Puppy Talk - Crate

 

Puppy Dog:  What are you doing?  You're squirming like an eel!

Puppy Gir:  Mama wants me to go in the crate and I don't want to!

Puppy Dog:  But you heard Mama - it's Relaxytime.

Puppy Girl:  I don't want to relax!  I want to play!  More!  MORE!

Puppy Dog:  Come on, you were lying down all the time when we were playing just now.  You're tired.

Puppy Girl:  Am not!  I was just resting my eyes!

Puppy Dog:  Just go in your crate.  You can come out and play after your rest.

Puppy Girl:  Why are you on her side?

Puppy Dog:  I'm not on any side.  I just know you need to chill out for a bit.  Look, Mama even has a treat ready for when you go in.

Puppy Girl:  Oh I get it.  Whenever I get a treat, you get a treat first, because you're Mr I'm-so-special dominant dog.  You just want me to go in the crate so you can get a treat!

Puppy Dog:  Don't be silly.  Now go inside!

Puppy Girl:  What's it worth to ya?

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh] I'll let you lie on my cushion later.

Puppy Girl:  For real?

Puppy Dog:  Yes.  But don't pee or poop on it.  Now go in.

Puppy Girl:  It's a deal!  Check you later!

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh]  Kids!

Puppy Talk - Fur Blower

 

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAARGH!

Puppy Dog:  What now?

Puppy Girl:  What is THAT?  It's so loud and growly and scary!

Puppy Dog:  Relax, it's just the Fur Blower.

Puppy Girl:  The what?

Puppy Dog:  The Fur Blower.  Mama goes into the Water Room and then she comes out and that little bit of fur she has on the top is wet and so she uses the Fur Blower to make wind blow through her fur.

Puppy Girl:  Wait.  The Water Room?

Puppy Dog:  Yes, you know, the room where Mama and Dada go in and there is water and they stand in it.  They make rain in there, but it's hot.

Puppy Girl:  Oh!  You mean the Magic Poop Room!

Puppy Dog:  What are you talking about?  Magic poop?

Puppy Girl:  Yes.  Mama and Dada go in there and I can smell that they poop but you never see it.  They make it disappear!  It's magic!

Puppy Dog:  No, no, it goes into... oh, never mind.  The point is that the Fur Blower is not scary.  Mama even blew the air at me one time and it was quite nice.  Just a little too hot.

Puppy Girl:  Why don't they just shake the water off, like we do?

Puppy Dog:  I don't know.  Their fur is different to ours.  They have small bits here and there that stay, and sometimes change shape, and then they have the furs that they put on and take off.

Puppy Girl:  Hairless Apes are weird.

Puppy Boy:  I know.  But remember, they have the food.  Anyway, don't worry about the Fur Blower.  It can't hurt you.

Puppy Girl:  Well, it's still very noisy.  I think I'll stay here in the living room till it's all over.  I think I'll chew this rope.

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, you do that.

Puppy Talk - Dysonmonster

 

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Puppy Dog:  Shh!  Why are you screaming?

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  What is it?

Puppy Dog:  That?  Oh, that's just the Dysonmonster.  No biggie.

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAARGH!  It's growling!  I'm scared!

Puppy Dog: Don't sweat it, Kid.  It's OK.

Puppy Girl:  Really?  Aren't you scared?

Puppy Dog:  Nah.  First time Mama brought it out I was a bit frea-- I was a little nervous, but now I'm used to it.

Puppy Girl:  Why is Mama doing that?

Puppy Dog:  Well, at first I figured Mama was just playing with it, but now I know that it's a scent catcher.

Puppy Girl:  A what?

Puppy Dog:  A scent catcher.  Every now and then Mama takes it out and goes around the house and it takes away the den scent.  She has all sorts of things she uses as scent catchers.  I don't know why, but she and Dada like to erase the scent of our den.

Puppy Girl:  What?  That's just crazy!  Our den is supposed to smell of us!

Puppy Dog:  I know.  It must be a hairless ape thing.  Maybe we are safer from hairless ape predators if our den doesn't smell of us so much.

Puppy Girl:  I don't understand.

Puppy Dog:  Neither do I.  We used to have a hairless ape named Kassa, who came here and would spend all day with all sorts of things, catching all the scents in the den.

Puppy Girl:  How terrible!

Puppy Dog:  Actually, it wasn't so bad.  She gave me lots of pats and scratches behind my ears and called me a Handsome Boy, which, of course, I am.

Puppy Girl:  Whatever.  So I don't have to worry about the Dysonmonster.

Puppy Dog:  No, you're OK.

Puppy Girl:  Hairless apes are so weird.

Puppy Dog:  You'll learn, Kid, you'll learn.

Puppy talk - Stay

 

Puppy Dog:  Don't move.

Puppy Girl:  But---

Puppy Dog:  DON'T.  MOVE!

Puppy Girl:  Mama!  Mama!  I want it!  I want it! I want it!

Puppy Dog:  Oh, God.

Puppy Girl:  Why did she make me come back next to you and sit?  Why didn't she give me the treat?  

Puppy Dog:  Because.  You.  Moved.

Puppy Girl:  What?

Puppy Dog:  She held her hand up with her palm at us.  That means STAY.  The clue is in the name!

Puppy Girl:  What's a clue?

Puppy Dog:  Something you don't have!

Puppy Girl:  What?

Puppy Dog:  JUST SIT STILL!

Puppy Girl:  Yum!  Treat!  Yum, yum!

Puppy Dog:  See?  You're learning to Stay.  Good work.

Puppy Girl!  She has more!  I'm going closer!  Mama!  Mama!  I want some!  I want some!

Puppy Dog:   Oh, God.