He Said She Said - Fakespeare

 

"Honey!" he yelled, "Are you almost ready?  They'll be here in a minute..."

"Forsooth!  Rush me not, young knave!  For I have just experienced what light through yonder window breaks and must my ablutions make."

"What?"

"Make not the toil and trouble.  Make the cauldron bubble!  Maketh me tea!"

"Honey, what's with the Fakespeare?"

"Unhand me, Engineering-graduate!  I'm a Literature major.  I need to get some mileage out of this stuff sometimes."

"Honey," he said, taking on The Placatory Tone, "you tell me that I only use my Engineering degree when I change a lightbulb.  Just talk to me normally."

"Get thee behind me!"

"That's the Bible, honey, not the Bard."

"All the world's a stage, and we are but extras!"

"Honey, extras are used on film or TV sets, not stages."

"Wherefore are thy making me annoyed?"

"OK, I'm going now."

"Out!  Out, damned spot!"

"Honey, have you taken your Crazy-Calming Capsule today?"

"Oh, shit, no.  I haven't."

"Let me get you your pill, honey.  Take a few deep breaths..."

"My pill!  My pill!  My kingdom for a pill!"

"..."