Workplace Personalities - The Mother Hen
Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 8:08PM 
Mother Hen takes on the role unbidden. Nobody needs her to play mom, nobody asked her to play mom, but she does and, in spite of ourselves, sometimes we enjoy it.
Mother Hen makes sure the team has a birthday calendar and that there's a card that goes round for everyone to sign. She stands over you, clucking, as you desperately try to think of something interesting to write that isn't un-PC. After all, you don't want to be that guy who just puts an illegible signature on the card...
Mother Hen chastises you for using paper cups and plastic cutlery (flatware) when you could bring in a mug, a knife, a fork and a spoon from home. This attack comes out of the blue, shocking you because you just went to the kitchen to get some water, and you were filling up the paper cup you've been using for two weeks. The Mother Hen's indignation shows in the vicious energy of her scrubbing her plate in the sink, and you back away, not daring to argue, retreating to the relative safety of your cube.
Mother Hen can be useful, though. She's been in the company a looooooong time. She knows everyone and everything, and there's nothing she likes more than being asked for help. It's a validation of her knowledge, her position, her authority.
Speaking of authority, don't be fooled by Mother Hen's job title. She may be below you on the ladder but her length of service is rewarded with money (she probably earns a lot more than you do, even if it's just from share options) and respect. Let's face it, she knows where the bodies are buried.
But I'm getting off track. Back to asking Mother Hen for help.
She loves to play the Oracle, and she is always approachable and very nice when you ask for help, no matter how busy she is.
Oh, fuck, let's just call a spade a spade.
She's never really THAT busy. Mother Hen has the work-life balance thing down, Baby.
But I'm digressing again.
You can find out ANYTHING from Mother Hen. But, there's a price to pay. No matter what you ask - even if it's a yes/no question - you're going to have to sit through a mini history lesson. Where to look, who to call, what to do - you're not going to find out until you've heard how it used to be, why it changed and a quote from at least one senior executive involved in the change. It's all part of your education, you see.
Just like with your own mom, there are days when you want to claw Mother Hen's eyes out.
But then she remembers to ask if you are feeling better after that headache you had yesterday, or brings a cookie to your cube, and you love her again.
Cluck.
Cluck.
Key signs:
- Extensive knowledge of company history
- Somewhat out of date fashion sense
- Trapping you in her cube for a minimum of 100% more time than you have to chat
- Tut-tutting
Catch Phrases: Before I answer your question, let me just give you a little background
Your Strategy: Suck it up. I mean - come on! - did a "strategy" ever work with your real mother?
Their comeuppance:
There isn't one. The Mother Hen has a very powerful network. Besides, she's not that irritating, and at least she has good knowledge to share.
For more Workplace Personalities, click here.
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Reader Comments (4)
HAHAHA-this is a great post! So true, and it brings back many memories of past jobs.
@Soseattle
Check out the other Workplace Personalities... I'd be interested to know if they ring true for you to.
We all love our Mother Hens, really, don't we?
Yes, Mother Hens are great, especially when used to the best advantage.
Oh yeah. I've had my share of experiences with 3Ps, Phantoms, Arsonists, and Curmudgeons. Had a job interview with a Triple S (thank God I didn't get the job, even though could really use one) about 6 months ago. Years ago I worked with a supervisor that was an Arsonist, except I liked to call her a Stress Junkie. She would put things off and procrastinate until a crisis erupted She somehow managed to dodge the fact that her actions caused the problem in the first place, and then would jump in to save the situation, the day, and the world. She did get fired eventually, though.
@SoSeattle
I am so flattered! You went back and read the other posts in the series! I think you just made my day!
Fuck, it. You just made my WEEK!