Dear Squeaky Toy Lady
I guess you don't read my blog. Or, if you do, you missed the post about Dog Park Etiquette.
Because here you are, at the off-leash dog park, with not one, but two dogs with squeaky toys.
And you have the nerve to stand at the edge of the water and yell "Who's dog is that? Can I have my toy back, please?" every time my dog or that nice little yellow lab puppy swims faster than your dogs and nabs their toys.
It's not that our dogs are bad.
It's not that we are bad parents who haven't trained our dogs.
It's that our dogs... are dogs. And you have squeaky toys.
So here's what's going to happen if I ever see you at the dog park again and your dogs have those toys with them.
- I am going to wait by the dog park gate until you leave
- I am going to discretely follow you home so I can see where you live
- I am going to hire a private investigator to bug your home
- I am going to wait until you host a party or a BBQ
- I am going to hire a very young, very pert, very pretty stripper
- I am going to buy a Princess Leia costume from the scene where she is tied to Jabba the Hut, so that I've even got the geek men covered
- I am going to gatecrash your party with the stripper
And then we'll see just how well trained you and your friends' husbands are.
How about that, Lady?