SFPL - No. 13: The Passive-Agressive Honey Do List

 

This series is inspired by the blog/book Stuff White People Like. 

 

In the USA, the list of household DIY tasks a wife gives to her husband is called The Honey Do list, as in, "Honey, please do this...."  

 

But I don't believe that many Female People actually make a list.  For a start, that takes the effort to actually write something down when you notice a lightbulb has blown - probably while carrying a large load of washing.  Second, the list would have to be constantly amended (i.e. added to) which could be demotivating for the Male Person.  Third, writing an actual list risks getting a list of your own.

 

And so, what happens in reality is that the Female Person likes...

 

 

13. The Passive-Agressive Honey-Do List

 

There are very clear rules to maintaining the Passive-Agressive Honey-Do List.

1. List item creation - The Female Person must shout the latest list item accross the house when the Male Person is busy with something else.  The announcement must, by definition, be an interruption, an annoyance.  That way, it's bound to be more memorable.  
2. List item reminder - The Female Person must notice that the issue - let's use the example of replacing a blown lightbulb - has not been fixed a few days later and, again, shout about it when the Male Person's head is somewhere else.  The tone must be a little harsher, a little more impatient, this second time.
3. List item allusions - After one reminder, the gloves are off.  From this moment on, the Female Person stirs up her creative juices and mixes in a double shot of sarcasm.  The list item must be alluded to as often as possible, preferably while disussing something completely unrelated.  Hence:

"Of course I'll make you a cup of tea, honey.  How about tomorrow when the sun comes up and I can see what I'm doing in there?"

"Where's the cheese grater?  It's in the dishwasher.  I would have unpacked it but I didn't want to leave the fridge door open that long.  The light is good but you lose all the cold air in there."

"Please can you feed the dog?  You see better in the dark than I do."

The Passive-Agressive Honey-Do List is really an art.  Any comment or request made by the Male Person must trigger a creative process which somehow, some way, brings the conversation back to the Honey-Do List item.

 

It takes a perfect blend of bad timing, bitchiness and booby trapping.