Gymstractions are distractions at the gym that keep you from feeling your own pain.
Today mine were:
- The guy in his fifties wearing a Bjorn Borg type head sweatband thingy. Not a good look. Also not a good idea for me to notice him in the middle of doing 15 squats for the third time, start to laugh, lose my balance and almost end up on my ass on the floor.
- The two women either side of me on the elliptical trainers who seemed somehow psychically linked at a throat level. They both had iPods in, so it's not like they could hear each other, yet they managed to clear their throats at the same time. So I'm panting away and have to deal with "Hugh-hem-hem". Eventually, I began to try to anticipate it so I'd be less annoyed, like when your husband is snoring next to you and you kid yourself that it has some kind of rhythm, and so you can steel yourself for the next choking noise. Being on a gym machine that showed the seconds passing, I began to time them. Turned out it was roughly every thirty seconds but, as soon as I got ready for them, there'd be nothing, I'd relax thinking they were going to miss this cycle, and then the hacking noises were back. Thank God Silent Evil only makes us do ten minutes on the elliptical or I may have had to reach out my arms and firmly touch someone.
- The trainer who is almost at evil as ours. I think I might have told you about him before. He had a very fit woman screeching like she was in a very different sweaty situation at that moment. I went up to him and asked him if he realized he could make women scream in a much nicer setting. He laughed and said he got paid better for what he was doing right there.
- The Yummy Mummies coming out of the spin class. Wow. It really is true for women that, if you don't earn money, you better stay in shape so you don't get traded in for a younger model. These ladies were looking luscious in Lycra. I chose to see them as my Personal Goal Barbies. I decided I'd work towards the first one's breasts, the third one's ass and the last one's arms.
- The very skinny pale guy who seems to defy physics. How can arms that skinny pull down weights that heavy? He must have been working out for a while to be able to do that. Where are his muscles? It's a mystery.
Tuning into these distractions, I almost made it through my whole workout. But not quite. My heart started racing about 40 minutes in and I felt a bit nauseous. This is only my second workout since having the cold for a week and a half and I am amazed at how much strength I have lost. On the other hand, I am a lot stronger than my first workout after the cold.
Still, my lungs are not clear yet, and the haze of pollen isn't helping. So my heart starts beating the bongos and my stomach starts churning the breakfast smoothie and my first thought is about the article I read where people who have heart attacks usually have them when they have colds and are active and I am mentally scanning my arms for shooting pain and I have to sit down and rest.
Then Fluffy Bear reminds me I have an inhaler in my handbag in the locker room and I come back to reality.
Silent Evil put us both back on the ellipticals - thank God the throat clearers were gone - then abs, then stretch. Then off to Peets Coffee for a frozen soy coffee blended drink which is 180 calories of happiness.
Whew.