicariously through, now and again.
Anyway... I digress.
EE then told the story of how Puppy Dog kept testing the two doors to the guest room and, finally, found a way inside.
"And so," he said, rounding off his story, "I started off my day with panting in my face and a big fat wet lick!"
"And so let me return to my preferences for 23 year old base players," laughed Dolly, "because starting your morning that way can be a totally different experience."
