Diary of an Ex-Employee - Day 25.0

Yesterday was a strange day.

First, some context:  I have been rejoicing and lamenting at the same time.  

Rejoicing for Fluffy Bear, who is working on a start-up and showcasing the intelligence, tenacity and talent that I always knew he had.  He is making real progress because of his hard work and a set of meaningful coincidences which have enabled friends to help his business get on it's feet.

Lamenting for me because I felt that the universe was not showing me clear signs like it seems to be for my husband.

But yesterday I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I realized last night, after my very full day was over, that there had been some signs...

First, I had lunch with an ex-colleague and her daughter.  Let's call my ex-colleague Nancy Drew, because she has an uncanny ability to fix problems.  And let's call her daughter Scarlett O'Hara, because she has such courage under adversity.

Scarlett O'Hara's life changed completely recently when she got a very rare disease.  After seeing a holistic practitioner and having tests, she also found out that she had two major food allergies.  And so her body is riddled with drugs and detoxing from years of eating foods it can't process.  She is tired, in pain and yet still managing to keep her job and live her life.  This huge change is being faced by a young girl whose major decision that day ought to revolve around what shoes to wear and which guy to date.  She is growing up, fast, and will see life completely differently, with a depth and maturity unmatched by many of her peers.

Sign No. 1: Scarlett represents someone facing huge, unexpected change with stamina, courage and grace.  I need to do the same.

Second, I met with She's So Lovely, my therapist.  We talked through what's going on with losing my job, trying to find another one and the fact that, at the moment, I feel like an upside-down swan.

The swan is often used as a metaphor for the perfect party hostess.  What you see is a beautiful, elegant bird, gliding effortlessly across the water.  What you don't see is the strong paddling going on below the surface.

Right now, if you look at me from the waist up, you see a lot of energy, positivity, pro-activeness.  I am networking, going to my old firm's outplacement consultants, sending out my resume, bla bla bla.  But actually, below the surface, I'm not really moving.  From the knees down I'm am sunk into the slushy, gloopy mud of fear and procrastination.  And not only that, sometimes I worry it might not be mud, but quicksand.

I haven't really done deep work on my resume, I haven't evaluated what I want to do and who I want to work for.  I just keep focusing on the large corporates who have offices in my city.  I don't have a plan.  I still haven't unpacked the case of stuff from my old cube. 

I'm stuck.   

She's So Lovely told me two important things.  First, how to do interventions and remind myself that I am talented, intelligent, marketable and would be an asset to any organization.  Second, she advised me to cast my net wider.  Think about jobs that would bring me closer to my creative side, where I'd have fun, be enthused and want to get up and go into work every day.

Sign No. 2: Intervene in stuck thinking and be freed to move forward.

Sign No. 3: Broaden your horizons.  Anything can happen.

Then I went to a networking thing with Fluffy Bear last night.  I'd forgotten how hard networking can be.  It takes energy to go up to total strangers, strike up a conversation and then weave your pitch into it in such a way that it sounds completely natural.

Think of all those radio and TV ads that try to recreate a conversation where one person recommends something to someone else.  Don't they always sound so fake?

So I move through the crowd, promoting my man and his killer idea, conversing with people half to two thirds my age, spilling my drink down my cleavage and getting my lipstick on my teeth. 

And then, just as I am starting to stroke Fluffy Bear's arm in that meaningful way that tells him I want to go home to my couch, fattening food and a mindless DVD, I meet Phoebe.  

I am calling her Phoebe because, like the character in Friends, she is very much in touch with her intuition.  I saw very quickly that she is a very intelligent woman.  She's show great courage in her past and had her taste of corporate America.  But she has a firm belief in keeping her eyes open for the signs that lead you to the right place at the right time.

She felt, a few years ago, that she should go to a country in South America.  She went there, alone, and started walking the streets, talking to people.  She came across families who were trying to rise up out of poverty, perhaps through opening a little tobacco stand, or repairing the roof over their heads.  And so she contacted people back home and began to raise money.  She didn't start an official charity, she just found funds, walked around and helped people.  Every time she thought she could get on a plane to go home, more money would come which she had to find a way to distribute.  Initially planning to be there for a few weeks, she eventually spent six months changing lives for the better, and she has been back to do it again another four times.

There were other personal stories which she shared which I won't go into here, but which clearly demonstrated that you need to listen to that little inner voice which tells you to do something, to go somewhere or to contact someone.  The effects can be life saving.  Literally.

Sign No. 4: Listen to your intuition, for it will lead you where you need to be.

And so I guess I need to apologize to the gods/the universe/my guardian angel/my ancestors - whatever it is that guides and protects us.  I've been bitching and moaning about no clear signs.  But they've been there all the time.