I've suffered from depression since I was a pre-teen. In 2012 I got very sick, becoming suicidal. In 2013 I decided to try ElectroConvulsive Therapy. The "Depression" series of blog posts chronicles that process.

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html
#depression
#ECT

I told the shrink on Friday that I feel better, and then normality is like fine sand, slipping through my fingers. I try to hold on to it but I can't.

It's difficult to explain the feeling of depression without sounding trite.

I was sitting on the couch an hour ago and I it was as if I came into awareness, an awareness of a feeling of emptiness, and pointlessness. I thought about our plans for the rest of the evening, and my plans for tomorrow, and they felt shallow and stupid and tedious.

Fundamentally, everything felt pointless, meaningless.

It's not a nice feeling. And it's very palpable. There's nothing confusing or subtle about it. It feels very, very real.

MENTAL PAIN IS LESS DRAMATIC THAN PHYSICAL PAIN, BUT IT IS MORE COMMON AND ALSO MORE HARD TO BEAR. THE FREQUENT ATTEMPT TO CONCEAL MENTAL PAIN INCREASES THE BURDEN: IT IS EASIER TO SAY "MY TOOTH IS ACHING" THAN TO SAY "MY HEART IS BROKEN"
C. S. LEWIS

To start the Depression series at the beginning, click here: http://ittybittycrazy.squarespace.com/imported-data/2013/12/29/depression-1.html