Wow. Day 91.0. Do you think I should throw a party on day 100? All my employed friends would have to bring the drinks and snacks, though. We're watchin' them pennies.
So... here's the thing.
I have a face to face interview this week. And it's a job I really want.
The company is nothing like my ex-employer. They are in a different industry, they are completely customer service focussed (so much so that books have been written about them) and many of their staff are artistic people.
I am not artistic - my art lies in words. But I love the idea of being around artistic people again.
How many of us gave up creative pursuits to join the corporate world? How many of us told ourselves it was just temporary, something to get a little money in the bank and then we'd be able to follow our hearts? How many of us told ourselves that we can still be creative as a hobby, only to find we had neither the time nor the energy?
If you relate to that, raise your hand. Mine is waving above my head right now.
I remember - once upon a time before the Plague - I worked in a bank. I worked the night shift, and there were many actresses and artists in our team, because they wanted a well paying job to fund their real careers. One of the guys got a painting into a local art show, so we all traipsed off to see it. We walked through the art show peering at the labels on the walls, look for his name. And then I saw it. It was painting of this guy's world, his daily grind, probably what he saw in his dreams. It was a pink and white computer keyboard.
Because, see, that's the thing. The corporate world takes over your life. Even if you only do a dead end, night shift job, the corporate jaws snap, chew and spit your art out.
So, even if it is still the corporate world, the fact that this new job will mean there'll be people around me who think in color and texture and shape rather than bits and bytes, will be wonderful.
This means, of course, that I am utterly petrified that things will go wrong.
Wanting a job badly is kinda like having a crush in high school.
You like him but - here's the really important part - does he like you back? And, if he does, how would you know? Are there signs?
Here's where we get into female territory. Over-analysis. If you've seen the movie He's Just Not That into You, you'll know what I mean.
Women are better than men at facial recognition and body language interpretation. Perhaps it is because we give birth and breastfeed - therefore, in the caveman age, we had to look after our young. So maybe that's when evolution taught us how to see signs in a little human who can't yet communicate with language. is it hungry? Is it hurt? Is it hot? Is it sick?
Now we tap into our evolutionary tool bag and choose to use this skill to overanalyze every action, tone, posture of a potential suitor.
At high school:
- Omigod did he just smile at me? Was it a real smile or a "I know you have a crush on me and I find it kinda flattering but I'm just not that into you" smile?
- Omigod he doesn't usually walk this way to class! Did he come this way just to see me? He knows where my locker is. Maybe he took the longer route so he could ask me out?
- Omigod has he asked someone to the prom yet? Should I accept Bob's invitation or wait to see if he asks me? He ignored me yesterday on the bus. Does that mean that he's self-conscious around me cos he likes me and he wants to get up the courage to ask me to the prom?
And on and on and on...
When job hunting:
- The job description is off the website - what does that mean? Have they found someone? Is the job no longer being funded? Do they have so many candidates that they've taken the job off?
- The job is back on the website - what does that mean? Have they rejected everyone from the first round, including me? Is it a different job - do they need two people rather than one?
- I haven't heard from them in a week - what does this mean? Have they found someone? Have they decided to take a different direction with this job and get a technical person in? Are they about to be bought, taken over and their headquarters moved to some snowy state where everyone is half the price?
- They said the face to face interview was two hours and now they're saying just one hour - what does this mean? Have they found someone else they really want to give the job to and so they're just paying lip service to me? Have I got the job so this is a formality? Or are they going to make a panel of five people to grill me to death in one hour, all at the same time?
And on and on and on...
And so I'm trying to prepare. Do research, bone up on my resume, get my application form ready.
Because that pimple faced, wet dreaming, voice breaking little twerp better ask me to the Prom.