Hello from Puppy Dog - Dog Abuse

Hello Friends,

It's time to tell you the truth.

I'm an abused dog.

Oh sure, Mama and Papa bought me a house with a yard and moved out of their downtown trendy apartment, they bought me an SUV even though they don't want to look like boring suburbanites, I have three beds, I go to doggie day care, I get walked for at least an hour each day and there are people who come and visit and scoop my poop.

Yes, I have all of these things. But it doesn't mean that Mama and Papa aren't mean to me.

Mama and Papa treat me like a toy that's just there for their amusement.

They do!

Why don't you believe me?

Fine. I'll just have to prove it to you.

Things they do: 

• They threaten to cut off my soft ears and make mittens


• They throw two tennis balls into the dining room at once so I don't know which one to chase and I slip and slide on the wooden floor trying to get one, and then the other, and then the other


• They ask me if I wanna go back to the Pound


• After it's snowed, they throw magic white balls for me which disappear when I catch them


• They ask me why I can't talk to them and be sophisticated like Brian from Family Guy


• They tell me my tongue is so big that they are going to dry it out and make a red carpet


• They talk about replacing me with a robotic dog that doesn't poop


• They tell me I have dog's breath. Of course I have dog's breath. I'm a dog.


• They wait till I am sound asleep in front of the TV, then make a loud noise with a squeaky toy so that I can't help but jump up and run around trying to find it


• They accuse me of being a coke addict when I come in from playing in the yard and I have snow on my nose


• They brush me then look at the brush and tell me they are going to form a replacement dog out of my shed hairs


• They laugh at my foo foo and tell me I have lipstick

I thought about writing a letter to the RSPCA, but I don't have opposable thumbs....

Lots of licks and woofs,

Puppy Dog