Hell is other people - Shut the FUCK up!
Friday, July 31, 2009 at 8:52AM 
Last night we went to see a movie. It's so damn hot that my friend Bill called around to see who had good aircon, and we went to see what they were showing.
We therefore abandoned our dogs, which I feel bad about, but Puppy Dog seems to have survived.
So... the cinema we choose is a little upscale. Let's face it, no-one has the tolerance for the proletariat when it's hot. We needed a baseball-cap-free-zone.
This place is over 21 (the ridiculously high American age when you're allowed to drink), has full bar, armchairs, footstools and drink delivery to your seat half way through the movie.
Very civilized.
Very cosmopolitan.
Very downtown.
But, sadly, not everyone watching the movie was.
Perhaps it's a sign of our times, but young people who have grown up with flatscreens and DVDs don't seem to know how to behave in a cinema.
Take my niece, for instance. The first time she was taken to see a movie, it was something like The Little Mermaid. She got popcorn, diet soda, candy - she had a great time. Then, as the credits rolled and other people got up to leave, she turned to her mother and said:
"Rewind, Mommy! Rewind!"
No amount of explaining could pacify her and, as my sister-in-law tells it, she was dragged screaming and crying from the cinema.
This generation - in many ways and in many situations - simply has no idea how to behave correctly.
So here we are, about to watch The Hangover.
I'm with good friends, the aircon is blasting, we have great seats.
I'm set.
I have my champagne, I have my glass of water, I have my Nicorette.
I'm set.
I'm an intelligent woman, I have a great sense of humor, I have a keen appreciation of irony.
I'm set.
But, no.
No.
You see, I clearly am not able to truly "get" what is going on without the help of the couple sitting in the row behind me. And they - Good Christians that they are - will help me out.
And so, after each line that they thought was funny, or each line that they felt confident they could predict before the character voiced it, they articulated - loudly.
Alan: It's time to let the dogs out!
Good Christians: "Let the DOGS out! WAAH HA HA HA HA HA!"
Cellphone rings.
Good Christians: "It's Doug!"
Phil: It's Doug!
Baby is heard crying somewhere in the suite. Stu, Phil and Alan open a closet. They see a baby.
Good Christians: "It's a baby! WAAAH HA HA HA HA HA!"
Alan wakes up, hungover, and stumbles into the bathroom for a pee. As he is taking a leak, we hear a growl. He looks to his right and, not quite believing his eyes, sees a tiger.
Good Christians: "It's a TIGER! WAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Hell - blistering, piercing, eviscerating, lacerating hell - is OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!
Reader Comments (2)
True story..
Once we went to a movie, and during the most intense scene, a baby starts wailing..some got angry and yelled "shove a tit in its mouth!!!!"..
The husband of the woman yells "who the f*** said that?". The first guy yells back.."shove the other one in his mouth"..
As you say.."hell is other people, and when you are present with them"....
Can we go to this cinema please?! I don;t care what I see, but I want a footstool and champagne :)