Wednesday
Jan202010
Dear Diary - Body Betrayal
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 10:49PM 
Dear Diary
Sometimes I feel like my body is betraying me.
I went to a networking thingy tonight.
It was interesting to be one of the few people there with a full time job, but that's a different story.
What happened is this...
We took a break after dinner and before the speech, and I headed off to the restroom. A very interesting woman I have met before walked with me, and we were yacking, as you tend to do at these things.
She seemed to be one of those people who is happy to continue a conversation between restroom stalls, so we kept talking as we both put buttcheeks to porcelain.
And then my body decides it's time to take a massive, smelly dump.
So there I am, trying to sound cheerful and chatting away, trying to cover the whole bowl of the toilet with my ample bum and thighs so no smell gets out, and trying desperately to finish pooping quickly so that I can bound out of the stall as if I've only had a nice little pee like everyone else.
It didn't work.
She was out of the stall, hands washed and out of the bathroom before I even got to the last wipe.
And she knew.
She knew.
Because at some point she just stopped talking and left the restroom, without saying anything that would close the conversation like "see you back in there" or "I'm heading back now."
Why, Body, why?
Why then?
You had various opportunities during the day, in total privacy, to drop a bomb on Dresden.
Sigh.
You Judas!
Reader Comments (6)
Here are some hints the next time you find yourself in such a situation :).
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/171960631.html
Everybody poops. Everybody farts.
@soseattle
Goddammit! Some warning please! I just had 2 colleagues rush to my cube thinking I was choking on my lunch when in fact I was laughing so hard I almost had an asthma attack. Hell - I'll just say it. I laughed so hard I almost pooped myself.
@debineezer
Slander! Her Majesty the Queen does NOT poop!
Oh my gosh, this is the funniest thing I've read in awhile. Not that I'm laughing AT you. I'm laughing WITH you.
Wait. You were laughing about this, right?
You're right. The queen doesn't poop. She shits up a storm while reading the gossip rags and then has her royal ass wiped by small Malaysian houseboys.
@debineezer!
LOL!
Maybe she has one of those whoopdie doopdie Japanese toilets that wash your bum bum.