Diary of an Ex-Employee - Day 35.1

You know it's time to get the cleaner back when:

1. You take real pleasure in assembling a Swiffer Duster 
2. You find Charlotte's Web being re-enacted in your living room
3. You glance down at the wash basin while brushing your teeth and are greeted by a pubic hair
4. You have to wear shoes in the house or else little crunchy bits cling to the soles of your feet as you cross the kitchen
5. You turn the oven on and it lets out soft billows of black smoke
6. You open the fridge to a strangely high pitch greeting from a newly grown alien species
7. You turn around to see your dirty clothes walking themselves to the washing machine
8. You notice your dog's hay fever sneezing only kicks in when he is inside
9. You call your dog up onto your bed, but he walks out of the bedroom in disgust
10. You whistle the theme tune from Deliverance and a tumbleweed of dog fur rolls across your path