I got home this afternoon and I had a strange burst of cleaning productivity.
It all started when I drove Bill and Ted (yes, I tend to be a childish when I give my friends pseudonyms), to get a BBQ. To fit it in, I had to put the back seats down. That's when I saw it... a quarter inch deep stripe of tightly packed Puppy Dog hair in the crease where the chairs fold flat. Blergh!
Later, as I pulled into a parking spot in front of our house, all I could think of was the hand-held vacuum. I spent the next half hour or so, using the brush attachment, trying to scrape and suck the hair out of the car, and occasionally cursing Puppy Dog.
The hand-held vacuum ran out of charge before my housework energy burst did, so I grabbed the garden hose.
A week or so ago, Fluffy Bear bought this amazing attachment for the hose which has a dial on it. You can turn the water in a jet that reaches 20 feet away, a shower of big raindrops, a soft mist... pretty much whatever you want.
I can stand at the top of the bank that lies between our front porch and the sidewalk and, using different settings, water all the grass and plants on that side of the house.
So I'm standing there, spurting the plants next to the sidewalk with the Jet setting, making rain on the grass with the Soak setting and gently spritzing the Lavender plants with the Mist setting.
Then a neighbor walked past.
"You know," she said, "it's going to rain tonight."
"Really?" I replied, looking up at the gray, cloudy sky as if noticing it for the first time. "Oh, yes, I see."
I smiled and shrugged, and she went on her way.
I was being neighborly.
Yes, I was.
Because, you see, here's how the conversation went in my head:
Neighbor: "You know, it's going to rain tonight."
Me: "Is it going to rain tonight in Mexico, too?"
Neighbor: "Why do you want to know if it is going to rain in Mexico?"
Me: " I don't. I was just wandering how far you'd go with spouting useless information that I really don't give a shit about."
Neighbor: "What?"
Me: "LEAVE ME ALONE, BITCH! I'M HAVING FUN!"
Hell is other people.