REPOST - Stuff Female People Like - No 1: Microclean

 

Why am I reposting old stuff?  Well, here's the thing about a blog.  The good stuff gets left behind to rot, assigned to a date in the past.  So, now and then, I'm just gonna pull out some of the stuff that I like and bring it into the present again.

This post was originally dated 3 April, 2009.

No. 1: Microcleaning

 

Female People like to microclean.

 

They'll be doing something completely unrelated to cleaning, like putting make up on, and they'll notice that there are a few hairs and some dust lurking behind the taps on the bathroom basin. Microdirt. So they'll reach over, without breaking their stride, grab a piece of toilet paper, wipe behind the taps, throw the toilet paper away and take a second to behold the much cleaner, much neater looking taps.

 

NOTE: Microclean = a small cleaning task

 

If you aren't watching carefully, you won't even see the Microclean happen. It's over in a flash.

It's a seemingly small thing, but it means a lot to Female People.

 

On the other hand, Female People tend not to understand that Male People do not know what Microcleaning is. They mistakenly think that Male People have chosen not to Microclean, when in fact the Male People (a) don't notice the Microdirt and so (b) wouldn't think to clean it.

This is because Male People and Female People are different kinds of circus performers.

Male People are lion tamers. When they are in the cage with the lions they are dominant and totally focussed. They have to be.

Female People are jugglers, keeping several things going at once, using periferal vision, co-ordination, balance, skill, timing.

 

The Female Person sees the Microdirt while not breaking concentration on the makeup application. The Male Person does not see the Microdirt. He went into the bathroom to take a shit, and that's it. Focus.

The gender divide over Microcleaning usually isn't an issue, unless the Female Person notices Microdirt that they are convinced the Male Person

1. must have seen,


2. must have been annoyed by,


3. must have been annoyed enough by to want to take action,


4. must have been able to compute an easy Microcleaning solution to the Microdirt which would in no way compromise the task he was previously engaged in


5. been motivated to take immediate action, and


6. not only excuted the Microclean but


7. done so effectively.

Female People simply don't understand that (1) doesn't happen, let alone (2) through (7). Therefore, blaming Male People for not making the effort to carry out (6) or not being thorough enough to ensure (7) is simply nonsensical.

Sadly, however, this is a common cause of disagreement in the average household.
Hence:

FP: "Do not tell me that you didn't notice the toilet roll was finished! Why didn't you put a new roll on?"
MP: "It's not finished. There's still one square on it."
FP: "Are you kidding me?"

NOTE: Microclean = a small cleaning task + one that is easily done

Another key thing to remember about Microcleaning is it's immediacy. Female People's motivation behind Microcleaning is simple: I'll get this tiny thing done now, and it won't turn into a big thing that has to be done later.

Microcleaning is a key tool in the Female Person's Disaster Prevention Arsenal.

Hence:

FP: "Honey, couldn't you have wiped the sauces splashes on the microwave glass
plate?"
MP: "What splashes?"
FP: "The splashes. Now we've microwaved other stuff and the sauce is cooked on."
MP: "Don't worry. It'll wipe off."
FP: "Oh sure! I'll be the one scrubbing it off!"
MP: "Well, leave it! I'll do it later!"
[Sound of scrubbing.]
MP: "Honey, what are you doing? I said I'd do it."
FP: "You know you bloody well won't."

NOTE: Microclean = a small cleaning task + that is easily done + right now

The gender divide aside, Microcleaning is important to Female People. Having accomplished the Microclean, the Female Person will be more relaxed, even slightly happier, feeling they have added some order to a chaotic world.