I tried to fight it off, but the disease has finally taken hold.
I have Unemployeditis.
The symptoms are clear:
- The last time I washed my hair was so longer ago, it has started to clean itself
- I have acne. All over. Yes, even near to there
- I can't sleep at night
- I can't get up in the morning
- I have run out of stuff to watch on the DVR and have now added America's Got Talent to the queue. I am also seriously considering following Hollywood House Husbands
- My nailpolish line is approximately a quarter inch from my cuticle and bits have flaked off the ends of my nails. On the plus side, if you screw your eyes up and look at them sideways, they look like modern art
- The couch has an indent of my ass in the middle cushion
- My dog gets separation anxiety when I get up to go to the toilet
- I can feel the breeze blowing through the hairs on my legs
- I consider watering the garden a stimulating diversion
- I read tech Twitter updates and don't remember what the TLAs stand for
- I play hide and seek with the dog
- I drink 5 cups of tea a day - the coffee shop soy latte now has the same treat status as an double cone from a boutique ice cream shop
- Retired neighbors in a radius of 3 blocks say hello to me by name
- If I leave my gym pass behind, I get let in because all the receptionists recognize me
- I have run out of friends to have lunch with
- I can't bear the thought of another networking event
I know what's coming next. The symptoms will get worse:
- Starting to watch Dr Phil on daytime TV
- Eating cold pizza for breakfast
- Scratching my privates in public
- Burping (belching) out loud
- Smoking roll ups
- Considering busking as a career
- Starting to edit my own music videos to clips of Real Housewives of Atlanta on youtube
- Breaking out Fluffy Bear's Guitar Hero
Man, I need a job.
And I know exactly the one I want.
Why don't theycall me? WAAAH!