A while ago I wrote about Dog Park Personalities.
Dog parks are fascinating places. Especially the Off Leash ones. The dogs are adorable, but the people are interesting too. Some, however, are more interesting than others.
So here are the rules to ensure you don't piss people off at the dog park.
1. DO scoop your dog's poop
It's the most basic rule, but you'd be surprised how often it gets broken.
There are three parts to poop scoop etiquette:
- Make sure you have bags on you
- Keep an eye on your dog so he doesn't poop behind your back. This is dog walk time, not day dream time, not cell phone time.
- Do the scoop. Even if he pooped somewhere off the beaten track, trust me, other dogs will find it and other humans may step in it. Do the right thing.
If you don't do it, I have to keep an eagle eye on my dog and stop him sniffing your dog's icky poopie and getting bits of it on his nose. I kiss my dog's face, you know!
2. DO NOT take a squeaky toy to the dog park
Dogs are generally good, and well trained. But don't forget the doggie training formula:
Dog + training = Good dog
Dog + training + distractions = Good luck with that
Taking a squeak toy to the park will be great for your dog, but will also ensure that you get attacked by all the other dogs, who will steal your squeaky toy.
This then means that I have to run after my dog, try to grab the toy out of his mouth, fight his panting, manic, obsessive jaw lock, humiliate myself publicly by yelling at him, finally pry the thing from his teeth, probably get my hand bitten in the process, and give back your fracking stupid squeaky damn toy that you should have left at home!
3. DO NOT whistle at your dog
Yes, your adorable little poochie woochie knows to come when you whistle. But so does every other dog, you moron!
So there I am, having finally dragged my dog away from the water, thinking we can head back to the car and I'll have time to do the other errands on my list for the day and, the next thing I know, my dog is sprinting towards some twit who's whistling and I have to call him, grab him and get him away from the water all over again.
4. DO think before you throw
So your dog likes chasing balls? News flash! So does mine!
Look for an open gap in the crowd, and think about your timing.
Throw a ball for your dog directly in front of mine and - guess what? - he's gonna go for it. Then I am back to the situation in Rule 2, trying to pry your ball out of his mouth. Thanks. I miss having slobber on my hands.
5. DO Pay attention
As previously mentioned, this is your dog's time, not yours. This is not a time for a deep discussion with a friend, for a cell phone conversation, for a cigarette break on a bench.
I've seen people running through the dog park, yelling their dog's name, coming up to strangers and saying things like:
"Have you seen a black dog?"
Uh, yeah. Many times. I can see four from where I'm standing. Keep an eye on your dog, Stupid.
The time I spend chasing and catching your dog, who was wandering around the car park, finding your number on his collar, calling you, trying to describe where I am and waiting for you to come and get him takes away from my time with my dog. And you didn't even say Thank you. Bitch.
Off Leash Dog Parks are in short supply, and going there is a special time for us and Puppy Dog. Don't frack that up.