I wish Mama could talk dog. She just doesn't listen to me.
Here's an example:
Mama: "Do you want a treat?"
Me: Yes, please.
Mama: "Have you been a good boy?"
Me: Well, yes, I think I have, frankly.
Mama: "Does my good boy want a treat?"
Me: I already said yes, Mama.
Mama: "Should we go get my boy a treat?"
Me: Is the Pope Catholic?
Mama: "Should we? Should we go get a treat?"
Me: Does a dog mark in the woods?
Mama: "Maybe he should get a treat. Should he get a treat?"
Me: Are squirrels the scourge of suburbia? Are cats plotting to take over the planet? Are tennis balls there to be skinned and chewed till they break? Are dog prams an abomination? Are pigeons flying rats? Do humans pretend chocolate is bad for dogs to keep it all to themselves? Is peanut butter proof there is a God? In sniffing a butt the best way to introduce yourself? Is shedding Nature's way of telling you to brush me? Do Hairless Apes blame their farts on dogs? Is the toilet my backup water bowl? Come on woman! There are small ducks bathing in my pool of drool!
Mama: "Here's your treat!"
Me: About F-ing time, woman.
Sigh.
Hairless Apes are so dumb.
Lots of licks and woofs,
Puppy Dog