Diary of an Ex-Employee - Day 4.0

Today began with housework.

Might as well get used to it - the Cleaner (she's amazing) is going to have to go. I unpacked the dishwasher, put newly dirtied stuff into it, washed up the stuff that shouldn't go in there, gathered up glasses and cups that were sitting around the house... sound boring and mundane? It was.

I also put empty cans of Canada Dry soda water in the recycling pile. Will have to say goodbye to that - tap water from now on.

I know, I know, I am sure you think I am being a Petty Pouty Princess. Kazillions of people clean their own houses. But, you see, that's not the point.

I call it the Princess and the Pea syndrome.

It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, male of female, celebrity or nobody. Unwanted change hurts.

A few days ago, an e-friend (someone I only know online) posted a link to this article about a TARP wife (spouse of a bailed out banking CEO) with the comment "Oh Boo Hoo!" I know it's easy to deride those who seem more fortunate (a.k.a. rich) than us when they fall on hard times. "Now you bloody well know what it feels like for the rest of us" is the general way of thinking.

But - and I hate to break it to you - no, they don'tknow what it feels like to be you. No one knows your particular pain, challenges, triumphs. And - by the same token - you shouldn't presume to know theirs.

We all live our own lives, go through our own experiences, but empathy comes from what we have in common - our shared basic emotions, fears, joys.

• TARP Wife has to try to continue to be strong, to look like everything is OK so that she can remain part of her social set, or she'd be ousted and alone = Fear of being rejected from the tribe


• TARP Wife wonders if she is going to lose people, people that she loves, that she saw every day. Will they stay in touch now opportunities for contact aren't so convenient? = Sadness at the thought of missing people you care about


• TARP Wife is worried that her life will change, that she will have to more into new territory she doesn't know how to navigate = Fear of the of unknown


• TARP Wife knows that doing new things, in new ways, is going to be hard. She's wondering if she can handle this - can she be strong enough? = Basic insecurities


• TARP Wife still goes to the charity events, but cannot contribute like before, which is humiliating = Embarrassment in front of peers


• TARP Wife isn't sure how bad this is all going to get. She didn't see this coming so who knows what else lies in wait, growling low and threatening in the dark? Is something more coming? How much is coming? Will it all add up to so much that it takes her down, and she never finds a way back to this place, this life that she worked so hard to build? No insurance policy covers this! = Fear of losing everything you worked so hard for

No, I'm not a TARP Wife. But I guess losing a well-paid white collar job makes me TARP Wife Ultra Lite.

And so, yes, I hate doing housework. Not only because I have a low disgust threshold and a high physical-activity-laziness quotient, but because it's a sign that things have changed, things are less sure, adjustments and compromises will have to be made.

And it's scary.

And it's sad.

And it sucks.