I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html
#depression
#ECT

I'm starting to notice the cognitive side effects more and more.

First, there is the short term memory loss. I've discussed this already. I had two conversations at work this last week where the people I was talking to told me we'd already had the discussion, and I had no memory of it. To explain myself, I'm just up front with people about it. "I'm having medical treatments and the side effect is loss of short term memory," I tell them. Too bad if it's TMI. It's the truth. If it was a physical disability they'd make allowances, so they can bloody well make them for me too.

Second, I'm noticing a general cognitive deterioration. I struggle to find the right word or name for things, and spend a lot of time saying things like "Those breakfast things. Not pancakes, the other one." Or: "You know, the guy with the red hair who told us about that sushi restaurant."

I'm also struggling to figure things out, most notably directions. Before driving to meet a friend at a restaurant I've been to many times, I had to think very hard - for over five minutes - about how to get there. And yes, I have sat nav in my car, but the system doesn't know the rat runs that avoid the traffic.

This cognitive deterioration is interesting. I thought to myself that this is how it must feel for less intelligent people. They struggle to figure something out, or they can't remember what something is called. It's weird experiencing what it must be like for Alzheimer's patients at the start.

I was talking to a friend about it and I said to her: "If you told me I'd have to live with these memory and mental processing problems, but I could keep the improved mood the rest of my life, I'd say OK,"

I'll figure it out.

I need to start taking notes about everything at work.

Everything.