Depression and ECT 46: Joy

I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

Today in yoga we worked towards being able to do the Splits. I don't think anyone has said "the Splits" to me in years. It feels amazing to work towards things I was last able to do in my pre-teen body. Somehow it strangely makes me feel younger. And it's so inspiring to see our teacher, who is definitely over 60, ease into perfect Splits in front of me. That will be me in a year or two.

During our relaxation at the end of class, the teacher read this quote from Andre Gide: "Know that joy is rarer, more difficult, and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation."

Then, as we took our final seat she said: "Just settle into joy. Settle in to the knowledge that everything is OK."

This was a very powerful moment for me. Just sitting and admitting, accepting, savoring that, in that moment, things were OK. It felt like a revelation.