What is it with the Office Stalker?
He works in a different department, he sits on a different floor, he has a meeting schedule that has no overlap with yours whatsoever.
And yet...
Wherever you go, there he is.
In the elevator.
At the coffee stand.
Worst of all, coming towards you in the corridor.
The first few times you pass each other, it's the normal greeting.
"Good morning." if it's before noon, and a smile if its after.
As you start to recognize each other, there's a honeymoon period where the exchange has a sing song quality, and the smiles widen. The greeting gets more complicated although, as you don't even know each others' names, you tend to say them at the same time, a harmony-free duet:
"Good morning. How are you? Fine, thanks."
Then, without warning, it starts to get a bit old.
Frankly, you're sick of seeing each other.
The smiles get thin, and the "Good morning" slowly deteriorates: first "Mornin'", then "Ng" and, finally, a whispered grunt.
Finally, the eye avoidance starts. You recognize his gait from 20 feet away and start walking faster, thinking busy thoughts, starting at your notepad or fixing your gaze to the floor.
You used to think he was kinda cute... now you're not sure if you didn't catch a whiff of BO as he sidled past.
Why is this guy always where you are?
Why does he get coffee when you do?
Why - for God's sake! - WHY does he go to the bathroom when you have to?
It's just not right.
And so you start to change your routine. You wait an extra half hour in the morning before buying your latte, you start using the stairs, you walk the long way round to meeting room 6B.
And it works! You don't see him for three whole weeks!
And then, just when you let your guard down, you get into the elevator to go up 13 floors and there he is.
Shit!
Key signs:
- You see him at least twice a day
Catch phrase: "Ng."
Your strategy: Keep changing your routine. Or change jobs.
Their comeuppance: There isn't one. You can't prove anything.
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