Stuff Female People Like - No. 15: BFFs
Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 12:58PM 
This series was inspired by stuffwhitepeoplelike.
This post was inspired by Snooty Primadona's post on a new friend.
15. BFFs
Every Female Person has one - her BFF, or Best Friend Forever.
Some Female People are blessed with more than one but, usually, there is that one special person who occupies a very special place in the Female Person's heart.
BFF's have very special characteristics which single them out from other friends, something that Hollywood has portrayed, again and again:
- History. A BFF is usually someone who "knew you when." Knew you when you were still at school, and therefore knows the geek/cheerleader/choir girl/drama lead you used to be. Because we all remain what we were as kids, underneath. Knew you when you were at college/university, and therefore was with you when you discovered sex/feminism/men/politics. Because we all remain that carefree, barefoot, no-mortgage, budding women were used to be, underneath. Knew you before you were married. Because we all remain that dancing/clubbing/single Sex and the City woman we used to be, underneath. Example: The Banger Sisters.
- Men. A BFF knows about all your lovers. All of them. BFF knows exactly what you mean when you say "Kinda like Craig's hair, remember?" or "Sort of like when that Hippie guy sang to me, remember?" or "It reminded me of Bruce's dick, remember?" Example: Sex and the City.
- Dreams. A BFF knows what you planned, wanted, dreamed of for your life and so, when the compromises you've made frustrate you, when the corporate glass ceiling hits you, when Suburbia suffocates you, she understands why. Because she knows that it was all meant to be so very, very different from this. Example: Beaches.
- Sympatico. Even if a BFF has very different opinions, tastes and politics from you, she gets where you are coming from. You have talked and shared so much over the years that she can almost read your mind. No matter how far apart you are or how seldom you see each other, talking to BFF is like riding a bike - you get on and, suddenly, you remember everything you ever learned about how to do it, just like a pro. Example: Mama Mia.
- Deep roots. The relationship with the BFF is so deep-rooted that it stands alone, needing nothing else to support it. There's no introduction, no explanation, no exposition. The relationship is not based on a shared hobby, held together by the convenience of daily contact, or forced because your husbands/kids are friends. It strong, deep-rooted, like an old oak that will not fall because of the strongest wind, and stupid things that hack at the base, trying to fell the tree, simply create notches in the trunk that become a part of it's history. Example: Sex and the City, again
- Got your back. A BFF is on your side - always. No matter what you've said, what you've done, what you've forgotten to do, a BFF is there to forgive, to listen, to love you, even in spite of yourself. Example: Thelma and Louise.
The Female Person values her BFF very highly.
The BFF was there before, and will be there after, the studies, the job, the husband, the kids play the major role in her life.
The BFF is a touchstone, a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader, a shrink.
But most of all, the Female Person loves her BFF because she is the one person, the one place, in the world where the Female Person can shrug off the roles of lover, mother, sister, colleague, boss, wife, PTA president, and just be herself.
My BFF and I met at university. She was in my drama class and seemed to me to be this beautiful butterfly who knew everyone, spoke to anyone, wore crazy gypsy skirts and was a ball of energy and happiness. When I moved into res (dorms), she was there and took me under her wing, introducing me to her crew. She was definitely the Alpha of the group and I became her Beta, winning the prize for "most corrupted first year" at our end of year dinner.
We went to lectures barefoot, our biggest treat of the day was chocolate around 4pm and we made a bet with each other to "get with" a guy from each of the male dorms before the end of the year (yes, we succeeded).
We sang the whole score of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (we still can).
Friday afternoons we'd all bunk off lectures with our friends and find somewhere to head for drinks. Frequently this would involve taking cheap bottles of wine down to the beach and dancing as the sun set.
In second year we led the hatred of the younger, cuter, first years and got other people to join us swapping everything in their rooms or setting up one of their beds in the middle of the dorm. Yeah, we didn't like the competition.
We'd go to clubs and dance on the bars, we'd suntan, we'd talk for hours about literature and, of course, boys.
We knew the whole dance to the Locomotion.
As the years passed we both left South Africa. When we lived a short flight away, visits to each other were always spiced with food and wine and heavily flavored with laughter. We toured Paris, we walked the streets of London.
We danced and sang our hearts out at a Madonna concert.
Since I moved to the US, we've stayed in touch on the net and over the phone - we've laughed, cried, shared our diet triumphs, our silly stories, our deepest fears, pain and disappointments.
We went on a shopping spree and did a giggling, modelling photo shoot for Fluffy Bear when we got home.
If our husbands adhere to the statistics and die before we do, our plan is to live together and do naughty things like hire male prostitutes, wear inappropriately revealing clothing to the old age home Bingo night, and swear (curse) loudly and frequently. We are going to be the bad girls of the retirement community. And those young 70 year old bucks will be lining up to "come in for a coffee" after retro disco night. We plan to stand at street corners, looking old and frail and, when someone asks us if we need help, look up from under our purple hat brims and yell:
"FUCK OFF!"
Yep, me and my BFF... friends forever.
Reader Comments (4)
Sadly, not all of us have them. Times change, people change, and sometimes, you just don't fit anymore. I do have several friends that I can call up after any length of time and we pick up from right there. But as much as I've always wanted a real BFF...well what passed for that passed on about 4 years ago.
I have lost good friends too. Like boyfriends, we broke up. It was painful and horrible and years later I still wonder what I could've done differently. Three very important women in my life fall into that category. Don't worry, new ones come - like us!
How could I have missed this post?!?! It's brilliant! I'm going to be the old lady in the nursing home who yells for her reefer & headphones, LOL!
Unfortunately, at my age, my friends seem to be dropping like flies or moving away. It makes all the great memories hurt when you think about them.
I've also lost a few friends along the way who for one reason or another, decided to dump me. Sometimes they were just using me to climb the social ladder & I still have the marks all over my back. Others found me useful or amusing for a time, then dumped me. I consider myself lucky to be rid of them.
Excellent post!
Liz, I should've replied to your comment ages ago. I apologize.
If your friends are dropping like flies, do what my mother did - get younger friends. Her friends had an age range from 30 years her junior to 20 years her senior at all times.
She was quite a gal, my mom.