Depression and ECT 27

I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html
#depression
#ECT

I went and saw my shrink today. He asked me how I am and I said this:

I feel like I had a sore hip. I started seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist, and my hip stopped hurting. I didn't magically get the ability to be a ballerina or anything, but I enjoyed the freedom of not having a sore hip. So I stopped seeing the chiropractor and massage therapist, and now my hip is starting to hurt again, and I'm really disappointed. I thought I was cured. I enjoyed not having to deal with a sore hip.

I told my shrink that, over the last few days, Depression Brain has come back.

He asked me how Depression Brain manifests.

I told him I cry more easily, the negative voices start up again inside my head, I have suicidal thoughts and I don't self-regulate, so I end up doing stupid things like emailing complaints to VPs at work.

I said I really enjoyed feeling normal when the ECT had worked, and feeling the normality ebb away and Depression Brain come back is devastating. I started to cry as I said this.

Fluffy Bear said that he didn't think that I was as bad as I was when I was depressed pre-ECT.

My shrink said that the way that I was feeling at that moment may not be a reflection of the big picture, so he asked me how I was coping at work. I admitted that I have been coping pretty well, especially since my new responsibilities mean that I have a humungous workload. I haven't let it overwhelm me.

My shrink said that he wanted to stick to a two week gap until my next ECT. just to see how I do with not having a treatment for two weeks. He also asked me to start tapering off Pristiq. I'm taking four different antidepressants so we need to work on getting off some of them. He said that doing that would also open up the opportunity to try other drugs which might make the normality stick. I'm all for that.

I guess I came away somewhat encouraged.

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT DEPRESSION: A HUMAN BEING CAN SURVIVE ALMOST ANYTHING, AS LONG AS SHE SEES THE END IN SIGHT. BUT DEPRESSION IS SO INSIDIOUS, AND IT COMPOUNDS DAILY, THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO EVER SEE THE END.
ELIZABETH WURTZEL

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html