Workplace Personalities - The Teflon Kid

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a particularly annoying workplace personality.  I'd have to say that, of all the personalities, this is the one I hate the most.

 

The Teflon Kid is different to the Yes Man.  He is infinitely worse than the Yes Man.

 

Everyone recognizes the Yes Man for what he is.  He is taken advantage of, overloaded with work and never promoted.  Whenever he speaks in a meeting people roll their eyes because they know what's coming - acquiescence spiced with fake enthusiasm.

 

The Yes Man, if he ever has time to actually finish a piece of work before being given the next one, can actually complete a task with reasonable competence.

 

Not so the Teflon Kid.

 

This is a different animal.

 

Because, fundamentally, at the root of it all, the Teflon Kid is a raging moron.  

 

Wait.  That's not right.  Because if it was that simple, the Teflon Kid would be fired.  And he never, ever, ever is.

 

The Teflon Kid may be clever, or maybe not.  He may be able to complete a task, or maybe not.  You'll never know.

 

Because - here's the thing - the Teflon Kid NEVER.  EVER.  DOES.  ANYTHING.

 

See, he is Teflon coated.

 

NOTHING STICKS.

Work doesn't stick

 

When the Teflon Kid is in a meeting and actions are handed out, any task you try to assign to him is deflected.  It's as if he has a force field.  

 

 "Shouldn't Bob take care of that?"  he'll ask.  "He has much more expertise than I do in this area."

 

 

Jobs don't stick

 

Nobody is 100% sure what the Teflon Kid actually does.  He's seen in a lot of meetings, he refers to the enormity of his Inbox, the senior managers all seem to know him by name.

 

But who does he report to?  What's his remit?  Why is he suddenly in your meeting?

 

It's a mystery.

 

And, just when you've wondered for the fiftieth time what the hell the guy's job actually is, he's named in an email of sideways shuffles or minor promotions, as having moved to another group and bringing his "wealth of knowledge" to a different initiative.  

 

You can't help but wonder if he bothers to have business cards printed, because the ink wouldn't dry before they had to be redone.

  

  

Most of all, shit doesn't stick  

 

A project can go utterly, disastrously wrong.  The funding will be pulled.  The consultants will be dispatched.  At least three employees will be fired.  At least two will be demoted in the next round of Annual Performance Reviews.  The documentation - pages and page of requirements and functional specs and test plans and stakeholder analysis - will be archived, never to be seen again.

 

But the Teflon Kid?  He emerges from the shit storm, like a superhero walking, silhouetted, backed by rousing violin music, from a burning building.

 

He moves on, usually just before the bottom falls out, to another project, in some vague role with an even vaguer title. 

  

Key signs:

• Never the one where the buck stops
• Always moving around the company
• Never, ever disagrees with the boss in meetings

    

Catch phrase: "I completely agree... "

 

  

Your strategy:

  

Unfortunately, the Teflon Kid cannot be ignored, which would be a very comforting strategy if only you could pull it off.  He can't be ignored because there he is, for no good reason, in your meeting, asking you an asinine question in front of everyone, catching you on the back foot.

  

And there he is in the corridor, in the elevator, in the lunch room, coming up to say hello, shake your hand and make some comment about some project or other that, by his tone, he makes you feel you ought to know more about.

  

And so, what I suggest is this:  Run, or Hide.

  

If the Teflon Kid comes onto your project, RUN.  Leave.  It's going to fail.  How else will he pull his phoenix shit off?  Get outta there!  

  

If you are working in a different area from him, HIDE.  Try not to get on the Teflon Kid's radar.  If he comes by, don't tell him what project you're working on.  Never schedule a meeting in a conference room on his floor.  Keep him as far away from your work as humanly possible.

   

Because if any shit flies, of any sort, it's going to bounce right off him and hit you.  

  

IN.  THE.  EYE.  

  

  

Their comeuppance:  

 

There isn't a macro one.  As the Teflon Kid is passed on by manager after manager who pretends he's great to get rid of him, he floats sideways in the company, hither and thither.

 

There is, however, a micro one.  Ask the Teflon Kid for his opinion on an issue in a meeting before the boss has expressed his, and watch him squirm.

  

 

To read more in the Workplace Personalities series, click here.

   

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