Workplace Personalities - The Ninja

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

The Ninja is a person who has a very rich life outside of work, and a probably a fascinating life in general.  But you'll never know about all of it.

  

Usually an alumni (if that's the right word) of the armed forces, the Ninja is a finely honed, fit and toned, fighting machine.  He is a black belt in something that has trained him to kill an attacker in 0.3 seconds with 4 strategically placed blows.

  

The Ninja wears tailored clothes, because off the peg shirts and suits don't fit him.  His shoulders are too wide, his thighs are too big, his stomach is too tight to fit into a standard pair of Lucky jeans or a Hugo Boss suit.  

  

The Ninja may make oblique references to military missions in days past but, obviously, he can't tell you too much, which only adds to the air of mystery and veiled threat that wafts around him.  While you come in on a Monday ready to chat about the latest crappy Hollywood blockbuster that you paid $12 to be disappointed by, surrounded by etiquette-free movie-goers chomping stale popcorn swimming in rancid, fake butter, he regales you with tales of his latest martial arts tournament, where ribs were bruised, noses broken and egos shattered.  Not his, of course.  No.  He won the bout.

  

Probably due to his checkered past, the Ninja has a very strong sense of humor.  He sees through the corporate bullshit to the cynical comic gem beneath, and doesn't hesitate to point it out with a pithy statement, as artfully aimed as any sniper's lethal bullet.  If you have even the vaguest sense of the absurdity of modern life, you will find the Ninja utterly hilarious.  And, even if you don't, you should probably laugh along anyway.  Better to be with him than against him.

  
For obvious reasons, the Ninja takes no shit from anybody and, on observing his tight muscles, and even more tightly wound temper, people don't tend to give him shit in the first place.

 

 

Key signs:

• Great body
• Military terms may occasionally pepper his conversation
• Secrecy as a default attitude
• If he shares them, incredible stories from his weekend

Catch phrase: You can't narrow it down to only one.  If you could, though, it would be very, very sarcastic.  

  

 

Your Strategy: Placate

 

  

Their comeuppance:  

 

There probably won't be one.  Everyone's too damn petrified of him to engage in political battle, let alone a war.

  

  

  

For more in the Workplace Personalities series, click here.

 

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• The Curmudgeon
• The Uppity Vendor