Health is Wealth - Thinning out Fattie Boom Boom

Explanation of Fattie Boom Boom is here.

To see more work by the artist who did this picture, click here.

Back to see Softly Concerned, our Nutritionist. I first posted about her here.

Since my first meeting with her, Fluffy Bear has been to see her, we have filled out three pages of diet diary and I've had an allergy test, learning I am "highly reactive" to eggs. [Read my rant about this here.]

And so, we were back again. We crammed into her improbably small couch (designed to make you realize you're fat?) and she, having disturbingly found lime green Merrells which matched her lime green accented track suit, hauled out our files.

Alert: Digression in progress.

I now own a pair of Merrells, having sworn I'd never buy that sort of thing. I am still valiantly resisting owning anything by North Face or stepping foot into REI. As God is my witness, I will NEVER go camping. The Merrells seem to have wormed their way into my life along with our dog and an SUV. However, my rule is that walking shoes are like SUVs - if they aren't covered in mud, you shouldn't be in them. They are NOT a fashion item. Pristine Merrells with a pristine tracksuit annoys the living shit out of me.

She talked through our diet diaries and we discovered:

• We don't eat enough protein


• Buying that little snack (lemon cake, bran muffin, banana bread) to go with your overpriced coffee is lethal


• When Fluffy Bear is away he eats badly at restaurants - Salmon sushi has a horrifyingly amazing amount of calories


• When Fluffy Bear is away I eat badly at home - four soy lattes, five protein bars and cereal do not, apparently, a healthy diet make


• My eatathon and intense cupcake cravings could be because we are now working out twice a week with Silent Evil

"When you exercise, you burn sugars and carbs first," explained Softly Concerned, "so that's why you've wanted cupcakes. Think about when you are in the hospital for major surgery. They don't wait until you are crying out in pain, because giving you drugs then will take time to get into your system to help you. No. They give you a painkiller every 4 hours. You need to do the same with carbs. Get ahead of the cravings. Have rice pasta, have healthy bread. Make sure there are carbs in your general diet. Don't wait till you find yourself driving out to Dunkin' Donuts."

Damn, no more pints of Chunky Monkey with pregnancy-type cravings as an excuse.

"Now, about the eggs..." she began.

I pulled a pouty face. "I love eggs!" I whined. "But I have to admit, the week I had fried eggs for breakfast on Sunday and two egg salad sandwiches in the week, I felt tired all the time."

"That could be an effect," she said, and went on to tell me that I had to cut out eggs for two weeks and then come and see her. Then she was going to explain a structured way that we would re-introduce them and record what happened.

"Does that mean nothing with eggs in it? No cakes, no pancakes?" I kept whining.

"No, just cut out actual eggs," she soothed.

Alert: Digression in progress

It doesn't sound so bad until you are on vacation and you stop at a diner for breakfast. Have you ever noticed how the menus are all about eggs? I ended up choosing a waffle that was covered in some disgusting sloppy preserved strawberries (I thought they'd be fresh - silly me!) and watched Fluffy Bear scoff corned beef hash with two fried eggs. Torture.

Next, we talked about alternative cereals. Quinoa, Barley, Buckwheat. Softly Concerned had a file with a page on each and a packet showing what they looked like in dry form. Fluffy Bear tried the "takes too long" defense but each page had data including cooking times and we lost that argument right speedily. And so, back to oats for breakfast sometimes, with berries or honey or Agave syrup. After seeing her we went to the deli counter and bought some Tabouleh, which was surprisingly good.

Seeing Softly Concerned is kinda like going to see your mother, resisting all the advice she gives you, going back out into the world and finding she is right about everything and being really annoyed by that fact.

And so....

We need to eat more shellfish rather than red meat.

We need to balance protein and carb during the course of every day.

We need to look up some recipes and get out of the habit of always buying the same shopping and cooking the same things.

Sigh. We've both put on weight so we better make the effort...