Hell is Other People - The Boss from Hell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My very good friend Barbara has a new boss.  And he's a Fuckwit.  

 

Think I'm being too harsh?  Read on...

 

1)  The Game

 

Fuckwit Boss decided that the IT Project Managers should be engaged in the company by having a game to play.  Keep in mind how far gaming has come.  Keep in mind the sophistication of the games we are all currently playing, even on our phones.

 

So this is what Fuckwit Boss does.  He gets excited, he jumps up in the meeting, he starts drawing on the whiteboard.

 

"Picture this!" he says, scribbling furiously.

  

"What we have is a Project Manager, and they have all these project tasks coming down at them from the sky, and they have to run and catch them so they score points to have a successful project!"

"AND!" he continues, his brainstorming genius cup overflowing... "They all have more than one project to run, so the tasks can be different shapes!  And different colors!" 

 

To her credit, Barbara said nothing.

 

Here's what I would have said:

 

"Would there be a soundtrack to this?  Perhaps a kinda bip-bip-bip noise?"

 

OR

 

"If the project manager doesn't catch a task, does it turn into a yellow circle with a little snapping mouth that chases him?"

 

OR

 

"Can the project manager jump to different levels?  Maybe, as well as tasks coming down, we have a scary monkey throwing obstacles down, and he has to jump over them, and maybe they aren't square like the tasks, but more barrel shaped?"

   

2)  Too Close for Comfort

 

Barabara and her team - including her boss - were at a conference.  These things are a lot of work and - if you've ever been to one - you'll know that, at some point, you have to let off steam.  

 

And so the whole team were at a dinner, followed by a party with dancing.

 

Barbara can get down with the best of them, and she and her colleagues are shaking their boot-tahys.

 

And then, out of the blue, Fuckwit Boss comes up to her, on the dancefloor, and hugs her... hugs her close.

 

Barbara is stunned.  Over his shoulder, she looks at her colleagues with, she told me, a mix of panic and revulsion.  None of them save her.

 

He stepped back - and this is kicker - says to her:

 

 "I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable.  I hope that was OK."

 

Barbara is a very intelligent woman.  I don't need to give you my opinion on this, because she put it perfectly.

 

"If a person who has touched a colleague has to ask that question," she said, "that's a clue that what you did IS NOT OK."

 

 

3)  No Respite

  

Barbara had minor surgery.  It wasn't anything life threatening, but it was surgery.  She woke up in the morning, and she really wasn't feeling well.

 

She works at one of those companies where they have all the latest technology, so you can log into your computer from home and get access to all your stuff.  If you work at pretty much any medium to large sized company, you can do that.

 

Also, there's this thing called the TE-LE-PHONE.  Even better than that, there's this amazing thing called THE CON-FER-ENCE PHONE.  So, guess what?  You can even take part in meetings from home.

 

So, at 6am, immediately after getting up, Barbara sent an email to her boss and her team to say wouldn't be in the office that day, but that she would be online and available on her cell phone.  

 

Let's face it, she should've taken a sick day.  A day when she could lie on the couch, watch crappy daytime TV, take painkillers and get paid by her firm to do it.  

 

But my dear friend suffers from a serious condition, one that endangers many of us in corporate America...

 

She has a strong work ethic.

 

She was managing a project that was vital to the company, and was at a critical stage.  She settled for a compromise - working from home.

 

Her boss is an ex-military man, so that will explain his reaction to her email.

 

"If you are not in the office by 10 am" he mailed back " I will consider you Absent Without Leave!"

 

I hereby choose not to comment on this.  You don't want to read a bunch of swearwords, and I think the response speaks for itself.

 

Hell is other people.

 

 

 

If you want to read about more people that I think epitomize a lifetime in hell, click here.

• Your children are revolting
• When you're in the cinema, shut the fuck up