Workplace Personalities - Parents Lil Princess

 

Parents Lil Princess is called that for a reason.  

She isn't Mama's Lil Princess, because that would make her more about being a cutie pootie who expects doors opened, finger draping diamond rings, Jimmy Choos and generaally to be kept in the manner to which she would like to become accustomed without her having to do regular blow jobs.

She isn't Daddy's Lil Princess either, because that has an Oedipal connotation, and would make her more about finding a man to protect, worship and look after her who reminders her - consciously or unconsciously - of her father.

No, this is Parents Lil Princess, because they are both equally complicit in the fantasy that moulds her.  

To get a clear picture of this woman, imagine her at 5, or 6, or 7 years old.  She's at the annual ballet show that the teaching school puts on for the paying parents, allowing them to swoon over their little darlings and commit to another year of dance class fees.  Parents Lil Princess is dancing, in a line, with her classmates.  Of all of them, she is clearly not naturally talented.  This will not be another Darcey Bussell.  She's gangly, stumbles, perhaps even bumps the poor little girl on her left.

The Parents see none of this.  Video camera in hand, they are the only ones in the audience standing, and they're crooning loudly.  Mummy is probably crying, and Daddy is utterly smitten.

They firmly believe - with a faith stronger than a member of a suicide cult - that their daughter is a prodigy.  And it's not just about ballet.  Piano lessons, drama lessons, field hockey - name your poison -Parents Lil Princess is always the most adept child on the stage/field.  

Worst of all, they pass this belief onto the little girl in question.  Her indoctrination into the cult of her unquestionable ability is deeply ingrained over years and years.

Once Parents Lil Princess enters the workplace, her self-belief is entrenched.  Now remember, this is in no way proportional to her ability.  This combination renders her possibly even more difficult to deal with than The Paper Flower, because at least the flower knows she's incompetent while trying to hide it.  Parents Lil Princess, on the other hand, is blind to her limitations.

And so, the day comes when you ask her to do something for you.  Maybe it's Parents Lil Princess that needs to execute the task, maybe it's her team.  Either way, you are not going to get what you asked for.  Worse still, if you try to communicate that your needs have not been met, you are faced with utter incredulity.  I mean, come on, Parents Lil Princess is never wrong.  Her work is purrrrrrfect.  So how on earth did you not get exactly what you needed from her?  Does.  Not.  Compute.

If you feel annoyed by this, consider how bad it is for her team.  Her disproportionate sense of expertise and entitlement means that she can treat people however she wants to.  After all, her parents - supposed to be the authority figures in her life - gave her whatever she wanted and constantly made her feel uberspecial, so she sees everyone else as being not only less able than she is, but also in her service.  

If her team question her, she explodes.  If her team asks for guidance, she is incapable of giving it.  They are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Worst of all, when they are working their asses off, Parents Lil Princess is spending the entire team budget on training or conferences in exotic places because she's the best, she's the most important and she's the designated Star.  Parents Lil Princess tends to have a high staff turnover on her team.  She doesn't see that as an indication of her being the problem, of course.  Every one else has the issues.  

The last thing to know about Parents Lil Princess that she has a very strong knife and she doesn't hesitate to stab it in anyone's back.  This is simply because nobody else can be right so, if they get in her way, they must be got rid of.  She feels perfectly justified in killing someone off.  They aren't, after all, as good as she is so there's no loss, right?  

To summarize...

Key signs:

• Confidence multiplied exponentially, to the point of narcissism
• Incomprehension when performance is questioned 
• Disproportionate sense of entitlement
• Screwing other people over with no sense of guilt, or even a sense that there should be a sense of guilt

Catch phrase: Of course I can do that!  I'll have it you to right away!

Your strategy: 

You have these choices.  If you can't go with No. 1, the others work best when combined:

1. Avoid
2. If you have to engage, try to make her feel like the expert - suck it up and be humble 
3. Make your instructions on the task as simple as possible - think Idiot's Guide
4. Cover your ass - all specifications and agreements regarding work must be in writing, preferably in email which she has to reply to, thereby confirming her commitment
5. Make friends with her boss so, if you ever have to escalate, you'll be believed, because her boss has had months, possibly years, of her telling him/her how wonderful she is

Their comeuppance:

Sadly, it'll only happen if her whole team finds a way to leave at once.  Only then will Parents Lil Princess' boss realize she's been bullshitting him all this time.

To read more in the Workplace Personalities series, click here.

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