He Said She Said - Just in case
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 8:55PM 
They were watching one of those detective series where they have to break the bad news about a murder, and the spouse regrets the content of his last conversation with his now deceased wife.
"Just for the record," she said, "if we ever speak and then, afterwards, you are run over or murdered or your plane crashes or the ship you are on sinks or you have a major heart attack or stroke or there's an earthquake or hurricane or anything that kills you... I love you."
"What?" he said.
"Well, you know, when the Police come to tell me you're dead, I don't want to be a total fucking cliche and tell them that I wish I had told you I love you."
"What?"
"Even if our last conversation was an argument, or me asking you something that annoys you like to take out the trash. Hell, even if our last conversation was me admitting to an affair, none of that matters. I love you. I'm saying it now and it counts forever and ever and it counts no matter what I said in our last conversation, OK?"
"Um, OK..."
"Honey! This is serious! I love you and it counts, and it counts to infinity and I hereby state that it overrides anything else I might say in whatever turns out to be our last conversation."
"OK, OK. You love me. No Last Conversation Regrets."
"Don't you want to tell me the same thing?"
"Well I don't think it really matters what the last conversation is. You know I love you."
"Oh, so you don't care. I'll be dead and you won't care if the last thing you said to me is something crappy like that I'm not allowed to have a new chocolate lab puppy for my 40th birthday. Does that mean that you'll just forget me and bring a date to my funeral? Huh? HUH?"
"Oh, God."
"I'm waiting..."
"Honey," he said, speaking very slowly and very, very clearly, "no matter what I say to you in what is our last conversation, I love you. I love you infinity and it totally counts against whatever-- um, you know, whatever. OK?"
"OK. Nice save. I love you."
"I love you too, you crazy bitch."
"That better not be the last thing you say to me!"
Reader Comments (2)
I dunno, I think "I love you too, you crazy bitch." is kinda romantic.
Well it's better than a lot of things he could say, I guess.