That's Life - That's what friends are for...

A friend of mine is introducing us to the person he's started dating recently. It's always a big step when you meet someone who might become a big part of your friend's life. Sure, you're vetting them, but you also have to make sure that you contribute to a good impression of your friend.

So I got to thinking...

What would I say if I wanted to fuck up my friend's budding relationship?

1. Has he shown you his stamp collection yet? You know, he really is quite the philatelist!


2. Are we on for karaoke this week? I hear Bert is back - (to her) Bert is this asshole who thinks he's Elvis reincarnated - but he's no match for us. Honey (to him), have you downloaded the karaoke version of "Wind beneathe my wings" from iTunes yet?


3. Have you met the other wives yet?


4. Has he shown you his collection of vintage children's photographic erotica? It's really fascinating!


5. Oh my God! It's true! You do look just like his dead wife!


6. Have you met Ella and Bella yet? I've gotta say, I was freaked out at first but who knew tarantulas and boa constrictors could be so cute!


7. I am soooo happy to meet you. It's so good that he's found someone who actually cares about him without having to be paid in cash at the end of the evening...


8. So.... a little tip. When he takes you to meet his mother... Xanax!


9. Can I just give you a little tip? I love him, dearly, and I'll always be his friend. I want him to be happy and I can see that you two would make a lovely, lovely couple. Just don't, whatever you do, don't lend him money. He'll ask. It's just a matter of time. Don't do it. Don't.


10. Oh my God, I am so excited that he's finally met someone who shares his interests! I really admire you for being so open-minded.... What do I mean? Oh.... um... Hasn't he asked you to go with him to one of his special parties yet?

That's what friends are for...