Hell is Other People - Chocolate Teapot

There's an English saying: About as useful as a chocolate teapot.

I love that saying. Or similie. Or whatever it is. I love it not only because it is so descriptive, visual and humorous, but also because it involves the thought of melting chocolate.

Chocolate teapots abound in the corporate world, and I had a run in with one today. Well, I say "run in"... It was more like a passive aggressive IM and email exchange.

I am developing requirements for an interactive web survey. The questions need to branch so that, depending on your answer to question 1, you might get directed to question 2, or you might skip to question 3. I know you know the kind if thing I mean. This isn't rocket science.

But, as I designed the questions, things started to get more complicated. Could you skip from question 2 to question 5 or question 6 based on the combination of your answers to question 1 AND question 2?

Also, does taking a fork to the in the road mean you can never end up on the same street as someone who took a fork to the right in the road? Could you go down a path that gets you to question 13, but also down a different path that also needs you to answer question 13, or do there need to be two versions of question 13?

I IM a colleague for help. This is the person who supports the application we will be using, the person who'll be building the solution. He's busy, he says, can I email him my question and he'll get back to me tomorrow.

No problem, I say.

I then spend 20 minutes trying to craft my question in an email. As you can see from my warbling above, it's the kind of thing better discussed verbally than written down.

I get a reply today, cc'd to his manager and 2 of his team mates, which starts with a list of links including Wikipedia information on business process mapping, links to requirements guidance, etc. The body of his email explains to me why one should spend time in requirements and analysis and design on a project, and lists the documents he suggests I submit for his team to work on my survey website.

I should point out here that I have had 3 meetings with his team and that they have received process flows, user stories, project background and solution landscape.  They also have links to where all the documents ate stored on our SharePoint, so they can access up to date versions of all of them.

I had made it clear in my email that I was asking a specific question so I could put the survey questions in the right order. As anyone who has designed a survey will yell you, question order is key to a clear and effective user experience.

So basically it's as if you walked up to the cosmetics counter and asked if using both the exfoliant and mask in one week is too much for your sensitive skin, and the esthetician then lectures you on how diet and not smoking is important for a healthy complexion. And she talks really loudly so everyone around you in the store can hear her.

So I sent this guy the balloon joke:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts: 

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" 

The man below says: "Yes! You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." 

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist. 

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" 

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no bloody use to anyone." 

The man below says "You must work in business." 

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" 

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where the hell you are, or where the hell you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." 

He deserved it.

Hell is other people.

To read more in this series, click here.