Flavors of America - The ABCD of Santa Monica

We took a virtually free vacation to LA last weekend.  Flights on airmiles, a dear friend to host us, etc. We had a great time! 

Mulholland Drive, Chinese Theatre, Hollywood sign... all the classic stuff.

Continuing the tourist thing, we went to Santa Monica pier.  It was a blisteringly hot day, and the mad folks were all out...

The Doggie pram...

The Hair Fashion Crime...

The Mylie Cyrus Wannabe, who God has cruelly cursed with a mediocre voice...

Next, the beach.  Who knew what wonders awaited us?  

It was packed to the gills with people... under umbrellas, paddling, body-surfing.

Our experience was a little different.  I chose not to illustrate the two nastiest with photos... you don't need that.

A is for Armband

Lying on the sand, one of those rubber things drug addicts tie around their arms, pulling one side with their teeth to tighten and make their veins bulge before they shoot up.

B is for Butt

Say no more...

C is for Condom

Yes, we paddled into the water and there it was... a used blue condom.  There then followed one of those Charlie Chaplin moments where we tried to run out of the sea and the little waves kept washing the condom after us.  I started singing the jaws theme while breaking into a sprint up the sand.

D is for Disgusting

You thought the condom was bad?  Nope.  Further horrors awaited us.

We started to leave the beach and got to the outdoor showers.  There was a woman in a bikini with a wrap around her waist.  At first she seemed to be rinsing off like everyone else... but then I saw her take out shower gel.  And then I saw her take out a razor.  And then she proceeded to shave her inner thighs.  Seriously.  Patootie shaving in public.  Lovely.