Diary of an Ex-Employee - Day 86.0

 

It's too hot.  It's too damn hot.

Yes, I know there are other people who live in hotter places than I do.  Arizona, Texas, the Kalahari Desert.  Well - guess what? - they have air conditioning! 

OK, maybe not the whole Kalahari Desert.

But, still.

I am not set up for this kind of weather.  I lived in England, for God's sake - that's gonna thicken your blood and acclimatize you to the mild-to-wet-to-chilly continuum only.  Nothing else. 

Note the absence of the "Fucking hot" category on that scale.

So here are all the crazy things I've been doing to try to keep cool:

1. 3 cold showers a day
2. Standing outside in the yard, putting my finger over the spout of the hose to make a wide jet of water, pointing it up in the air and creating rain for myself
3. Dumping ice into tubs in front of the fan to make swamp coolers
4. Wetting my hair under the bathroom basin about 6 times a day
5. Going out to meet friends with a bandana on my head, which I could wet in the restroom and tie back on
6. Eating ice
7. Eating whole pints of sorbet
8. Sleeping with two fans pointed right at the bed
9. Prizing open every previously stuck sash window in our 1910 house that I can
10. Not caring if the neighbors see me walking around naked
11. Wading into the river at the park with Puppy Dog and his pals - my cellphone didn't like that one too much
12. Wetting T-shirts and then putting them on
13. Feeling my way around a dark house at night instead of turning on the lights - my left big toe, when it hit a door, didn't like that one too much
14. Wetting baseball caps and putting them on
15. Sitting in the car, aircon blasting, long after I've arrived at my destination - my petrol (gas) gauge didn't like that one too much
16. Driving around for ten minutes or more, looking for any parking in the shade close to my destination - the woman juggling her shopping cart and her baby, that I nearly ran into, didn't like that one too much
17. Buying 6 bags or more of ice at a time
18. Wetting towels and then lying down with them covering my whole body

And I'm still fucking hot.

Comments

[Mark]

Can you make some space inside the freezer or fridge?

[Ittybittycrazy]

I tried, but I have too much ice and ice cream in there...

[Lisa]

I don't have any answers. I just wanted to say it is refreshing to see a blogger who uses the word fucking in a post. I somehow have surrounded myself with women who if they met me in real life would cover their ears. Okay, now I shall read more of your blog.

[Ittybittycrazy]

I was inspired by www.lordsandladiesofleisure.wordpress.com. I used to put "f-ing" or "fracking" but, after reading LOL I thought - what the hell? This is who I am and this is how I talk.

A guy at work once said to me, when I introduced myself: "Oh, I've heard about you. I was told you have the mouth of a sailor. I like that."

I figure there are enough prissy, skinny, uptight women out there. I choose another path.

[Gareth]

As I got into bed last night after midnight I reflected that it was the 1st of August already... I reflected on how time is flying by... And then I realised how fucking cold it was and had to get out the winter duvet... Having come from 40 degree Bucharest to 12 degree London, I cannot wait to come out to see you... Long may the Seattle heatwave continue!

PS: My iPhone tells me it is only 16 degrees in San Francisco, but 38 in Seattle... Is it really that cold in California?