I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html
#depression
#ECT

The memory loss side effects of ECT are showing themselves.

When the side effect was first discussed with me, and I did some online research, my understanding was that it was short term memory loss. I'll forget someone's name immediately after they introduce themselves to me, I thought, big deal.

But I've discovered that I've also been unable to store some memories of things that happened during my month of intensive treatment.

The other day I went to see my friend in the hospital. I walked into her room, and there was a woman in there sitting by the window. I thought she might be my friend's sister, but I wasn't sure. I knew her name, and I knew I had met her, but I didn't know when or where.

I greeted my friend (let's call her Julie), and the woman (let's call her Jane), and chatted away, getting caught up on Julie's condition and prognosis. After a pause, I looked across at Jane and said "I know your name, and I think you're Julie's sister, but I don't know how I know you."

Jane explained that we had met when Julie was in hospital a few months ago, and that it had been on a day when we had all been very worried because Julie had to be operated on as she had a complication.

I couldn't remember any of it.

Julie reminded me of the complication she'd had that day, and the surgery that had to happen. I couldn't recover any of it from my memory banks, and then I realized that I didn't know what had caused Julie to be in the hospital in the first place, so they had to explain the entire story to me from the beginning.

I wasn't embarrassed or angry at the side effect... I just found it bizarre and strangely fascinating.

I was at Julie's bedside on a day when she had a major complication and I was part of giving comfort at a landmark event in her illness and I simply cannot remember one iota of it.

I'm having trouble at work remembering if I've done a task or not, and I'm basically surviving because of a Kanban board, but I really didn't expect to have issues with long term memory.

Fluffy Bear jokes that I told him he could buy a 76" flat screen.

NIce try.

SHOULD I KILL MYSELF, OR HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE?
ALBERT CAMUS

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html