Fluffy Bear and I were doing some housework in the lounge, and the TV was on the Food Network Channel.
So there's this woman. Her tits are so big and so high I wondered if she'd float away if they ever warmed up, but that's not the point...
So it's near the end of the show. She is doing some cake for a New York Fashion Week shindig. They invite her to the runway show, and there she is, assistant at her side, ooh-ing and ah-ing about the show.
Then the dramatic music starts. They have to rush to the party venue to assemble the cake.
DUN-DUN-DAAAAAAH!
She has various cakes, in the shape of shoes and handbags, and they are supposed to each sit on a little platform attached to a ferris wheel. As the wheel slowly rotates, the little shelf that each cake is on should rotate in the opposite direction to remain horizontal.
Well - surprise! surprise! surprise! - it wasn't working. The cakes were too heavy.
Cue the tubas, trombones and big bass drums... The music more scary than the Jaws theme.
DUR-DUH! DUR-DUH! DUR-DUH! DUR-DAH!
What is a girl to do?
Well, she starts by cutting a cake in half to make it lighter.
There's a cut to an interview with one of her team, saying something about how, when things are tough, her Booby Boss "shows her creativity" and yells orders at everyone to solve the problem. This woman clearly thinks her boss is the shit.
But... is she?
Let's break it down:
- If you have a cake to assemble at a party, why are you going to the fashion show when you haven't done that already? Why are you going at all? You're STAFF, for fuck's sake. Did all the waiters at the party get to go?
- You're making cakes for a large party, you've decided to put them on a FERRIS WHEEL and you are on national television. Don't you think it might be rehearse the whole thing beforehand? Huh? Huh? Ya think?
- Your team members think that you're incredible because, in a crisis (which you are responsible for creating in the first place), you bark out orders to deal with it. Wow, you sure know how to hire the right people, Babe, because, if it were me, I'd tell you to stop fucking yelling at me and learn to do your job properly.
Don't get me wrong. I watch Reality TV. There are some shows I am addicted to including Ru Paul's Drag Race and Drag U, Real Housewives of Atlanta and Beverley Hills and Food Network Star.
But I really think this show - whatever it is, I didn't see the name - is a huge, steaming pile of bullshit.
Boobie Boss' little cake crisis is not as scary as a shark about to rip my legs off, a burn victim attacking me in my dreams or a man in a hockey mask about to stab me repeatedly. The TV show is effectively creating something out of nothing by adding an inappropriate soundtrack and interviewing the Boobie Boss and her staff in such a way that they describe assembling a fucking cake as a matter of life and death.
Give me a fight between the Real Housewives any day.
To read more of my musings that show I watch far too much television, click here.
You might like:
- A review of a great B movie: So bad it's good - Shredder
- My thoughts on a movie so bad there is a critic who goes around the country doing a comedy routine about it: Showgirls