Hell is other people - I'm tired. Stop talking!

 

So we finally get off the tiny-seated, no-food, completely full plane, we walk through the airport, we stand in the cold waiting for the bus to take us to the long term car park, the bus finally comes, we get on, we remain patient while the bus stops for 4 other sets of people.

Finally, we are on our way to the car park.  We have 20 minutes to get to doggy day care to get our older boy.  The clock is ticking.

We are tired, we are hungry, we are impatient.

"How's everyone this evening, folks?" yells the driver.

Grateful there are other people on the bus, we let them answer.  The English don't tend to engage in loud conversation with strangers.

"I gotta tell you a story!" he yells.

Oh, fuck.  Here we go.

"So I'm driving the bus the other day, and this guy gets on with his wife and his teenage son.  Like I said to all of you when you got on, I said to him: 'May I have your yellow ticket, Sir?'  Well, he's diggin' in his pockets and he can't find his ticket. 

"Then he says to me: 'I remember it, though, it's BILL.'  Bill?  Bill?  I don't know what he's talking about. 

"So finally he finds his ticket and he hands it to me.  It's for parking spot B one-eleven!

"I say: 'That's for parking spot B one-eleven!'

"And now his teenage son is cracking up.  The dad is so embarrassed but his son is laughing and laughing.  And then his son says to me: 'You know what his job is?'

"I say: 'What's his job?'

"The boy says: 'He's a teacher!' "

A few polite laughs from the passengers.  Fluffe Bear and I aren't playing.  We stay stoically silent. 

Fluffy Bear opens up the notepad on his iPhone and types something.  He shows it to me.  It says:  Kill me.

"Wait!  It gets better!" the driver yells, clearly having missed his calling as a salesman on QVC shopping channel.

"The son says: 'Ask him what he teaches!'

"I say: 'What do you teach, Sir?'

"He says: 'Spelling!' "

A few people on the bus laugh.  Only the woman sitting at the front seems genuinely amused.  Or maybe she always laughs like a manic banshee, who knows?

Fluffy Bear taps his iPhone again, turning the screen to show me.  Added to the previous message are three words:  Kill me now.

"Yeah," continues the driver, causing Fluffy Bear to slump in defeat (he'd obviously thought the seated-stand-up routine was over), "people do lots of embarrassing things on my bus!

"One time I picked up this really big guy.  He was about 6 foot 6 and really - uh - sturdy. 

"So he gets on the bus and he can't find his ticket.  And he's standing at the front of the bus, fishing in his pockets and he says: 'I guess I have something in my pocket that you want, right?'

Real laughter this time.  Good old sexual innuendo, never lets an amateur comic down.

"So, as you know me by now, I never let a joke go.  So I lean on the pole right here and I say: 'But, Sir, we just met!"

OK, if I was less tired, and had more time on my hands, that would be funny, I guess.

But I'm not and I don't so I'm staring out the window, willing the car park to appear around the next corner.

And it does.

Thank God.

I know I'm a bitch but, still, hell is other people.